S4E12 Rope Bondage

00:00:02 - 00:05:05

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred brunches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interests and how you spend your time. And then they'll match you in small groups of sixty eight at a brunch spot in san francisco. Get a free entry into a french now. By signing up at five hundred branches dot com and using the code date able everyone. Welcome to another episode of dateable. A show that opens up a candid conversation about modern dating. We have a full house today. And i know i say that all the time but i actually feels like we have a full house today. Because we're all sitting really close to each about how on my floor i have a special guest hosts. His name is boris. If you remember him he was part of our season. Finale for season three The stories about him and his now wife kate and kind of their story of how they met which was on jay. She's not a she's not jewish and so he's a now a married man and we thought it'd be interesting to get boris on the show get married man's perspective absolutely. Hello big fan of the season ender. Oh yeah because it's about you. He's been in san francisco for six years originally from boston. We've had so many boston's on our show. I feel like we should just move to boston. San francisco's over filled with east coasters especially boston. I don't know why that is but was such a lovely place to live and our special guest today. Her name's eva. She's been in san francisco for eight years from olympia washington and she's thirty years old. Okay so you're bring on a topic that we haven't really covered on our show all right so tell me about why you're here. I think i have interesting Of a sex life or life. But i am into rope bondage and the kinks seen here. So i'm here to talk about that. I will admit this. I'm super vanilla. So this is something i really don't know anything about julian. I watched the new fifty shades. You feel we can as homework to study and research to study up on with this world is all about. I could given you some better moving. Guess my biggest question is how do you find out your into this rope bondage. That's a really good question So i've always known that. I've been a little weird and kinky especially in bed When i had boyfriends in high school and college i was always into rough sex. You know like spanking rape fantasies kind of stuff. That was a little outside of the box. And my boyfriend's were always really great and they indulged my fantasies But it wasn't until. I went to know burning men that i really discovered From san francisco pretty you know when it was man for the first time in two thousand thirteen and i found a camp called suspended animation and their whole stick is they tie people up and hang them from points and let them have what they call a bondage ride. So i got my first bondage ride at the burn and from then on. I was completely hooked. Total rope slut. I didn't actually get to dive in like right. After the burn because i was dating a partner who was proven and not super into it So i broke up with him a couple of years later and then i went. Full bore into rope In portland oregon actually Well that's how i got into it. Was it the people you're with that sort of brought this out new or we just always had a. You're like drawn to that kind of porn. Or what is it that initial seed. It's just i know. I don't i cover a great answer for this one. I think it has a lot of things to deal with like my upbringing. I was raised catholic so i always associated sex and intimacy with a lot of guilt and shakes catholic. Yes so exactly. Are the craziest. That i'd like to think but also like you know if i was in like if i was having the action done to me i didn't feel as guilty about it kind of so. That's why i kind of liked being like taken over and restrained That's why i liked you. Know a little bit of like masochistic tendencies and bad like spanking. Really fun for me. Like being held down was really fun for me And so that all kind of plays into rope bondage as well But honestly bondage can be non sexual and for part of me does like non-sexual rope bondage Pardon me the sexual robot really louis.

