Season 9 Episode 1: Is There Still Sex In The City? with Candace Bushnell

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Season nine here we come here some exciting news we've hit over one hundred and fifty episodes and in addition to a few more publications we were also featured as the best dayton podcast in two thousand nineteen by feed spot thinks spot and currently as we speak we're working on a video spooked that will be released very soon. Soon won a hint. Just check out. Some of our social media posts on facebook and instagram trust me. You won't want to miss it. This season is full of juicy stories as well as big nieves starting with this season opener. Give you a clue as to who she is. Dan donna donna okay. I'll spare you my humming because it's time time to kick off season nine right The now. Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating julie. I m fan girl right right now to even waiting for this interview forever because our guest today basically define my empire dating days. I don't know no and i could've gone through dating in new york without this woman who is co wayne out before we reveal our guest is. Let's just give a little background on who she is right now. She is in manhattan. She's been there for thirty years originally from connecticut. She's dating someone but hasn't d._r. Sixty years old this is candace bushnell. Everyone can now okay. Mojo wants to say is very very excited. He thinks he's mr big. That's what i've been living under a rock then. We will explain why we're so excited that can this show. She is an american author journalist and television producer. She wrote a column for the new york observer that was adapted into the best selling sex in the city. Anthology published in nineteen ninety. Six was the basis for the h._b._o. Series and two subsequent blockbuster movies that bestselling work she's also written for blondes trading out lipstick jungle one one fifth avenue the carrie diaries summer and the city killing monica and now the highly anticipated book is there still sex in the city which came out august six six and also you're working with paramount to develop that into our show. Is that correct. Yes correct. Is there still sex in the city. Bats bats what we're trying to figure out at this point you know interesting question because sex in the city is really about a journey that i took in my fifties when i found myself divorced and i you know i moved and i really changed my life a lot in by fifties in person they didn't want to date at all and then i realized i was going to and i didn't even know if i could have sex and what having sex when you're married was but then i got divorced and then i didn't have sex for like four years or something it s have gotten to that point before we've all been there like riding a bike right like a really good question to ask people over hit de who are starting starting to date again so many younger people are asking the question. Is there still sex in the city. I mean i hear so many stories from younger other people who either have less sex yup never go on dates. Yup are are not having the kind of sex that date liked to have feeling it just sort of universal question byrd b. We're in a sex route. It's an yes crisis it. Is that really true it as well. I think it's like what you just said. People are having less sex and other generations even though it's more accessible in theory like with all the apps for whatever reason it's not converting the same way you know what's so interesting because we look back on older episodes sex in the city or actually all of the episodes. The women met aldermen real life. I mean on the back quad. It doesn't happen like that anymore. Well huge huge change because i moved to new york. Actually when i was nineteen the late seventies and could go for ten feet without tripping someone who was a potential sex partner i mean i don't know how or why it was like this city was filled with young people now in new york city no one's in their apartment their face too small and no escape and when you put people together gather dan totally let's go back to the good old times when people literally on top of each other meeting each other in person to win saxon saxon city wrapped.

