Season 9 Episode 20: Dating With Dignity w/ Marni Battista

00:00:00 - 00:05:03

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating dating without a journey involved. We all have to go through a journey we have to go through through all these different milestones in our love. Lives to get to where we are today and who is a better person like I think of her as a dating Sherpa than Marnie uh-huh Teesta. WHO's on the line with us? Right now She lives in l.. A. Originally from the Midwest. She's in her fabulous fifties. She's currently married and she helps smart successful women overcome hurdles and blocks to living their best life and fighting a high quality man. A man she has even astor's and education is a certified life coach also a master practitioner at ministering in energy assessment called the de factor helps clients pinpoint exactly why they are or are not dateable from free it house very appropriate for us and what types of messages they're unconsciously broadcasting to others based on their thoughts feelings actions and attitudes like almost like you're dating wore acquitting. Yes it's fabulous and on top of that money's also trained as a facilitator and mentor trainer by the Hoffman Institute who has been quoted in numerous research studies. I'm sure you've all heard of Hoffman Institute. A world renowned leader in personal development in addition Marnissi on camera dating and relationship coach on the hit reality TV show control TV. podcast I do I totally do. I'm so excited to have Mardi here because like I actually. I had my own experience with. I found her Kind of admits this like eating like black hole in like during that period head. Where like I just kept going date after date? I was also a really toxic like friends with benefits. Like I don't want to be a relationship but somehow I thought there was still hope so I I lost my dignity predict Dark Ages Dark Ages and I remember somehow stumbling across Marty and I was like really like intrigued by it because there is so much bad dating stuff out there like why men like Mary bitches or something terrible books that were just like game playing and I like like this approach of like getting down to like what is the core of what the challenges and like what is it. That's holding you back and like not just blaming whatever. External forces are out there air. So you were definitely ahead of your time here because I remember getting like a USB in the mail and private because it was like not this cut kind of out of the open thing to listen to David. podcast like it is now and I remember it. Hit me like a really good point in my life and this is by sharing. This is that I was like in the state of dating being fatigue. Tinder was at its prime going on tons of dates and like loving that aspect and then I was like. Why can't I ever get past like deep three or five? I I started think there was something wrong with me and I think like by listening to your program and listening to you I was able to really address like what was holding me back and end like why my personality might become off different with dates than it was like with friends for example and why I was like maybe playing these games that we're actually getting in my own way. I wasn't being authentic and actually took a break really focused on like even your workbooks back the head. I actually met someone that ended ended up being like a very significant partner for me so like I just think like you're totally worked so I was super excited to have you which is very happy to be here the Martin. Aren't you so proud of your student. Here she is such a I love it. And what's really cool is I will get an email like that sadder. Somebody sent me a picture in an email just the other day. They've been together eight years one of the first people. I coached and her and her husband went back to where they had their first date and she sent me a picture and So I love hearing people's lives unfolding in a way that was beyond what they could have imagined because because they kind of took the pause to do the work and then learn how to date racing nudie which is possible there is totally great guys out there yes would super fulfilling thank you for sharing that so Marnie back in the time when you started your business and you said I wanna be a dating coach. I mean what was really out. There was pickup. Satiety was huge and also the I'm the victim community. It was how to stop being a victim how to be that girl to be stronger. Not Be taken advantage of so you came at it with a different angle of dating with dignity.