00:05:05 - 00:10:01

What's non-sexual rope bondage. So people get into wrote for all kinds of different reasons You can do rope. That doesn't have any sort of like penetration. They'll they'll be like you know touching between two people that are sharing experience but you can also get into a head space in rope that is similar to like zen yoga kind of just like a complete emptying and like a focusing inward on sensations that are happening to you and that actually was like part of the reason. I really liked my first experience. Suspended animation was. Because i got to totally turn off my brain all the voices. You know that run through my head telling me certain things just kind of shut up for a second. And i was able to get like fucking zen which doesn't happen very often. I'm kinda neurotic. So so like a literal. Just giving up all control control. You give up your mobility. You're also in the case of what i did which is suspension bondage hanging upside down. So you have kind of like head rush going on endorphins. Going on in all culminates into this. This kind of beautiful Almost spiritual experience. I'd have to say you're just about to pass out from all the blood that's it. I mean if i'm actually have almost passed out in rope and you do know when you're gonna pass out and that's the bad the bad feeling. That wasn't like that so so for someone who's never experienced this before. Would you say like oh you can start out with non-sexual rope bondage. Yeah i brought rope. I can tell you right now and it would be on sexual. I would just kind of show you like a one little tie. You always bring rope. I just i know not everywhere. But i was coming to this thing and i was like well i should probably bring all my stuff just in case the answer should have been yes everywhere to the grocery store. I did bring it on my tinder date last night but he did not want me to time up. I was like okay. Well yeah it was a first date. I was going to rope after like the tender date of rope events. Does okay a rope taking notes. Because i ask so many questions of roping ever bring it up like when you're before you meet someone. Is it like a deal breaker for you. If they're not into that kind of. I mean if it's going to be like a romantic partner they have to be. They don't have to be into it themselves if they have to be. At least open cool with me. You know doing role playing with lots of other people Wendy bring it up to them usually like immediately because it's sort of part of my identity at this point so i like a pretty good initial if you're not going then whatever we can be friends or we can ride bikes. But we're not gonna probably the intimate okay so many questions about just fetishes in general love about fetishes on the show okay. We've had guests. Who would argue that. They develop fetishes depending on the partners at their So some people have fetishes regardless of who they're with and some people have fetishes a dependent on who they're with. How do you feel about that. I guess i can do. Both rope is something that i've can do with lots of other different people because i just kind of feel it inherently in me. It's something that is of me of someone else. But yeah i've definitely had partners where You know i met them through the rope community and then we started dating and we did like light. You know dominance and submission kind of stuff that i found really fun like orgasm. Denial and control. But i i don't really seek that out with other people. It's just kind of if it happens to come up in a situation in. Have you dated someone where there was too much for you. I haven't you know. I don't really an even in the context of like a play situation where someone's like. Hey i want to do this to you. Usually you just say no. I'm not okay with that but you know we can do all these other things. It's never like a. I get so strict i run away kind of thing it's usually like you said the like if someone's not into rope that's kind of a deal breaker for you in terms of a relationship. So what what i'm wondering is. Have you met people where you want willing to do. Kind of regularly what their main kink was and it was a deal breaker for them. I haven't actually. But you know what i'm pretty slow to like. Really trusted engage with people. Sometimes like i have play partners but it's usually people that i've liked thoroughly vetted like by watching or like by interacting it like in vanilla settings i. I've never really encountered the like one camp that i won't do nothing i mean. I'm sure i know they exist. I have a list. Let's go to tomatoes indefinite. Yes where are they going. Have you ever date someone who said you know what i've never done ropes.