00:05:21 - 00:10:16

Where was your life at that point two thousand six. I married great department downtown. I think lipstick jungle was coming out that was being made into tv series doubt great you know when and i felt like had super bowl citing life to say that it sucks now but very into issue a couple dumb kind of your life was getting much inheriting where you exhale now and in some of your values you said i never we're anticipated that dating again in my fifties would be the case because you just think in your fifties you would be settled and being being comfortable. You didn't think you have to restart again. So what was that like when you had to do that i got divorced. It's a shocker gall's bad feel like a failure because some people baby get married thinking. Oh they're gonna get divorced but most people when you get married so you really do believe that person is the one really rocks your world like whoa that happily ever rafter. It's not happening for me really does shake you up and for me. I really made me question. This should all wait to dating and relationships. I'm in some people after they get divorced. They're like i'm going out. In fact i actually didn't want can't worse and it was a shocker. Yeah and my husband also had been having an affair with someone who is younger for two years. So how were you married for married for ten years when i was forty two so i mean this is something matt. I think they're they're kind of like cheap things that happen. You get married when you're young and you have the kids and then what happens people growing in different directions action than the wife often could feel like it has suffocated. She's just had enough the husband. She wants to get divorced. You gotta get divorced by the time we a your women feel like in your fifties. Otherwise really is delay because really nobody's thinking like hey. I'm gonna go out there and take my clothes off seventy. I komo news boxers ju. It's just not your fantasy so i out of this book. How much of it was based off your own life. Is you know we're calling it. It's auto faction okay because i say the truth is was actually so much worse. I it's difficult timing. Women's lives and also time that nobody ever innings about. What's what your life will look like after fifty. It's just a big ben you see attenuation of whatever's in your forties and somehow it's all gonna fit together. Gather if a quick summary of the book for anybody who has read it yet. We have the book right in front of us. Which is they're still sex in. The city is the name of the book it follows bushnell's smells piercing sly in sometimes heartbreaking look as sex dating and friendship in new york city after fifty and the book looks at love and life from all angles marriage urge and children divorce and bereavement as wallace very real pressures women to maintain their youth and have it all yeah. I think what you said to candidates about. No no one talking about the fifties. I think it's because like historically people assume like in your fifties later. You've got it all figured it out. You're married with kids and that's not the case anymore gore. Will you know the interesting thing as a woman because there's a lot of seven the book that it actually it is true details if you changed and i really wanted. The women are very defined because they really could be anybody. I mean when you get your fifty. It's kind of like the better what track you took all kinds of end up back in the same place interesting wherever you choose to have children or not have children like everybody kind of ends up in the same place in the fifties and sixties china to figure things out again rejected day. What is that place that everybody ends up that place sabrina invention and it's a substantial crisis a lot of people describe it as similar to what happens to you when you're like eighteen eighteen or nineteen you something switches your brain and you can suddenly look at the world in a different way like a lot of age nineteen year olds suddenly converse senegal paul but this is a time when you really look at what is your way.

00:10:16 - 00:15:02

That's a question that most of us don't even ask ourselves because we're working so hard or if you're raising kids you never ask. Why you're you know why you're here but when the kids get cronin then women's lives lives change and you're not needed in the same way that can have a destabilizing effect and then you need you sort of sort of bring the in those other parts of yourself that may be pushed down while you're climbing the career ladder taking care pins bringing out those other sides of yourself like this feeling that you still need to make the most of your life in like that you have like more limited time and you have to act sooner you know. I think it's feeling of what's important. It's a feeling of you also have to let things go. I mean this is the other hard that's interesting. Nobody talks about you. Do you have to let things go menopause. You kind of have to let go of the idea that you're not gonna have as easy for women. You've had their kids here like. I think it's still it's a psychological big as all your life you've told your point is sort of to have a baby right out to society chess. Chances are your parents are going to die. I just like statistically you deal with dabbagh end loss and figure out go on and how to find joy in new ways. This is a good way to talk about some of the themes we saw in the book because this is actually the first thing we saw was restarting in your life after fifty you restart their life after fifty as a single person. What was that experience like. You said you were shocked. I went in. I a live by myself for three years and i didn't date anybody accounted date somebody but i had a covering experience. A dubbing expert grants please <unk> winning younger guy goes after an older woman and this is a totally new thing every woman. I knows <music> over his suddenly bandaged supplement. Dating market is like either. They're one eighty five to thirty years younger or twenty or twenty five thirty thirty years old the whole generation of young guys out there who grew up with this idea of older women being sexy because the mills oh aw interesting they go i mean are they looking for our relationship no but some of them do you. I don't want to give away too much but one part that stood out to me was that whole kind of story line about one of the characters like one of your friends in the book having this relationship with the cub in basically him and his friend like pulling scam and like pretending that he was underage to get her money. Is that so so you see or do. You feel like it's a little more pure intentions like just like fantasizing about the milk or is it militias you know i think ninety nine ninety percent of the time if isn't militias with still it was like you know maybe you gotta watch out for some of these jobs and you know at ninety nine percent of the time do they have. They don't have the otilia motives. Okay come on. We know what i said. It's really just a lie because people people who have agendas in step in and you know in relationships younger women with older guys there with them for certain reasons seasons is well. It's usually she will like that. They wouldn't necessarily have access to a more grownup life and access to a life. You know people are more successful. They wanna learn something and all of that so it's not like scamming but there is still some sort of intendant they have. Yes take me how old was the cub that you took in twenty two yeah. It was a flirtation. It went on for about a year and a half that no i think the guy was twenty great. Yes went on for year and a half. I kept seeing him. We we did the same sport. I don't wanna say it is okay on state was riding horses. Sorry i was like a sport called sex there only the two of us there by riding horses exchange for were you guys sleeping resist during the period of no sex we know we we just had like a year and a half and then we did it once got. It just wants to go the olympics. Oh it was very nice.