00:05:03 - 00:10:00

How did you come upon this? Well you know they say what you teach what you need to learn. And so in my intro tro. You talked about the Hoffman Institute so I had just come off doing like some pretty deep or because I had been divorced after seventeen years and they got in a really bad relationship relationship right away and I was like Oh crap you know here I am like repeating patterns and When I did that work for myself and started my own journey? One of the things that I realized is that I had lost in the journey of love and intimacy was dignity self respect self love and so so I had made this one is actually an exercise. A hell all my clients do it still to this day Is this Mangala exercise. And I had these words that really captured sure you know my I am or my authenticity and I had dignity and so when I decided to really look at what then was the core that changed my own dating journey. It was dignity you know. It was like a game changer. And then when we decided to start this transformational transformational company around relationships. I mean it was just dating with dignity if we have dignity that we have self respect and self love and if you have that then everything's different so take because back to that relationship like where were you when you didn't have dignity and like how did you get out of that. How did you find so funny? 'cause I'm I'm tired out and so long which is weird because you think people would ask me that all the time but what is married and you know I just felt like in that relationship. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? I gotta fix this. I gotTa fix me Eh. And we ended up getting a divorce which is really challenging. And at the time I sorta figured the best way to get over someone is to get you know as they say under someone someone else do. I met another guy and the sky was like the same version of my ex husband and in a lot of ways better looking different body of whatever but in the end it was just like I did a podcast with Jordan. Harbinger Owens He titled it Like I was a psycho ex girlfriend. And that's basically Salih how I was driving around Like inbetween when my kids were at school like driving by his house seeing if he was with as somebody else you know bringing him coffee trying to seduce him. When we're dating I was basically like his made and his baby sitter? You know like taking care of his kids in moving his house else in edit do that stuff in my own house I mean I just was you know constantly getting treated like he gave me what I call crump you you know and I just kept putting up with it you know until I hit bottom. He broke up with me wanting to get him back and I just realized like you know at at the end I am the common denominator in all my failed relationships in for me my three daughters were like my why because I was like. I don't figure this out at least for myself like all I'm GonNa do is teach this to my girls. They were really young. It was ten years ago plus and so I just made that be my why. And and that's when I kinda started on my own journey and what I figured it out and I realized hey this is a you know a repeatable process and we started teaching it to other people that was fulfilling but the word dignity has so much weight to it. But I don't think people really know what it means. They know it's a good word right. What does it entail? And you touch upon something that I can definitely relate to is. You did things for this man that you wouldn't even do for yourself right and it has backwards exactly and that's when you've lost dignity. Is that even. Treat yourself as well as you described dignity described dignity as knowing who you are and knowing your values and standing by who your true self is not getting lost in a relationship and also not counting on someone to complete who you are because it yourself but Marnie. How would you describe what dignity as well? I keep it real simple with with clients and people who are kind of trying to do it. I'm like you wake up in the morning and you feel good about yourself. Yeah no whether you slept with them. You didn't sleep with within. He called you. He didn't call you. You had a great day. You had a Shitty Day you know like whatever right like if you wake up the next day and you're like wow I am I showed up in the best version of myself. I have no shame. Regret remorse. replaying events in my mind. I'm not trying to control you know like I feel good about myself south. That like I had dignity now I have no no regret me is like a real simple way to see. If you're dating went dignity I just thought of this incredible edible business idea where having alarm clock instead of it beeping in warning it would just go. How do you feel about the yourself? It's so what is the ultimate dating with dignity philosophy. That's funny. I mean you know if I was going to quote Rupaul. I think she says you know.