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But i'm open to trying and then you had to introduce them to the faddish. There's no one. I've actually had introduced to rope. I've definitely like taught bondage classes and introduce people to rope that way. Really really cool. Yeah really big inbounder bondage classes like i did. It was last year and it was really fun to like. Be walking around Rock city like four days later and see someone in the harness that i taught him he was giddy. It was really nice but yeah so so transport us there to beginners rope class. Oh would you. what are the fundamentals that you teach. Oh you know it. This was just a grand experiment. I'm actually going to try and teach it again at a workshop. Coming up which i'm really excited about but i just you know teach like a basic like tied to restrain like a wrist like a limb so like a single column rope. We'll go around. And you can attach that limb to a certain point like a bedpost and you can take the other lemon attached to another point like a bad place and then like eventually. You have four ropes on you on all of your lens and you're like spreading you ready to go Or you can do something. Like super decorative a body harness. That does you know like a triangular pattern was the one i did. I really easy. You can just run around and pretty rope on planet. so so this is like the next version of The boy scouts rope course there is to it. Yeah it is a lot of people consider it. An art mean especially like the japanese considerate. It kind of serious art. So do you like being tied up or do you like tying up other people so degree question. So i like being tied up mainly I love that head space. I love the like giving over of control. I like heather broke. Feels on my body But i'm trying to learn how to tie people up. So i'm doing a lot of self tying right now i don't trust myself not to injure. I should have liked disclaimer before we even got into this topic but rope is actually very dangerous. So please proceed with caution. Don't do anything stupid. Don't hire the loan always have buddy but yeah so i've been doing self suspension Recently i'm trying to get myself to a point where i know how to tie things on myself and then maybe i can transfer that to another person. But i'm not there yet. You know what i'm starting to learn here is because i know nothing about the subject when i heard that you like being tied up i thought it was actually just being tied up by silks or by like handcuffs. But for you. It's actually the feeling of the ropes. Yeah i mean a lot of it is like a kind of a head space but yeah just having so like there's so many there's natural fibers. I like i'm a big fan of shoots. I don't know why there's also like sad is. Yeah it's just a fiber. I'm not like comes in like. Yeah it's like it's like have you turn the natural fibers. I love the way it smells. Like i'm just like so. What's like rougher so there's like an abrasive factor. yeah. I mean there's still growth. There's also coconut rope. Which is super cheap. Which is fun. But but what about like if someone tied you up with Like furry handcuffs without that totally. Turn you off that or any weird. Like i'm i'm like totally entrenched in the king community but i totally missed some of those milestones like fuzzy handcuffs. I've never done handcuffs. Were fuzzy ones back. I i don't are you. Kidding happened to your eighteen in one thousand nine hundred. Do you know what. I'm used as someone who coming into this. The stereotypes that i have when i think of like very handcuffs. It's a silk and then sublime lines judge fifty shades. She has a great movies. Talk about it. But i guess those are things that visually look appealing in movies or on tv show on tv but nobody really shows like rope tied know about it. Yeah not really. I mean fifty. Shades did a tiny tiny. Bit of bondage. I actually know the rigor the top who is like consulted on that film and it wrote rope so yeah home so So if you're in into There's usually a giver of an action and then receivers so in the case of rope. The person tying the rope is because of the rope top but there's also other Levels to being a top you could be a dominant a don so someone who likes to Take control in. That can take the form of physical control or even like emotional control to a certain extent and then like a level above that is Master master slave where a master actually exacts like total ownership over human slave and this is fully negotiated agreed upon consented to advance Going back down that ladder so from slave you go down to Submissive level down from that is is me.

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i'm considered. I consider myself a rope bottom. So i just like the sensations. I like having the actions done to me. But i don't really dabble too much in dominance and submission or any of the other tiers and when you get into the be dsm community. I'm guessing there's sort of this really friendly vibe where you can share experiences like you were saying you play with each other but then do you develop emotions while you're in the middle playing with each other. Oh yes certainly you can You can also. I mean there's there's different levels of interacting with someone so sometimes it's for me like just rope which is like it could just be like a demo situation where hey i need to practice this particular tie. Will you be my model. And it's like oh yeah sure it's just like you know kinda boring non sexual non sexual for science I'm happy to do that. Kinda wrote with people. Especially if it's a trade like we can practice on each other and then there's Kind of the more like just play that could involve other actions like impact play or like You know toys of certain kinds. But they're still not might not be like a whole lot of emotional connection might just be like. Hey this is the parameters in which we are setting up their called scenes and this is kind of what's going to happen And then you know yeah. There's there's like the deep deeply connected rope. Which is you know or any kind of media sunscreen and let's go to And i've had like all different kinds and it's yeah it's a fun it's fun and all in all the ways i mean it strikes me that this like any kind of king just requires so much communication the like that kind of predisposed to emotions in a way. Yeah i mean yes. And no. I tend to like the people i play with so like i have kind of a baseline connection with them. Most of the time But it doesn't necessarily mean it's sexual it's just like oh i like you you know a good person Of course you can step on my face or whatever but Yeah you do have to communicate though like and that's something that i should stress as someone who is talking about this topic and sort of an expert seat. Although i do not claim to be an expert at this at all how does your sexual life play into how you view relationships and what you want really. Good question I i i kind of find that. I like all different kinds of things in life and in sex so i also don't really believe in monogamy so i've never really felt like my partner. I'm actually looking for a kind of a nesting partner at this phase in my life. I'd like someone to lake. Wake up next to and start vinyl collection with excetera So yeah but. I don't think that like whatever they're into any way is going to Like i'd probably like them as a person. I don't need them to be like fit into a certain box sexually or otherwise because i feel like i have the freedom to explore it up i need to explore what others so so in terms of just for yourself is it about the experiences of playing with multiple sorts of people or is the sexy at all to think about trying different experiences with one person. Oh yeah so as you go down the kink rabbit hole. They they have a we have a saying which is like anything that was like a hard no or like a red when you first got into. It is going to be like a hell. Yes six months from now like yeah. I've definitely had that experience with like. I know certain types of things like needles like i kind of quick by needles. I like when i go to hospitals i freak out but like i think it was probably six months ago. My partner you know. He had needles and he had taken a clause and he's like hey on this. And i was like okay and like i'm also really driven by fear is gonna say that and not how was it was amazing. Yeah so yeah so he. He just basically placed needles like right on my chest kinda like underneath my collarbone but like above the breast In this little formation called pleasure button pushing not acupuncture not accurate but for me it was mainly like oh my god. These like pokey things are coming at me. I kind of like i sort of thrive off that fear a little bit So yeah i definitely want to do more more needle play and then the thing i want to work up to you that i'm completely afraid of right now but i really wanna do something called hook suspension vis. I really just want.