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Maybe someday i'll see you again. Thanks joe romantic about it in heartbreaking because that's really the best place to be that sunday. Go see get <unk> hallmark so basically the two themes that we wanted to talk about was dating in restarting their life so while we're on the topic of day they just keep going with that but i remember in the book. There was this part about the tinder experiment that you did. Yes i guess like one in your own life. What how real was that. Was that experimental or to actually use tender. I actually used it. I used my real name because i had to. I couldn't wjr figure out how to do a fake name yet. Could i and i mean it was show that when i i you know i looked for men in my age range i mean this is one of the things it's so tricky about. Being a person who's over fifty there. Aren't that necessarily that many people your age who are on tender and in fact i think they were like the reman <unk> age range while i voted down to like twenty one and i got so many responses and about eight of them knew why what about like tinder is like the most extreme right yeah pombo or like even like match or okay cupid or some of the more like older ones undistorted years ago. I went when it first came out. The guy went on match and i was smoker and they were like joe. So why smoking so i was like okay they were literally format and all you know in. I don't know somewhere in the south. Oh wow is this when smoking became like not good no they. They wanna be to try tender. Because some women editor at caused has no try yes day i unless they tell you on the voice of god but the editor was twenty seven and she was engaged and she really wanted me to do a story in tinder because she felt that tender was was literally ruining her friends lives. They were really disturbed disturbed about it and they were having so many bad experiences and they kept thinking. Is it us the descriptions that they gave the guys on tinder four. I i never meant said about other. Men on gender was terrible. I mean i've never been in a situation where when the man challenge that other men are shitty. You're really in the wrong place boy each other a lot of lap yeah in the book. You actually seem to have some decent experiences on tinder. What was your <unk>. I did and i met a guy really attractive and he was really really nice and i don't want to give too much but he ended the kind of the worst case scenario what a women had described but i'll play yes okay. <unk> sent detects the next day saying that he'd been in the hospital and he'd take too much. I don't know some drug. Oh i guess maybe m._d._a. Indiana but i don't think that special k how was he was in his thirties right. So were there any good experiences on data gaps or were they all kind of like what the hypothesis of the article was hypotheses articles but really the bottom online with the online dating is that it requires so much more time and effort than the old fashioned analog dating and you know statistically a woman has to go on a hydrid meet ups to meet one guy and a guy men get turned down more. I think women. I think men get one. Every man gets turned down by like a thousand women who defines this is all very real to us for people vulnera- twenties and thirties complained about the same thing. Do you think just in your fifties. There's less options or do. You think there's other things that make it more. This is women's different. People people in their fifties are good at dating because they did it so much when they were younger. They were really good at you know i mean they can can be in a bar. They can be at a gathering. They can walk up to somebody and but they're also good at fixing people <hes> uh-huh. That's how a lot of people i know were my age at that meeting. Somebody it's in that seems to work and you you know a friend of mine did meet somebody online and she said she was just determined to do it.