00:10:00 - 00:15:03

If you can't love yourself get someone to love you like Ahmen you now kind of a thing. I think that our core philosophy is you have to really take responsibility for the part that you play in all of your failed relationships. Just be aware of it but actually heal it and and I get really clear on who you are who you're looking for be discerning not picky and then use a strategy to date in an an efficient way if you do that. I mean that's really the process and it works. This process is almost counterintuitive. Kinda like what you said Julie Win. When you you took mornings courses you actually stopped dating right when most courses not say you keep dating you just change this up a little bit? Try this next time. I think quick quick. Fix the band aid fix but marning your philosophy is like comes from within so if that means taking a break from dating Dotted do that work from inside out. So what is some of that work that people can do while they're not dating. Well I think in jewelry members this but one of the key pieces in our processes what we call the dating fast which based you take you do take an intentional break and you clear up. The man clutter often people will say. Well I'm not W. Dating Bath Avenue haven't Gone Dayton ten years you know and I just talked to someone today who told me that story and I was like Sugano dates. She was like Yeah well I mean I'm not going on dates but I'm like hooking up right and right and there's guys that are kind of like you know whatever so it's it's about clearing all the clutter number one and in the space when women that I work with clear that in Bach's clutter the chatter stops and also stuff bubbles up like you realize like Oh God I need attention or I'm having a lot of feelings come up up and I want to eat or drink extra wine or one of the most important pieces about the dating fast is to actually see what's going on that. The frenetic behavior and obsession and negatively around dating is basically masking. So so. That's the first piece. Yeah I do remember this whole thing and I actually found my workbook. Bring no I wish I did but I found and it and I was like wow I actually like did do so much of this work and I think like for me. I do remember like you had this exercise to. What are these limiting beliefs that you have like under the things that you're telling yourself? Are these actually true. Like taking a step back and be like. Is this actually a reality or is this kind of like some self serving thought that I've been and saying to myself. Can you tell us a little bit more about that. Well yeah and I'll just use the example of this person that I spoke to today. You know she was just telling me your story and she was like like like high quality. Men In our culture aren't attracted to or one date women with curves Limiting belief she was. Like I mean if I'm wrong let me you know and I was like well. You believe it. So doesn't matter. Shelter said Alpha man like high quality. Men Aren't attracted to women who are needy. We and basically what that meant was anyone who has needs in her world like she had this story about some attractive quality guy who only wants today a woman woman who is like needless well. That's Deborah out. There I feel like in bad dating books for a very long time. Where does this come? I'm from Enron her needs. I mean really honestly aren't as important as like she really believes that our core that always put other people first up those are three. That's just in like one forty minute phone call and what is interesting is when you start to really ask yourself. What do I really really believes? You know like if I'm honest with myself I'm too fat. I'm too skinny. I'm not rich enough to rich. I'm too intimidating I hear a lot of I'm too much you know. There's no I mean this is basic you know there are no quality man near me online. Dating Sucks Yup. I'm too old. I mean literally like step one do a like a written vomit of like what you believe. Are the rules about dating dating and relationship right now. What are the truths that you have and I said to this woman and so I'll just say because I think it's a really interesting thing so write that all down and imagine that the dateable ladies and Marnie round up the last fifty quality men on the planet challenge? I I serve you you if you believe you know. I don't look good enough a my. I'm too needy and did A. Are you really going to be able to actually be in a long term relationship with that person right no right.