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I was thinking about going up to portland and doing it. Oh portland at. That's where you do. What is hook suspension is just like placing him in different parts of your body and then hoisting you up. So you're like hanging in the air usually go on like your back. Sometimes they can go on your chest. I've seen people suspended from their knees It it's like it's a pretty invasive process like definitely break skin. There's blood there scarring. It's like crazy but it. Sounds like just totally blissful. Euphoric to me is so scary. But i was fully on board with rope by the way. Talk about kate. Kate get ready warm up those. We're going to practice totally. I guess. I wanna re asset question. Because i didn't know it was not the right. My train of thought was not right. When i'm thinking thinking about the evolution of when you get down this that ish rabbit hole. Will there ever be a time where you basically exhausted. All the fetishes out there every combination possible and then it then what vanilla sets long. So i wasn't. I wasn't expecting hooks so i'm gonna go with. No well see the hooks and movies there. I mean there are so many different flavors to this place So i don't really know where i've i've done some things that like. I was surprised by. I'm like i. I play is something i've never really been into which play it's Yeah it's where people identify as an animal and so some people like dress up like puppies or dogs or horses and then they have like easily handler that gives them scratches throws the ball. And like you know. Sometimes people are bridled if they're like an pony mode So i was just like. That's like a strange fulsome streeter. Yeah totally i mean. They have like all kinds of like big fetish cons and like there's also groups in the city you can go to get hooked up with those people if you want to. I is actually considering going to one but anyway so yeah long short I i started a joke with a couple that i played with in rope that i was there. Baby goat and somehow devolves or evolved into us like doing a full on goat scene. Where i was like tied like they had like a collar around my neck a rope collar and i was bleeding and the dungeon and they were like beating me and it was like wow. This is really fun that one sexual or was that just that was just masochistic and weird. Kind of weird. So let's let's back up a little bit because you said hey i. I really like to have multiple play partners so not non monogamous. Is that something. That's pretty common in the kingston. I would think that yeah. The king seen is like open in general like it's also very gender inclusive I mean people would argue that point probably But because like it is considered you know on the fringes or a little bit. Not so much deviant. That's not what i want but You know it's weird. So i i think that as as people the the gangsters are a little bit more accepting of alternative arrangements are people in the community. Monogamous are any of them. Oh absolutely there's all kinds of all split flavors of people existing thinking community as exist in real life. So yeah it's this is fascinating to me because it's this kind of like under around community that i mean i guess i was gonna say taboo but this is yeah taboo and almost where the word comes from right in terms of. Yeah i was going to invite you guys to go later tonight. If you wanna come on so town what happens nails marilyn manson mash of nights. So what does that even mean goes like one of the longest running broke events in san francisco. But it's like it's also kind of the nelas with the king stairs but it's just broke bondage happening there. Suspensions happening people just kind of like you know dressed in there like awesome fetish gear and drink and dance and whatever got my sweater vest. You could be my little pony. There's just nothing different about fetish community than like keys or do cost play or you know what i need. I think it's just. I always thought like king community was very much sexual be but it's not it's actually sort of a lifestyle and also just an alternative way of expressing yourself like sometimes i bark for no reason i realize. Hey that could be a fetish. I really like barking. I love barking. I will omit it right here. You got. I love barking. My boyfriend would tell you it'd be like why are you barking all the time. I'll bark at anything. I love barking so hold on. Can we get a bark. But i just do that a lot like i turn the corner.