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She met one hundred guy and she had sex with a lot of them off. Aw i was just she's a candy. It was just too big. I just there's no way dude. I'm sorry they it's such a thing as too small. There's such thing we know that so. How'd you meet your current undefined relationship oh and was this. The same guy with a book doc m._s._n._b._c. or is that it is the big and i met him quite she times before because you won't. I believe one of his friends is twenty. Oh my god agni <unk> say amazing. It's like such small world so i actually met him a couple of times with mister bay. Oh by god it's coming full circle had to be solar bam and be my new boyfriend. Yes and then a brand's mutual friend satis next to each other at a dinner party at night. We we just started seeing each other and is a great boyfriend but you know one of the things that i'm figuring out of beds could be different about dating at this stage age. People have their own staff. Our lives like i l like with him. The relationship feels really stressful. When we drive. Try to live together and spend every day together. I'd cotton apartment. He's got a place. I got a house in sack harbor. He's got a place isn't out there in the hampton. I've got two dogs like trying to move stuff back and forth. It's just that feels really complicated so it's like maybe the heart of hey got to be with each other every minute. You know maybe ten years we can do that. We're not trying to reproduce your have a baby. It's easier in a way and tall different. The end goal is different and it's interesting because i think when you get married in your twenties or i got married in my when i was forty jordy you really think like okay. This is gonna last 'cause like up. Marrying knows forty. It's got all the house right thirty years but now it seems like these this these relationships that people are having in this new middle age. This could be the person who you're going to be with at the end of your wife. Thank you might have to hines relationships. One is when your reproductive in it's the father of your children all of that reproductive partner and then the other one might be here sort of last thirty years partner you know more. It's a more caring you you kind of say. I guess what is your ankle like. Do you wanna get married again or is that not as important as it more just partnership. Let's take a breather now and celebrate back to school because most of us aren't in school anymore but it's a great time to push the refresh button and rejuvenate in a great way to do that as a beauty routine routine that gets the job done without getting in the way of life. That's how i feel about. Wander beauty wander beauty is specifically for people on the go by offering multitasking multitasking products such as my favorite which is the color for both lips and cheeks bam two birds with one stone and just because the products to more than one job doesn't they skimped on the quality of ingredients everything they offer us at the very best clean skin loving cruelty free ingredients will more could you ask for from your beauty routine seabright and for debut listeners only get twenty percents off your purchase at blonder beauty dot com slash dateable again. That's wander beauty. Dot com slash dateable all for twenty percent off. Hello visit wander v._d._i. Dot com slash dat a._b._c. l. e. now back to this riveting episode. I guess like what is your ankle golick. Do you wanna get married again or is that not as important. Is it more just a partnership having been married. I will say you know what there is something cool about being married you. I feel like you fit in because world is designed for couples. Even though have relation is single somehow how kill the world really feels like it's designed for couples so when you're a couple you feel like hey just like get re button a ah you get divorced. You like you know. I'm a loser edges people do when you first get divorced people you you treat you differently ended disheartening. I think i think it's when you're a couple. Nobody has questions they action. You're helping right. They don't question question your decisions in life but when you're morris or single at a certain a._s._c. sir question your decisions oh. How did you get here. What made you become this way right and one of the things that i've noticed that if you're a woman and things don't work out it somehow.

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It's always your your fault. You must have messed up somewhere along the lie. You know it's never like hey. You know what this is. Life stop happens to happens to all of us. We don't actually have as much control as we think we do and i think that's what you learn. When you you go through this period that i call middle-age mad as his you know have control over a lot of things the way you think you do when you're younger so with with the end goal like you just mentioned. It sounds like a lot of societal pressure like is there like from your perspective what is kind of the ultimate goal from just like personal l. side for me personally like if i look at a life affects you know the lifestyle of the human being and this is just step that i think about because my in other than i used to have these kinds of discussions and he invented a fuel cell they used in the first apollo space rocket while it was like a rocket scientist so tele- maybe has something interesting to park but it always seemed sagas that we pursue separate of you know friendships and all of that and i think it's about mastery and trying to master like being a human being and it's just about how to do things better how would be kinder however being more generous in spirit and also oh <unk> me because i've been raiding professionally since i was nineteen and i always figure i maybe die like on my infant my computer screen mackay. Oh my god. I wish listeners could do that to me. It's like always he's just trying to get better and better at what i do and you know. I feel like that's kind of all you can do so permission. That's like a guiding. A light is to just keep working and taking a new challenges and i feel if you believe it or not everybody wants to work and also take a lot of people wanna change. They wanted to do more charity things giving back by really making a difference that way a lot of people do that and it's amazing for me. It's just about trying to just become better better become great once you do candidacies for greatness at the end for greatness. You said something earlier that i want to revisit because you said dating at this phase in your life. If you've already built a life on <unk> individual of your boyfriend your training merge lives together and there are some difficulties with that even in my by late thirties i find that as well as i get older i hobbies i collect friends. I collect ways of doing my life yeah that that makes it harder for me to allow someone else into my space in a million years that too what are some tools that you're using to kind of navigate around that well royal. I totally hear what you're saying and i think in relationships they are about people being a lot of it is in the same physical space together and that is what you have to figure out i mean that's prolonged people. Maybe took dumb reason n._j._i._t. Married but like if you can make that commitment and then you get your own so you got to you got to get a shared space. It's like you got to start mcnew in a new space with that person and build up things together. I mean i think it really is like a married. Upper site like all of those exercises that they have couples do. I don't know if you've ever watched that child but you know i always watch that show. Because i think that is so uh-huh slower in there should be people out there training us. How have relationships i've been when i was in my early twenties. You start working working on having relationships right away. Sometimes the relationship it lasts for two months then you get work up to six months and they have a relationship relationship that lasts for two years and you have a couple of relationships that lasts for two years you learn and it seems so crazy to be detained people who were living on their own and suddenly bam. You're in a relationship and you basically just thrown out there like you know in the middle. It'll be okay and i just feel like we actually need like how do you really partner with what total bring up those difficult conversations about who's going to do what i don't want to end up having to pick up someone stops and be just often or i i bet present moment but then at the same time if you don't take those steps that doesn't grow into war right exactly so you mentioned earlier that you haven't define the relationship to you.