00:15:03 - 00:20:21

Yeah so I mean you kind of went through like some of the top things that people are saying like. Is there anything else that you feel like. We're just holding women back in general. Let's take a break from this episode and focus on your mental wellbeing. This time of the year can bring up all sorts of emotions and it really helps to talk things out with a professional speaking from experience. Here I am so grateful I found better help where I can get online counseling with professional credible and compassionate schnitt therapist in a safe and private online environment. I make it a habit to talk to my therapist regularly because sometimes I just really need to talk things out that are helps counselors I specialize in relationships depression trauma and then the other areas with over three thousand. US licensed professionals across fifty states. You're sure to find the right one for are you and at a very affordable price now for dateable listeners. Only you get ten percent off your first month with the code dateable guess started today by going to better help dot com slash lashed dateable simply fill out a questionnaire to assess your needs and get matched with a suitable counselor again. That's better help dot com slash dateable and use the Code Dat the AP L. E. for ten percent off your first month now back to this episode. Is there anything else that you feel like. You're just holding women back in general. Well this is a huge thing thing to me that the actual the dating process the strategy is honestly the easiest part data. It's algorithms. It's it's all that part is easy like there is a strategy. There is a formula that said. If you don't do the internal work which we've been talking about it won't work well. I do remember when I was going on tons of deeds and like my best friend being like D really water relationship. I'm like yeah yeah I totally do. Do you really want to release you because like your behavior because I was still like kind of having this like hookup friends with benefits situation that clearly the guy was like I don't WanNa be in a relationship and I was still pursuing it And she was like if you really wanted to be in a relationship. Your actions would not be doing that so it did bring to light of like. What am I actually doing right this minute and what am am I saying I want and how do those not allied and then like pairing that with like what beliefs were there was like really how I was able to break through it? Yeah because you had to face yourself ask yourself these. Really deep question with Marty's workbook mine. I think it's so easy to blame. People like Oh my cousin who and I love the statement and I think it comes from. Bob Hoffman actually. Ah The founder of the Hoffman Process. But it's something like everyone is guilty and no one is to blame right. Meaning we all take responsibility for our results. And it's nobody's fault. Whenever Julian I go to any sort of data event or singles event it becomes a bitch fest and pointing pointing fingers on managing? Those women are doing this. But nobody's taking responsibility for their own actions asshole sometime and so I think what I love about this concept theft is that you've got to look at yourself. I write and see what you're putting out there before you blame other people now as part of this process of doing this inner work. Where does the the de factor assessment coming? I'm guessing the Dita's and Stanford Dick so funny. It's your data ability factor. I actually took the de factor. ooh I did great customer back in the day. She's a she's worse pat. You tell actually remember what my results were though to be completely honest so I'm going to turn it back to you so physically. What it does is like? Are you dateable to the menu. Want or the men that you get because if you are living in vibration and your beliefs are I'm not not enough. I'm not wanted. Why does everything happen to me or you know? It's his loss or screw men or you know I need to protect protect myself and my guard is up you are going to attract men that will fill that need that dysfunctional puzzle piece. You will attract act men who validate those bullies right so like that women who had all those beliefs. She's totally attracting men who are super super needy needy. Because she doesn't feel good about herself right so of course she's GonNa attract men who need her because she thinks her only value is over functioning auctioning caretaking sleeping with somebody right. So the de factor which we only do now with our private clients so we don't even we don't even sell that anymore but it it measures really. What are your unconscious? Beliefs that are leaking. Yup Right what you can't see on the tip of your nose. Yeah I think that's the part that's so interesting about this 'cause like you are the common denominator for sure and I totally believe that one hundred percent but I guess like where is that line of like you just haven't met the right person yet or like there is only so much that you can fix about yourself like you don't WanNa change like what do you think is kind of like the best way to approach self-improvement but not going overboard never perfect right.

00:20:21 - 00:25:12

You'll nobody's ever perfect. So the thing is if you're going on dates and you're going on a data week or so and you feel like you're attracting really great guys and you're having fun and you're collecting data and of course they're not your match and when it's not a match you just tell them you're honest you're communicating. You're being direct. Your you know easily filling the funnel until it's just a numbers game and it should be Super Fun like I love it when my clients were like. Oh my God. I'm dating guys. I need to pick like who's the best guy for me. And they're all all really great. I love that So it and even in those. Because here's the thing you're never gonna be done being reflective look like there's no perfect rate so and by the way when you get in that relationship you're going to get you're gonNA learn a whole bunch more stuff about yourself and your partner so just first of all get rid of the whole mindset like the broken or whatever and be like hey. I'm on a journey to be the best version of me that I can be. An dating isn't Awesome Mirror. Yeah I get to see all my stuff. That is her sure right and like so you know I am. I moving forward toward my vision if you are awesome and if you're not then get get help that's it. There's no shame because ultimately dating should be fun of Shit. We do on a day to day. Dating should should I wait day drafts. It'd be like Oh dating sucks. We should use it as a great way for personal development but also to meet New People. It's fantastic so what would you say to people that feel like they're just attracting the wrong types of man. I remember you had this thing called the minimal. I love. That's so great. I know our listeners. Listeners are going to ask nanomoles. Let's down really quickly. Let's take a break here because I have a question for you. What are you eating for your next meal? Do you sometimes find it. Difficult wants to cook healthy and easy meals that are actually delicious now. Eating healthy can be simpler with Sun. Basket which delivers organic premeasured ingredients. Regan's and quick healthy recipes right to your door. I was immediately drawn to some basket because it was founded in San Francisco with recipes by Justin. Kelly an award-winning award-winning barrier chef. From one of my favorite restaurants slant door you can mix and match recipes across the full menu regardless of your meal plan. I recently made the Mediterranean garlic shrimp with Spanish rice. Yum may get your hands on hand selected seasonal ingredients organic produce responsibly. Raised needs free from antibiotics six and added hormones sustainably sourced seafood and healthy delicious thirty minute recipes. Now because Sun basket is offering thirty five dollars off your order when you go right to sun basket dot com slash dateable and enter the code dateable at checkout that's sun basket dot com slash dateable and enter the Code D. A. T. the AP L. E. for thirty five dollars off your order thirty five dollars off your order. Some basket dot com slash dateable and enter the code. dateable now back to this episode episode. I know our listeners are GONNA ask animals. Let's down really quickly the minimal showed. There's the player which now I guess. Now we'll call unlike a fuck boy so that's him right just like totally like in it to win. It just wants to get with as many women as he can like not looking for anything serious going for low hanging fruit. The cry baby is one to beware of because if you're into personal development they're kind of everywhere so he's he's like it's me not you you know. Let me tell you about my mother and my childhood. He's like Ah your listeners and mine are very attracted to this guy because they feel like they can fix then there's quality casual and that one is like a really great great quality guy but he's probably emotionally available or he's not in the right time of his life is looking for a relationship so he'll treat you well he'll ask you own on dates but you didn't. I know that he was going to Paris for two weeks until you saw it on facebook or shady. So it's just like it's just not a real relationship but it's like good on paper and McCain doing the steps but does not want to believe that it's relationship when its own and say like you know he's like those before I go to soccer soccer and I've got this conference call and you know but I'd love to go out with you on Saturday night. You know and he takes you out on a really nice date. And he's fun and maybe you're sleeping together but it just doesn't progress running the crummer. That's a breadcrumb right there. That's like this one orderly. There's the potential. Oh I think I've dated all of them. Yeah pretty much the Komo. He's the guy who liked the kind of the Unicorn where he's trying to get you to believe that like some other version of relationship that's it's not yours is okay.