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He's that's all the time but it could be sexual kind of dog. You are do have some doodle golden doodle. Most likely yeah. That's sort of my favorite thing. But yeah i don't i didn't realize there was like kind of a non sexual very playful side to this absolutely and it's all about just kind of exploring the multiple facets of who you are as a human being and we're all weird you know. I really think we're all weird but it just takes a little something to bring it out of you. I'm gonna do a round of stupid questions. We should just ask stupid questions that we have on our mind and no judgments when people play with tangible objects like rope or handcuffs or whatever. Do they clean them between people. Yes yes okay. So it's really important to wipe them down right. I mean if you're a conscientious inkster. Yeah absolutely if you if you share toys you clean leathers hard to clean. It's possible so people who are partnered have specific toys they use for one partner like anal beads. Like no matter how much you clean that. I wouldn't want someone else using a us one on me. Yeah i mean that's totally within your right to talk to your partner about before you bring out the anal beats something it's like in addition to what diseases do you have conversation. Let's talk about how clean your equipment is right. Yeah i mean there's some there's some trust you put into your play partner but yeah that's a great. That's a great negotiation. Question is like okay. Where has this been and you know what my risks. That's your own risks. How do you clean your ropes. So i i don't totally clean them a lot but you can. You can wash them by hand if they get really. I don't do any like fluid rope yesterday with my rope So i don't feel like. I need to clean them between people and those rigors tell you i'm definitely not a rager but most most people do like wrote a lot would tell you that if there's no fluid on it it probably is okay although don't quote me on that not ostracized for saying there was like sharing. Close is probably the same thing. Yeah yeah it's not like. I don't know if rope was on your body and then it went right on my body. I kind of be like okay on it now. Okay yeah yeah yeah fired it up town question so i it's interesting. How row play a lot of. It's not sexual is just a lot of it too. yeah. I just don't do a ton of sexual play so there is a side of it though. Is there at east side of like evil like that that would it be sexual as just some yes. Lend itself better than others. I think it really depends on the person like maybe you just want like to hang out in the butt plug in like clean the bathroom or something you know it's like it's like you off on the service element of that and then the also kind of the invasiveness but not it doesn't necessarily have you get off but you don't actually get off just like love that feeling Emotionally or physically or otherwise. Well my friend may. Who's an er doctor. She says she sees things up people's crevices all the time. You saw sexual. It's always sexual. Yeah she seen at all right so you talked about. hey Sometimes hanging upside down where you kind of get this feeling in your head of losing oxygen and just a bad feeling or that were kind of like bad experiences with what's really great question out through the best question asked because yeah i have had some bad. Things happen in rope The worst thing that i had happened is nerve damage So you can impinge nerves especially with some specific kinda ties if you're in suspension or even if you're not so one thing to really monitor if you're going to grow bottom is sensations that are happening in your body so if you feel like tingling in your hands that could be a loss of circulation or it could be a sign of nerve damage So i wrote bottom enough. That i have a certain amount of body awareness. I know that if like my hand starts to go numb to like towel. The person who's tying me out. Hey this is happening. Can you like maybe adjust the ropes. So let me. If i do start to feel like nerve damage coming on Like i can actually feel it instead of having like no feeling but i was. I was doing a double suspension with someone that i had tied with regularly and he left me and i actually left myself in an inversion for like half an hour. I had a hip harness on and it was Going over i guess not sure what nerve probably the federal catania's nerve nerve that runs like kind of over eur.