00:30:22 - 00:35:20

What does that mean because i don't know. I wonder if it's a safe thing is what we're calling you and your boyfriend yeah. That seems pretty yeah. I know wow i guess. I said he is my boyfriend. I guess said that i hadn't defined the relationship because it feels fluid blew it. You know like like we are like. We're doing things like we're planning a trip. We're going to go to boarding fee no. He takes van great trips that john and i'm chomping a lot so i think one of the reasons why i was like i'm not sure is it's my experience syrian in having relationships that when you have to go away or like a couple of months i mean this was something that happened in my marriage i would sometimes let's be gone for two months or he would be gone when it's starts when you start to have this thing where you know you're not seeing someone on tricky and i want to see how we do. When i go on to our i tried to put myself in the other person's shoes. If i had a boyfriend who was like hey i can't let's see you for two months. I pay pretty pissed off out. That's the hard part because then when you become so successful and you have all this stuff going on audit your life but then you also need to make for that other person well the yeah you know for so many years. We're seeing the single girl anthem related you go girl. Oh you be single. It's all good you be independent but at the same time we want to be unhealthy relationships. We also have to someone else in and it's still embrace our individuality but have that connected passion empathy for someone else so it is harder when you when you are in that mindset but also trying to like mold with someone else exactly and you know that might be that could be one of the benefits of the midlife relationship. You don't joe have to be in a rush. There isn't any pressure. You don't have to move that. You don't have to make huge decisions about a relationship. You know that's that's what you do. When you're younger. That's true i mean it takes the pressure on for sure if you're just trying to coexist together so i guests for other people in their fifties or sixties that are trying to find love again. Like what advice would you have for them. I don't know that i would have bite vice because i think that people in the fifties and sixties they know they know what they want and also they want different. Things being looks matters so much less. I can't let because everybody looks to say when you get to muster. Everybody just looks no the age our eye. Let's just the way it is also like nice really matters being there good personality somebody somebody who talks and and i think what's kind of amazing. The ability to love doesn't go away. It's still impossible to fall in love and chew love so i think that's what spray so there is still sex is but there is it also another things thinking of sets people seem to be doing a lot is tantric. Sex asked asked me wine. Twentysomethings aren't aren't doing tantric sex. They should be wow but it hard of the wellness. <unk> end. Ma held an tantric sex. It's not about having an workouts show. It's perfect older people wait what is in writing. This is about this. If it's not about an orgasm so the end goal is not to orgasm and it's more about pleasing your partner love show which all about the guy holding back on his orgasm leasing the woman out and i know it sounds so strange strange now but we'll did you for like an hour all these exercises positions that you do you know that's what sex line thirty years ago it was. All men. Were all about pleasing women. This is going to add the sex drought. We got it now. We need a resurgence of tantric sex. All the advice you've been giving candidates. I feel like can really applies to the twenty. Some year old dating game team to who are in a sex drought who feel dating is like a battleground. They feel like they are or against the the other people and someone just wants to win and what you're saying is when you if you approach dating like you're starting over again one you become from a lot more forgiving of your partners to you're just trying to coexist together so you have a lot more empathy for each other and three as you have tantric sex yeah yeah.

00:35:20 - 00:40:01

This is a really good segue to some of our takeaways so you i mean i guess you just gave one. Those are my takeaways. I really our listeners. There's a lot of them are dating fatigue. Actually a lot of them are off the dating apps and kind of given up on dating in general because they feel like they came in meet them online. They can't keep keep him in real life so i think what i'm hearing from you. Kansas is one. If you just reapproach your whole dating mindset like you're just just starting over. It becomes a lot more exciting. You try out different things and see what works and it's not about me against you but it's about how can we carry oriana relationship together that involves people so i love what you said about get into relationships even <unk> there short-lived two months two weeks three months that that's how you relate to other you know. I'm going to say they about dating his enemies relationships. You're gonna get hurt. I mean i remember number getting hurt so often and the worst thing is that online dating hurts before you even met the person say you're gonna get your feelings hurt before you even met the person in real life. At least let's date for two months before you hurt my feelings right. Yeah i mean i think if you're getting your feelings hurt. It means that you're giving your all yes anyway. That's a big piece. I think like my takeaway this. I don't want to say like like don't put yourself out. There don't have those relationships because i think that is the end of the day one of the most wonderful things in life but i think that take away i have is like it's just never predictable predictable like you may be married today. You may not be in a few years. <hes> yeah like you. Just don't know where your life is going to turn. Even if you feel like you have everything in place police so it's looking at that like in a way that makes you scared but looking at it away that the only person really at the end of the day that you truly always have is yourself so it's like i don't wanna say that like don't have outside relationships because yes we want you to but like you need to also be comfortable with yourself in like if someone leaves leaves like how do you like still to care of yourself and like have outside interest in have hobbies but then also how do you let someone into yeah. I mean honestly at twenty not five. I thought my life would be married with a few kids at now thirty eight and i'm not there in then i think about what am i going to be like fifty. You and there's no point in thing how that's how my life should be at a certain age because you never know what could have and this is why i so appreciate that there is follow-up follow up because when keri got with big that wasn't an all be all the end goal now about what happened to life after things are just always evolving evolving and changing and i love this other piece to like i think he brought up a really good point. Candidates have like society is like couples and it's like there's so many people that aren't not anymore. Especially with divorce rates up. Why is that case like. Why does that have to be that way. Why do people that are single have to feel like lepers like. I think it's going to continue to evolve because i because even come a long way. Also one of the things that i've noticed too i go to gala <unk> charity events and it one time people were so strict about it being man woman man woman <hes> you know they want to get the numbers right and now go oh and i will see like or by sitting together that which is always fantastic because the women always wanted to talk to each other anyway that it's like even i see bear like that's an altered rigid rule that that really doesn't even apply so. I agree one hundred percent that i think it's definitely changing. That's it's great like why should they go to a gala or single. You know candace. Have you been to bernie man chance and now i feel like a bird mad. They should've gone like when i started and now oh i feel like if i go it's it's like i think it's kind of it's over. That's a place to question all societal norms that i thought of it got it got the connection. I just carry awesome well. We have a few <hes> listener questions for you that we wanna do rapid fire but before we do that. Is there any other last slick thoughts or anything else that you want to add either about the conversation we had or about the book. I mean tastic to talk to you guys. I think we've covered a lot.

00:40:01 - 00:45:02

We have and i think like we did cover like the big themes of the book and i think people should definitely check out the book. I loved the book beams of light starting over again and dating a different age. We definitely hit on here which you can read up. Even more relatable for all age ranges would allow you just being over for fifty totally so here's some rapid fire questions from our listeners. We can just answer them as quick as possible. See what comes to your mind when we ask you this so ray. They read that carrie. Bradshaw was actually your pen name in the new york observer column because you didn't want your parents knowing about your private. Life was the reaction when they found out now. You are the actual carrie bradshaw well. We never talked about it. Hang the ever mentioned. It and i never said he'd bang hey. We actually didn't hear conservative but they loved it and love sex in the city. My mother not the eight so we have that as quad cab so go to that one. Why and i don't know for some reason every time i went tall. She would say you got to get rid of that age. I don't like a crazy about a either and it could be the key met you know she knew the real mr big 'cause he would come to our house right so eden. Heaping off of a real in was alexander exander pretrial ski so aided was not a real character. I would marry heartbeat so jared always said that alexander patrols used like it's no marsh that my ex as was a principal dancer with new york city ballet like the personality like your ex husband or just because he was elevated yet so aden was not real no no but he was the nice guy. He's at the universal ice guy that we're all supposed to go out with <unk>. He's the guy i who knew middle-age. You're like damn. I should have married. I've ever liked enid either. It's not because i dislike. It wasn't like right in corporate. Though oh my god yes twenty years ago. Who would you have wanna carry to end up with versus now. Who would you want kerry to end up with well. I feel twenty years ago. I didn't want carried with anyone. Why is that. I feel like in real life. Carry a district would not get married for the show and became a conic that they had to get married but it'd be like in real life. They wouldn't have gotten back together. After mr pig dot married again is that because that's what parallels in the real mr big in your life no he got mary gary and he moved to vermont once very similar it did parallel my life and he did marry some mr big mary someone else and i was really upset sat but he didn't get married at the plaza and then i didn't do that thing like should run in with love that seeing so much because it was really channeling the way we were with barbara streisand and robert redford that we actually actually i thought that was gonna be the end of the siri aw trysted saying asking we did not know there was gonna be third season. You have that was renew. Wow that was going to be the end all like okay. That's it owes a great white and then darren. I like third season. I so sad that could have been a finale episode two. It could have been so. I guess the women were they based on real character. Samantha miranda were were actual friends well. I you know i had a i have a lot of brands as you say that they're samantha too and i had a meridian data really charlotte but i kind of did and yeah charlotte's a little bit but she got married a couple of times so but might maranda was was like even like samantha like all. My friends were economy samantha verandah all the up and she was she went to a party. You believe where i am what i did and i was like a try. They choose like it's really rich guy's house and there was a professional football player there and she said i just had sex in a cedar closet. Section jeeter closet <unk> smell is unbelievable. They were all kind the people that you were friends with in real life like kind of merged a bit owners. Get here there and well these characters appear in the new t._v. A series or well they'd be a completely different cast.

00:45:03 - 00:49:40

No completely different gas thought it in a completely different characters in it'll be totally for castle. It still carries the lead playing you or will it not be no. It's gonna be somebody else lied jelly new girl but it's the idea of it's like what happens after you have it all and then our last question for you is in hindsight. What would you tell your thirty something year old self who so focused on finding the one. What would you have done differently. <hes> you know i would have said just don't worry about it. So much you know in are are you worried. <unk> show much said like just don't worry about it so much. That's what i said. That's great advice is because i feel like any time. At least i personally when i haven't been as focused on it. That's when you meet someone to. It's like it's sheen's. I mean to me. I always feel like i need someone when feeling it usually beach. Look when a bit by myself or you know a few months. Maybe maybe even like a year yup. I might sell working mice job and it's like when you're feeling good about yourself stronger baggage south. That's when when you meet someone in also that's the best time to beat someone. You don't wanna meet someone when you're not the feeling good. That's that's when you make bad decisions for a so. Don't wanna be alone or i so need to be out of my head in for my reality. See that kind of take that usually doesn't not gonna help yeah. It's coming from a place of fear not like oh. You're adding ready great life. Exactly i mean i think in relationships you certainly i mean you wanna come from a place of strange yup awesome. That is a great way to end this episode. Oh miss candace bushnell. The woman who's paving the way for all of us single and fabulous an independent women out there. We're who are looking for love but also looking for love within exactly that's the most important thing yup in front and that you gotta find joining yourself when you take the t._v. Show will happen. I'm so done for you know. I don't know hollywood is so difficult because it's always on its own schedule. The what is coming out is the book is out now. It's at amazon. Where else can you get the book barnes. No amazon independent bookstores bookstores the book and yet here are their bookstores at the airport. You can the buck and a man of arab. No yeah and i think honestly this is like the best we love the book. Is there still sex the city definitely everyone check it out down there and get it look. Thank you candace coming on our show. We sell appreciate you being on on the show with us and it's just such an honor to talk to you. I think julian still freaking out we're still janci. Great time. Guide must've seemed like every city episodes eight times. I would say a hundred yeah. I see eighty year. Kerry and i'm happy to be samantha yeah. Wow let's wrap this up for listeners at home. If you wanna come on the show to talk about dating at a different stage in your life starting over we'd love to have you on our show or societal pressures that in your face whether you're twenty thirty forty fifty sixty seventy every every something and you're not alone. That's the point on this podcast j. o. want to continue the conversation. I follow us on instagram the gramm facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcast tag us in any post with the hashtag stay dateable and trust we look at all those post then head over to our website dateable podcasts dot com there. You'll find all the episodes as well as articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium. Y why series where we dissect analyze offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums roseau downloadable for free on spotify apple podcast google oh play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us so don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay eight of all.

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