00:25:14 - 00:30:07

We don't need to commit et. We're just in the big deal right plans in advance uh-huh Martinez near Seoul rate. So the man ables I that has stuck with me all these years as I always remember that phrase I love to hear some women moles those two. That's so great. Well I think if you're attracting the and I don't want to sound like a broken record but I would just say look for patterns like in that conversation with this woman I'm just trying to see patterns right. I'm just asking her like take two to three minutes. Synopsis told Me What's not working exactly for you right now. You know it. Just start by asking yourself that question. What's not working? Oh you know when. I asked people that they're like. Oh well I always meet men. Who are fixer uppers or I always get two to three days? Can't get past the next nick. Get clear on what it is. It's not working. And then look look at whether you listen to a podcast or you work with me or somebody else or you go to therapy whatever it is right just like wow. What's a pattern all you have to do do is get intentional about changing it just like you do when you WanNa get more healthier you WANNA get a new woman? Come on the phone with me. Who is a banker who had become become a lawyer and she asked me so? How long is this going to take wild at? I was like so. I'm just playing a game with you. Are you willing to play issues like y'all Mike Sue. You're banker that's a pretty good career when you decided to become a lawyer Devi like well only Jewett if it takes less than in seventeen hours right I mean most people and they have a passion or a purpose or something that is like dear it to their soul. They're like what do I need to do to fulfil on this. Whether it's saving up to travel alert right you don't go like I'm only doing it if it's easy and convenient and and so if dating is something you only want to do if it's easy and convenient or being in a relationship is only something you want if it's easy and convenient you probably actually actually don't not a plan for you even if you find your dream guy it's not gonna be easy and free. Came being an awesome partner. Sometimes it's really inconvenient. Yeah you know. Oh the pattern I'm guessing you see this to Marnie. Is that people feel entitled to love when they're successful in their own careers for some reason. You hear you're this all the time. Who would say I'm at a great place in my career? I worked hard for my career now. I deserve that love and not willing to put the work. No if you invested said all that time in your career you should do this. Why would this just be easy? Why why why do you? Why are you entitled to all people are like? I don't have time to date. It's like we'll do have time to be in a relationship. Would you actually meet that ice. And because like that does require time to it's all just magical thinking right yeah right and those are all just excuses like you're so your friend really asked you a hard question. You're really honest. You know likes easy to say. I WanNa relationships easy with me. It's easy to download podcasts. To highlight shit write it down say sorry affirmation say funky shunted Eh. Exactly the thing is it's like you know what I have so much. I so was this person. But it's like if you focus instead of on getting the guy if you focus focused am I being the most best is so. Do I have dignity. Do I have self worth. How did your dating life turnaround then like what is kind of your own journey of where you are? Now talking affirmations I I so I started working on repairing myself worth my dignity. Dignity and I realized that I was like a valuable wanted desirable woman and I became confident. And then my actions Supported that belief so I started having boundaries and having great communication and articulating my need and taking responsibility. Okay and I started dating and I went on lots of dates with frogs and I couldn't tell you a whole Larry stories about my dating experiences chances but even when the guy showed me like thirty minutes of his cat videos on his ten minutes into it I I was like Oh my God. What fascinating dude? I let us go. Did you become like. How did you teach your cat? This did you teach your best over. I'm GONNA marry her. Offered you video edit them together I was just like wow. It's like a phrase experience and I'm just going to go for it so I started having fun dating and then I was doing my life that I was dating online.