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Ilya crest and i didn't notice anything was wrong until i came down and i was like. Oh you know. I can't really feel a big patch of my leg are like my upper thigh and it's just kind of hurts. It's weird and he was like. Oh yeah crap that does happen sometimes and it does. It usually takes four months to get sensation back. It just sort of. Yeah just sort of strange strange when you when you shave. I had something else happened to me. Could that i tore or something. Some connective tissue in some way that i not even aware of because i honestly still have like pins and needles sometimes in this hit and it's been a year and a half since this happened. I didn't physical therapy. I kinda like freaked out about it. I got a nerve conduction. Study like test my sensation. Wow so it's like it's serious. You can fuck up your body and you can also fall. You know you can have a head injury happened. If you're you're suspended in a row and even if you're on the floor and row you can live in that particular instance. That was that his inexperienced or your lack of communication or what. What lack of awareness like what. That's a great question. I absolutely it was not the rigorous fault. He just didn't like there's no way to know kind of what's going on. Sometimes it's easier to tell your hands your legs. I found it harder to tell sometimes. Although now i know that like hey if anything goes now murph. I'm feeling anything weird. It's like automatic down You don't really fuck around with like that sort of thing But yeah i think it was just like i was. I was hanging upside down for a little too long. Probably should have come down before. I don't know if it would've prevented anything. Sometimes things can happen like you know within a few minutes seconds. It doesn't matter you kind of actually went in a different direction. I also kind of wanted to see in terms of things going wrong like so much of this as around control And like you've got an and you mentioned. Hey i have multiple partners that i do this with Have you regretted handing kind of control over to someone and like question yet. One time i have. And i've been pretty lucky. I don't know if it's because. I'm like slightly more assertive or like older. When i got into rope or something but like i usually like in pretty good at negotiating with the people that i played with ahead of time. What's okay what's not okay. And i'm good at communicating in general during the scene. Something's not going well. Then like absolute say something and usually that solves the issue. Yeah i did have one time where i felt like completely like emotionally fucked with to the point where i left the scene and the party just feeling like really picky so it was like this guy who i had negotiated within played with but i actually like usually the one of the things that you need to to be if i if i'm gonna play with you as you need to like be able to see the humanity on the other side like i need to be able to read you a little bit and i need to know that you know i'm person which is usually not a big deal but this particular person i just could not read. He was he was really hard for me to kind of connect to you and so the things he did if they were done by another person would have been probably fine but to me it just like it was just kind of fucked with my mind a little bit. Like for instance he He said he's like do you want nipple clamps or how do you. How do you feel about all these kinds of nipple clamps. I okay all of them except for the magnetic ones in which i could probably only take those for a minute because magnetic clip clamps will like engine an engine and agenda and pension pension more so as time goes on so he put them on me and made me count to sixty. I guess kind of loophole. And then he was like there was some zafy things involved in there were metal so a lot of things going on so he basically broke the agreements. The you had set up kind of before getting into the. I will definitely say admit. It was like a loophole can handle it for a minute. And he. he was probably like he was more on the dom into the spectrum than i was probably used to. But we had a great lake debrief afterwards. Where i was like. Hey that didn't work for me And here's why and he was super receptive to it and we were actually like friends and hang out at parties so hold up. You have debriefs after this. Yeah yeah after the scene or totally what you is. It like an exit interview. How did you feel about that. We are typically after a scene There's something called after care and it's basically a time for the two parties involved to just get their needs. Met like if you. If i've just been up in rope i kinda just want to like lay and sometimes cuddle and like you know if you have just been tying me up. Maybe you need some water. You need to like relax. Maybe we wanna snuggle or have sex or whatever the thing is but yeah then then. It's usually like especially in this all established beforehand.

00:35:01 - 00:40:06

Yeah so you talked about after care like hey you know what do you. What do you want for africa. What do you need after care. Ice cream actually. Three two after care is one of my favorite things like do ropy things brito And where did my heart. I feel like a lot of this could apply to dating while it's one when i'm hearing is you have to be really in touch with your emotions and your feelings. If something doesn't feel right you should voice that also going along with sensations may be our new but being open to those sensations if they don't feel bad right totally it also this aftercare situation. That's always been my thing. I'm like i think every relationship deserves an exit interview. You should sit down and talk about what worked in this relationship. What did it what we could have worked on. You know it's like it's it's a great way to show your partner that you've really respected them as a human being i. I would agree with that. I never really thought about it in that way because it was just something. That's socialized is. You're going to these things but yeah that's a great way to put that. There's a pretty high buried or entry. What's like what would you say. Like the average ages of someone who's really into the scene so it seems like you've got to be pretty mature age ages definitely very. I mean you do want to be usually the eighteen. I mean most events will get you if you're not eighteen but yeah i mean i i. There's like the the next generation group which is like you know anyone like eighteen to thirty five forty and then there's like you know the other stuff i think next time i'm defining myself as next generation actually leads into our question of the day. We'll do this really quickly question. The day comes from rebecca. She says i'm starting to explore the community and part of it scares me and part of it really excites me. Any advice on someone entering the community as a newbie like myself. Yeah my advice would be education. I so there's ways to find if the person is in san francisco There's a calendar online called aero bay their obey dot com. Which is where i looked. How do you spell that a. e. r. o. b. y. dot com and. I think probably double check that but Also there's a basically like a facebook for kinky people away to connect called fat life. I'm sure you've heard of it But that's another great way to learn about local events. The things that i would suggest to be go to a much is just like a meet and greet at a bar. Usually a munch called him lunch. That's how that's when. I totally different connotation that. We're going to later tonight. Bondage go bondage. I'd probably not even going to bother to go but t's all totally take you know. There's all kinds of different great events. I would just say. Please learn first before you go doing all of the things because sometimes it's like you're a kid and candy store and he wanted to do it all and then you end up in situations that you may want to be on our end up getting hurt. bentley when i was a newbie didn't probably take slows. I should have and Now i am really Into mentoring and fostering like a community that makes sure that newbies are taking care of one last question. I forgot to ask you this do. Does your family know that you're into oh a really good question. Yes so i'm pretty open with just about everyone especially people who are close in my life The exception is my dad. I told my mom about this. And she has taken a good year plus to come around to it. But i have a really close relationship with her and it was kind of one of those long like we please just try and understand and so we did a lot of like back and forth like she's my mother she just as concerned about my safety. I need to respect that. And like hey. I'm her daughter. I wanna be me. And i wanna feel accepted for who i am. And this is pretty critical to who i am so i needed to share it My mother's long suffering so what is getting accepting it mean to you. I don't wanna have to go home and be like hey. I'm headed to portland. What are you gonna do there. I don't have to lie about that. Come up with some like story and then you know i don't need you know. I don't need to give her like grotesque details of my night. But like i could i connect with these people and those really fun and you know just so. She knows that this is a really like great supportive place full of people that i actually care about and like really fun things to do so. She had a conversation with you about safety. Yeah i she didn't like her one of her questions. Do you wear helmets. And such a motherly. Well no she wants me to be on like full on climbing gear and like like draw drop underneath it and like i the market segment for rei. That's actually where you get all your equipment carabiners and stuff there.

00:40:06 - 00:41:58

So i'm i'm i'm sure all right maybe i don't know Yeah yeah might make their brand called rock exotica little pirates on them. And that's why. I got them into rock climbing then. I'm not it's really weird. I know i should get into it. That would be a fetish. You had open you up to a whole new sport really okay. So we're going to wrap this up. I love this conversation because in addition to discussing dating we like to open the conversation about different communities that exist around sex around dating around interests and this is definitely eye-opening we invite more communities to come on and tell us your community is all about. Also i want to think. Boris for being my guest host today awesome questions thinking eva for coming on and sharing with us your and last but not least your action item for this week is to ignite. Your curiosity is their topic. That you really intrigued by weren't activity that you've been wanting to try or even something that's so out of your comfort zone but you wanna learn more about take action on this curiosities and you never know it could open you up to a whole new world for at least a whole new way of looking at the world. The most efficient way to meet new people is a combination of online and offline five hundred branches has offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table. Full of friendly faces memorial says an eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable. Podcasts dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts.