S2E6 Double Booked

00:00:00 - 00:05:00

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

And i move so i loves. We are excited. You've join us for an older episode. While our earlier seasons were all about dating in san francisco we quickly realize all the themes. Learnings are universal for all daters so we shifted to covering dating from all around the world as the seasons. Progress to the fun part. Is things happen. I san francisco the tech center and counterculture capital of the world. We love for you to keep tuning in to our older episodes. But there's no set order to listen in so feel free to jump to more. Recent seasons are relevant episodes for you. Enjoy the show this episode of dateable as brought to you by scoot. You can explore san francisco on electric scooters and have the best. I state of your life dateable listeners. Get a special deal. Sign up for ten dollars and get three hours of scooting sign up at scoot dot co forward slash date able where usa code hot date. Everyone welcome to another episode. Dateable a show that opens a candid conversation about dating in san francisco. And you know when you date so much in san francisco you lose your voice because you're going on all these first dates and you have to talk about yourself. And that's how this raspy sexy voice the voice you just heard. That was a super clear. Apparently have been going on that me. Dates that's michael vargas and the voice that sound just so tired and exhausted but still fighting is you a and on each episode. We dissect dating story and today. We have alan. Allen are you there. Hey how's it going on here allen's here in studio with me and he showed two glasses of wine powder drinking drinking water so this is gonna be a good one. Because he's lit. What was your dating story. So the this reminded me of a story because the other day i was at the gym and when i'm at the gym this personal trainer me and everything i know this guy because awhile back at the gym like doing my exercises my weightlifting and stuff and i was like gazing often the distance in between sets and i look over at this personal trainer like saying if i dislike worked out here like every day you know maybe i'll get like really like dating a guy like our eight and so then and i knew was because we like said hi to each other like give me like suggestions on like different things like we definitely knew who who each other were. I think we'd even talk to that point so literally. I just talked to this guy. And then like this whole fight you know like inbetween sides taking a break looking out of the sky. It looks like michael phelps just in my gym to thinking. Wow this guy is like so hot. This is going to be my motivation to keep going to the gym so i can start surrogate and guys like that talk to me. I think it was like one day later that i started talking to him on a dating app and he totally pretended like he didn't even know me right. He's just like talking to me. You know so we're talking. And like i know who he was and he's trying to like invite me over and i was like like. Do you know who. I am like say at the gym. And it's like oh yeah yeah. Of course i know you're so so i ended up hanging out with him over to his place is like really nice. Beautiful apartment in the city like thirtieth floor overlooking the city. And so i remember when i went over there the first thing i asked them. Do you have any roommates. 'cause i was surprised like somebody. That's a personal trainer has such a lavish lifestyle and stuff and he was like no. It's a one bedroom. My roommate be so so we end up having sex tonight and then threw that is the next day. This guy is like so my mind. Because i want to know more about them because is like my first first time on a date with him so i text this other personal trainer. Who's also the gym. That i'd like taken some group fitness classes with this guy new me so both these guys. They're like best friends both personal trainers at the gym. That i go to. They're both gay. They like hang out all the time. So i'm i'm out overlooking. We're on like one of those peers by the ferry building. Like holding hands really. Don't even like this guy is trying to get some like reconnaissance over my hook-up from last night. And so i say to him i was like. So what's the deal like so fake names here. But i was like so you know you in josh.

00:05:00 - 00:10:01

You guys are like both in shape. You're both single. You're both like best friends. You hang out all the time like. Why aren't you guys dating. These like josh's married so can't really date him and and so and so that makes sense then of how he had such a nice and apartment that he must have like some sugar daddy as husband and then trying to like do stuff on the side or whatever and so then everything went fine and then i see him a lot at the gym but then like right. Afterwards he'd like texts means like oh then he also told me the same thing but he hadn't told me at the time he's like. Yeah like i don't wanna like 'cause drama with my co workers and not supposed to be like dating clients. So he's like don't don't say hi to me at the gym or whatever. It was just one time thing. So but where's husband probably with some other. I don't know just kidding. I have no idea inkling you thought that was my first thought was like like this is a very fancy place was my thought so i was asked him at that point but then he just said no right he was like. It's a one bedroom. Yeah you didn't lie lie. I'm so confused. By this whole scenario because san francisco is so small so small and especially when you go to the same jim. Why would you even pull that shit. Because he just gets away with all the time. I mean it's probably dislike. You're thinking in the now wayne's world live in the now like. I don't think there's a long-term planning there. You know all right. So here's a kind funny story from tonight so so literally. Literally news breaking. I'm trying to make plans with and you know when you're texting people like if it's early on like the dating thing like for a second date dates whatever people flake people go son. You right so like if you're trying to like go out tonight like who really just like invites one personnel right. So i have two people that are trying to like meet with me tonight right tonight. Ten fifteen monday so so one of them may plans. High tops is a sports bar in the castro. Great place not that far from here so we have plans to go there right. The other guy. I just like vaguely like saying let's hang out again well blah and then he texted me. He's like hey where you at right. Now i'm over at high tops. And i'm thinking like doing their like go to different places. Because i got to figure out who i want to hang out with tonight. Have both of them at the same place. I didn't even mention that. Break up together for a potential Yeah that'd be home monday right. Phthalate be held on monday at pm. So how do you how. What's your dating strategy. Then are you a numbers kinda guy. Data's many people as possible. And you may be one stick or do you just have a lot of gym memberships. And everybody's looking for the right person in between them. You know not everybody's korean to panga according to panga even still together so it's like not everybody an awful rendition of it's called girl meets world and it's terrible on sat and for not everybody's you know with their i love and so i'm you know doing all that in between stuff until i eventually find the person that's right for. What are you looking for. Are you looking for marriage. Probably abs absolutely marriage may be abs- you just want to be on an app called abs. What do you think say answer answer. He's getting a phone call allen's getting a phone call this is this is breaking house again. Pretty good just wrapping up the podcast right now. Did you still want to meet up tonight. yeah for sure. let's get drinks. Let's meet over at high tops. Also you there at eleven all right. Should we call the other guy then and like i. I'm trying to set up a monday. You know what i'm talking on. My monday nights are harder than like. I party hardware on a monday. Then a freshman issued does on spring break. Are you an tonight. you're gonna have sex tonight. I am so fucking jealous time. Do you think you'll have sex. It's ten nineteen right now. Do you think you'd be having sized by eleven thirty. I'm meeting eleven so that's probably right on the other one calling the other one more time.

00:10:01 - 00:15:04

I'm going to set that same time. Should we stagger it that way. It can be like. Yeah this is three. Am big pick up. He'll call back. It's amazing that you guys actually calling tide. Hey how's it going. Hey i'm just wrapping up with my podcast right now. You still want to meet up today. Yeah is a great spot. Let's meet there honest about eleven forty five cats okay there at eleven. We need a part of the so we got. We got to two at eleven. You're meaning both of them at eleven same place. Same time well. What are you gonna are. You gonna swing this. The first one. The first one sounded hotter. I'm not gonna lie the second feet aright. What's your game plan will one of. Them's the second day one of them's a first date. Both of them both of them are like in hotels. Oh from out of town. So i'll probably just go with. Who's ever at the nicer hotel. Right oh they don't live here so this is definitely a for a hookup. Well how are you. Swing the seeing both of eleven at the same place. How are you going to jump back and forth. Probably what i'll do is look at their. And i'll say like oh my gosh my friends here and then go talk to the other one. See how it goes. And then we'll see what happens if you don't think they'll realise drinking involve a lotta lotta shenanigans. Going can go on drinking involved. I've never been at high top before. Is it like a really busy place where people are standing everywhere and people get lost in the crowd. I mean it's a monday. I don't know it all depends. It will be three people in the entire place. Got it when you say this is a second date with one of them define date for me we grab some drinks and then it was actually like afternoon someone to pizza afterwards and then we both had like other plans that day so we like headed off. What's the hierarchy avs or hotel room. Oh this is a good question. I think i think definitely apps first but like it has to be like a name brand hotel in the city to like. I'm not getting on bar like screw that. What am i home with brand ads someplace that i can lubar to like an a reasonable price at a reasonable timeframe. Are the intention set on these dates. Yeah i'm like a big fan of i don't know if anybody's like coined this term but i like alternate on my dates right so it's like let's see every other day like your date. It's like this is like the one. This is the person that. I've been like. Try so hard with like. We're going to like keep it politically correct. We're gonna go to the nice dinner or whatever it is. You're going to try to take over the top of them. Maybe take them to a concert. Ever and then they have a thousand other options to they. Don't call you back so then you alternate this next one is going to be like you know somebody that i find attractive like cohen. We're going to make sure thing. So you got alternate. What's tonight this is the hookup. Thank to really good options hooking up. Yeah they're out of town. What one of them's in idaho. So what what is your dating life right now. What is it like. Because i feel like you. You are like you're definitely a busy dater social. Yeah thanks why i feel like you. you're so people have a lot of definitions together. Their facebook official. Whatever it is and then in between that you have like the people you're talking to and then you have your other people that you're just meeting and stuff so so usually have one or two people that i'm like talking to. That's like in the background. Like maybe i'm out of town there at a town like we're out of sync with each other and then like immu tween meet other people. What are some of the challenges that you're facing when it comes sedating. I feel like there's a lot of challenges when it comes dating. I feel like when you're single. You feel like geez like to find the right person. I need to be like super in shape and like really successful in my career and educated from like a top school but have a huge group of friends but then also when hang out with this person be able to have it. Just be us but if we wanted to hang out with a lot of people are like some one person told me that.

00:15:04 - 00:20:02

Like in san francisco though. Like 'cause you're from here it's more interesting to meet somebody that's like from europe or from another place so i just feel like there's like probably like twenty things you could hone in on on like you know things things spire to and you're you're dating trying to find somebody so But i feel like at the end of the day. It's just about like who you can make a connection with you like so many times when people are dating. It's over the top things like a trip to half moon bay or trip to napa or vegas or like a concert or like. There is huge party that they know about. But i feel like the real connection is like if you could just be at a coffee shop with somebody for like two hours hanging out having fun or like riding an uber with somebody like laughing. You know you found the right person when there was like no activity no plans like you just have fun. Like take an uber across the city with them. What are some takeaways. let's go takeaways. I i think one of my takeaways is just being the moment we've talked about this. On previous episodes live in the now. I think dates kit. All dates can be phenomenal. If you just are present and stop thinking about the potential future the next morning. Just do whatever you want like. Just be happy. Don't deprive yourself of that sort of now nece happiness. I think that a lot of one of my takeaways for today is that you know even though people might be gay straight or anything between that. There's still so many things that we identify in at least in san francisco culture like this author so much of that to happen in to connect to all of it question of the day. Yes so we do have a question of the day but alan used to go to meet his dates. Plora the question of the day yeah. Let's answer the question of the day. This one comes from stacey she says how do you guys feel about double booking. Sometimes i feel like it's more efficient to have a day after another you know. So then you don't linger and overstay your welcome. How do you guys feel about double booking huge fan. Double booking is essential. Because what happens a dating. Is you realize so much that first of all sometimes you yourself like you think that. Somebody's gray because you're talking to them back and forth then you like dive deeper into their facebook photos new then maybe yourself one flake and like you get sick or like so many times. You know you you set up a date you like schedule your whole night around it like you cancel plans with your friends or whatever else. He had going on like friday night. You like you blocked away this time for this day all week long. You've told people oh sorry. I can't friday night and then. How devastating is it when friday afternoon. That person says that they're sick or something came up and they tried to reschedule saturday. So at least if you double book then you get to be the person that that cancels but also knowing that you're like we've talked about this. That flaking is reality. Dating the odds are you don't have to feel that bad about it because if a lot of times if you double book one of those two people will either try to reschedule for various reasons or one of the two people were finally the rescheduling double booking i feel like is essential. See okay i i understand that. From a data point of view how that is really efficient but from the person who is being double booked on. I feel bad for the first person because i wouldn't. I would hate to be the person who's who's like going on a date with someone knowing or not even knowing but they're going on a date with someone else right after me because i feel like very attention is going to be spread out so i would just hate for that to happen to me. You just gotta really plan out your transitions. You know like you just gotta say oh and meeting with some girlfriends later. It's like you just be okay with lying. White lies are going in that situation. So if you double booking it's all about how you sell it. And then the first they will. Maybe think that it's wonderful. Even though the may never see you again wrap this guys. Don't forget to submit your stories. I remember you can always remain anonymous. We can change the names of all the parties involved and last but not. Least thank you allan for being here and san francisco stay dateable. You're no her. My ony but scooping places faster than anything no need to wait around for a bus and their way more incognito than a carpool for your late night rendezvous. Speaking of showing partners scoot is a network of electric shared scooters all one way rides their commitment free plus they all come with phone chargers. Because scoot knows you're running. Low from all those texan snaps. Sign up for just ten dollars a coat hot date or go to scoot dot com slash date able to connect with us visit date. Able podcast dot com.