00:30:07 - 00:35:01

I was meeting people offline and ended up meeting my husband at a personal development related event. And how it just practice what I preach but I dated really with dignity in with intention attention for Gosh five years the earning about myself through the process and then about three or four months before I met my husband. Jeremy I was dating inning like way better quality guys but you know the animals they were like very quality casual like they were way better than the players in the eighties and the fixer uppers. But they were really looking for in a serious relationship and one of them. Sent me a message on facebook We were chatting. We'd gone on dates dates very casually like if I slept over at his house. I like never guy laughed. I never wanted to wake him win. This guy want to go to the fucking farmers market with him on Sunday And he basically said he's I was one of the most emotionally unavailable women he'd ever dated. Wow really like it was like a boxing match and I was. It's like Ding Ding Ding naming round. Whatever and I was like all right you know what God he noticed I am and I had to kind of go back and do the next level little excavation like in March and I met my husband at the end of April so it's just a continuation of work all the time they never stop? Yeah that's a good segue to take his. I have two major takeaways. One is I love your gut check of the next morning. y'All do I feel about myself and I liked that question because it's not judgmental it's like do you still like yourself. That's judgmental but this is open like how do I feel about myself right now and I think that's a good gut check every morning oranje regardless of whether you're going through in her work or or dating or just for life in general I also always on this idea of limiting beliefs. In every day I do another other gut check of is something I really believe in or is limiting belief and so many times we get stuck on. I'm here. This is what I believe. This is why I'm not ought dating the way I should be dating finding the right partner and then making that leap to believing the opposite is really really hard. It's really hard for someone to say you know. I believe that there are no good men out there to all of a sudden flip their perspective in say plenty of Goodman out there. I would say ask yourself. What is it GonNa take for me to be open to believing something l. -solutely so that's a great transition or at least it's a progression of saying I'm open to believing the opposite of what my limiting i? I found it really helpful to like make lists back to the workbook like I think like I mean. It doesn't even have to be men that you've dated are maybe it is a man you've dated. That was a good person. It just didn't work out right like Or maybe it's your friend significant others or your brother or your mail friendly. It can be like other her man like if you can just point to areas that are kind of evidence that you're limiting belief is untrue. Or like I never meet guys and it's like Oh actually do meet a a lot of men. Whatever reason isn't the right fit but it's not that I don't meet men in the first contact right so I think it's really easy to make these blanket statements and I think like really really into these limiting beliefs? Help you really identify more. We're there is actually that gap in what is just more like that imagination of of your own. That's telling you something absolutely. Yeah I mean I think the other thing it's just a I love this word dignity. I think it's just like what you said earlier. It's like I'm I'm doing things for someone that wouldn't even do for myself and I'm not saying again like you shouldn't kind of extend yourself for a significant other but if you feel like you're doing stuff that is not not like how you would want to be treated or ways that like things that you would do that like you're not seeing anything in return and you're just like feeling like a doormat that it's time to stop and like really think about out like this is not serving me. I'm not feeling like I have dignity the situation and like how do you change that and I love again like not to beat a dead horse but it all does come within like. I know we've talked so much on the show about people like going to therapy or dating coach or whatever like it may be think just like blaming the external external factors just like is never going to get the core of what is really going on no because you gotta dig from within right dignity and the official definition of dignity Date or quality of being worthy of honor or respect a sense of pride in oneself self respect yet. I'd love then the other last takeaway have is like I love this. Just get clear what you want like. Sometimes when your actions in your words are very different in means that one of them isn't aligning so like again digging deep to like understand what it is and like if you don't have time for a relationship and you are focused on work or you WanNa just like hookup in play around.

00:35:01 - 00:40:03

Then that's okay like that's kind of like where you are in the moment so I think like having that own compassion for yourself and like I know for myself self when I've done like kind of these limiting beliefs I remember. One of them was like Oh. I haven't had a relationship in years like something's wrong with me or like I'm not attracting men that wanted a relationship with me. Then I started to really think like actually when I was like twenty five I was new to a city I was not in the mindset for relationship so that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not capable relationship tape just where I was at that moment. Yes timing well absolutely absolutely in the underlying theme and all of those is curiosity judgment. I I love that curiosity about yourself and other people. That's aiding fun. It should be an experiment a never ending morning. What is harding piece of advice? Give with two singles out there who are feeling a little bit stuck in their dating life. I think one of the things that I bring it full circle you know my was my three kids. My three daughters who are now like in their twenties and you know out there in the world. I always say like I love the listeners. I love the women that are start like you know like I do it because because I love you like my kids right like to change women to change our cultures change the world one person at a time and so one of the things that I stopped them and they're really little which is sort of like the Batista Family Motto Is. Don't let your fear get in the way of your biggest dream even if your the biggest dream is actually your biggest fear. Wow that's so profound mike trump. Yeah they do that do that. Ah I've ever just add this one of your other catchphrases because you've the best catchphrase. Says he was told you that but I think that's why they've stuck all those years. I remember you were like you gotta gotTa get out of your your comfy condo comfy cozy condo kind of that and I love that because it's like okay it's safe. It's easy like Amac home comfortable but sometimes you have to get uncomfortable if it's really like something you want. That's when you change. That's when you grow well totally. And that's why we all want like new paint and our condo and you know we want to get out of our fat pants were like why bother you know like net APP flicks ordering literally everything but your dream is not in that condo. It is outside the cozy condo right. It's it's in the future that you vision in your dream. It's in your heart is in your soul. You deserve to have that longing. And it's okay. I'm giving you permission to have that longing even in two thousand nineteen. You don't need a man but you want on it to be fully expressed for who you are and how well does experiences. So yeah get Outta the Damn Condo as I look around my apartment right now. Oh wearing my elastic waist pants I will. I will say thank you very much Marnie reaching. I think what you bring into. The space of dating coaching and dating advice is the direction we should be going into which is personal development and also also city to city and sticking true to who you are but first of all finding who you are i. Yeah a lot of people. Don't know it's really easy like especially this day in age. Were they. Just like so many distractions. It's easy to distract yourself for a really long time. Yup So let those distractions bubble up and it's okay to be uncomfortable with your workbook in your skin dry uncomfortable with USB drive right now for a little bit thank thank you again Mardi so much so much gratitude for having you with us and I'm so glad we made for allowing me the date with dignity There is definitely some periods. I didn't have time for that so for our listeners. Home if you like to be a guest on data we'll we are are. We were looking for guests for an upcoming season's story. Yeah how did you. How did you find your own dignity? Yeah reach out. How did you lose your dignity today and then coming out of that that we're going to wrap this up? Stay want to continue the conversation. I follow us on Instagram facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable. PODCAST TAG US in any post with the Hashtag stay dateable and trust us. We look at all all those posts then head over to our website dateable PODCASTS DOT com. There you'll find all the episodes as well as articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts you can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze an offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums Roseau downloadable for free on spotify apple podcast Google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcast platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable.