Season 10 Episode 9: Love is Blind Part 1

00:00:00 - 00:05:17

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating. There's been so much talk around a show on net flicks for the last few months and it's called. Love is blind and Julie. I think you're the one that turned me onto the show at first. But it's quite an interesting dating experiment ally. God Yes and I'm not actually a reality. Tv Per said which is yours apprising. You're like the Bachelor nation type of the two of us. Yeah and you always laugh at me whenever I talk about the bachelor exactly but I was so into this and I don't remember either friend that you've got to watch it and I just couldn't stop watching for anyone. I think most people are pretty aware of the show by now. But if you haven't seen it yet. Basically the concept is that it takes a bunch of singles Took place in Atlanta Georgia. And they were all in what they call pods where they basically couldn't see the people that they were dating and it was all through phone calls which is kind of ironic now all in our own pods at our homes in quarantine at the moment. So there's been like memes out there that Netflix was basically like predicting the future of dating with Corona virus. Will the crazy thing about that? Show is user strangers and they're living in a house and they're talking to people of the opposite sex through these pods without ever seeing them but then a bunch of them end up getting engaged by the end and falling in love. So they're trying to prove this point. That love is blind to at and that you fall in love with the person the personality and not so much the physicality so because of the show and talk about funny timing all happened before cove in nineteen hit and so we thought of this idea of repurposing this show for own experiment where we would set up one guy with three girls where he would get to talk to all three of them every night for thirty minutes each person for three nights in a row and we did not make him propose. That was a big caveat. I think we'd a couple different roles on the show had for a couple of reasons. One basically at the end of the three calls he just had to ask one on a date. Like we weren't GONNA BE KIM. Propose marriage the other thing difference wise. We did not reveal names and race in any capacity. I don't think they actually revealed race on. Love is blind but a few people commented because of people's names like what their race was so it gave away some of that and then age also another piece that we did not want to put that into the equation because in love is blind. People Probably Remember Jessica and Mark That Cup fall and she was really hung up on the fact that he was like twenty. Four or something Age into the mix and we did not WANNA put race into the mix at all. Yeah and we chose someone who was so gung Ho about this. I'm down I want my name. I'm going to tell the my age or anything about me down to meet three women that I've never met before all over the phone and his name is Ryan and he was such a good sport. He did this entire experiment for us. And we're still at a cliffhanger moment because he's chosen the woman that he wants to go on a date with but right now for this episode will reveal the impressions of each other. That women have him and he had the women. Yeah before I get into just kind of that reveal. I think it's funny to call out just like the amount of people that wanted to participate at this was Z. Like we put up on instagram. Just asking for people that were interested in the amount of emails we got was like off the chain. So we're definitely going to be doing more of these the future for sure. Yes Oh for anyone interested. You can just reach out to us. We already have a whole list going but it doesn't mean that you won't get on the list. Just keep this as like a rolling experiment. Yeah and one other plug. If you WANNA stay connected potentially get on. Other experiments is we. Have this really awesome. Facebook group that just started. It's called love in the time of Corona. We told you about it last week. We got a bunch of people requesting to join which is Great. But I don't know about you but I've just been so excited about just the activity in the group unless people really giving each other like a sense of community during this time like hosts about dating apps not being as active as they've heard and people just like really replied pacwest some interesting insights and just also like giving people ideas of things to do to stay sane during this time.

00:05:17 - 00:10:02

Yeah I just love the positivity of the group. It's not so much about a place to common bitch happening right now. It's more just coming together and sharing ideas. We had one member who commented that she's tie-dying her shirts this weekend. I'm like that's a fantastic idea. It's it's lovely. It's just like it's definitely just restarted. My creative juices wildly and I love to the people are like inviting each other to like virtual happy hour. Isn't one guys like let's do this truth or drink event like if? I buy the game like our people down and like so many people were all about it and by the way I had no idea that was a game. He was just going to start a game called truth or drink. I like that as brilliant. I am so totally down so out of it. So people need to get on the facebook group if your dot there yet is freaking awesome. And I'm so excited it's keeping me sane during this time for sure in speaking of keeping saying before we get to this episode. I do WANNA say huge. Thanks to our sponsor empower who is also helping others save up and get through this financial crisis. Time empowers an APP where you can use auto save so basically you just establish a weekly savings target and empower while steady your income and spending in automatically know when to move the right amount of money into your savings account so that you don't have to think about money being taken away from you. It's more likely money's just growing in your savings accounts like magic. Yeah we talked about it last week to. I think right now where. A lot of us aren't spending a lot of money. I mean we're spending it on food but we're not spending it on the every day. So especially with like the looming economic recession like it is a great time to start taking that money and put it into savings. So where can people find in power so they can go to the APP store or the play store and just download the APP? It's spelled E. M. p. o. w. e. r. over six hundred and fifty thousand other people probably more by now have downloaded it and for our listeners. Only Yuga five dollars deposited into your account. When you use the offer code dateable just go to empower dot meets Slash D. A. T. e. a. b. l. e. for more details awesome. Shall we meet Ron? Let's do it okay. So I'm GonNa give you a little bit. Deeds on who Ryan is. Ryan is an African American male in his early forties originally from Texas. It has been in the bay area for two years. We're only giving physical traits in this episode for the purposes of this social experiment. Let's hear from Ryan Ryan what's up. Hey how are you living? We are just dying to know everything. You've now had three calls with three different girls and three days. Yes that's right. Let's go down the line first impressions after the first call. Let's start with Rachel first impression first impression so I kind of like one word to summarize each girl. Okay really didn't change from day to day three and with Rachel. I thought she was exciting. Oh why is that? We actually talked about this. She has a little abrasive way about her combative and we were kind of going back and forth a lot. Is that a good thing. I think is high Beta right. It could be a great thing or could be a really bad thing. It just depends how things play out there but I think we had a really great time talking to each other stuff to you. That was a good bank. Well it surfer really good experience in this experiment. So what was exciting about her specific So she someone who will kind of make something a little dramatic for facts and kind of take you down on Roy conversation. It could be taken the wrong way though right. It's kind of like throw this out there and see what happens. Let's example Took you out my notes here. Rachel took no kids. Were taking him out at some point. Get student you gotTA keep track You know everything was kind of back to back to back to. You know you want to keep everything together so at a certain point. She accused me. It's probably a little bit overstatement. My part of being very calculated and kind of putting up a friend Which I thought was really interesting. Feedback but I could see how someone else might take that the wrong way. And so I kind of worked for me because like I'm open to receiving that so that was exciting to you though I just found it back and forth exciting There's always like another little mini and it's Kinda. I play that game a little bit too. Not Quite as actively as she does these days but I used to be really nice to be like that a lot younger so did you tell her your impressions of her. Yeah no I shared that she take it. She was taken aback a little bit but I think she was open to receiving it.

00:10:02 - 00:15:05

She said that allowed for France told her that. Maybe you these things she looks like if you were to have to describe her Rachel like so. There's a few data points that I was able to pick up data warms. You know what I what I might think about them and For example I know Rachel's. Us friend is very close to a US boyfriend and given the fact that she over emphasized her European travel and didn't mention any agent travel. I have to think she's eighty. I think the last thing as long as she described her social way of being Is One where she's kind of like she doesn't really follow the rules. The way she described it. I've just kind of pattern match that with certain I guess groups so yeah my best guess is that she's an Asiago. Wait so you said that. You think she's Asian. She has traveled mostly the European countries now. She emphasize that our conversation. So what made you think that that made her? Potentially Asia is just way it came off. You know seemed a little forced like she didn't WanNa like do you want a stimulus direction. Oh Okay and how do you think? He is? Best Guesses early thirties. I would say twenty to thirty three range. So let's say thirty one. Okay so Rachel. Early Thirties Asia woman. Okay throughout the calls. I know you mentioned that. Some of them. Your impressions relatively stayed the same. Was there any differences or did it just build on each call the impression that you had your. I mean I think things evolved a little bit I can see Rachel it into more of a comfort zone as our mutual abrasiveness kind of subsided to understanding mutual abrasive. I mean seriously I mean on the best way possible and it's you know it's kind of one of those things where I'm joking. You know you're joking me you know. It's it's not like I'm mad at you you're mad at me take this as a matter of nuance here. Sometimes maybe my language is good enough to bring up that new member when we first talked about what you're looking for. It was important for you to have someone that you could communicate with and have differing opinions and have that lake not fighting but arguments that you understand each other I guess. Did you feel like that with her? Or did you feel like it was more funding heads? No I definitely got that. You know we didn't out like we butted heads at all and I felt like we really had a good time like breaking things open and save. What about this plane? And what about that? You know it was. It was a good back and forth. It was fun Interesting Ryan of Rachel that he basically thought she was exciting and combative. In a three way. I don't think I've heard that before out of a good way. But I've never heard of those to us together to describe one person. But who is Rachel? Rachel's Caucasian women thirty eight years old. She's been in the Bay area for twenty seven years and as originally from Salt Lake City. She single and taking somewhat of dating sabbatical except for this experiment. Of course. Here's what Rachel Thought of Ryan? I believe we have Rachel on the line. Rachel Hi oh well wait you gotta dish girl lower some of your first impressions of Ryan from that. I call He was very polite. I was prepared for like the prompts as you guys said. He was have proms. I didn't hear any prompts so I felt like I was in charge and like I had to get this conversation going. He had already had two other calls. I was like oh I better like energy. Ask all the questions do all the things and then at one point I was like I have to stop talking like stop. Let there be awkward. Silence there needs to be awkward silence and let him talk you know. So how did this progress them throughout the rest of the calls was at the same or did it change No I think changing the Times was super helpful which also I had that idea after getting off the phone as well so I was glad that the Times got to be switched. The end of the second call got like a more interesting. The second call I would say it was the best call In my perception at the end of the second call said something about me which I thought was like super interesting. I was like we need to like get back to that. What he say he said. Oh like you must be some kind of leg baby. Ceo or like maybe executive or like on your he's like. I don't know how old you are but you must be like on your way to being some kind of executive like why how interesting and I was like. What makes you think that he's like? Oh I don't know just the way that you go about things in the way that you speak. You're like I should use the word. Combative was like Badda.

00:15:05 - 00:20:00

That's interesting it's like. No that's not the right word and then on the on the call I was like. Let's get to that so you're like. I'm not combative but let's talk about why I'm combat. Well I thought it was so interesting and I think I know what he was getting up. I think what the whole thing May So curious about is because I have dated men guys I have no range of what other women date life so I only know how I act rate and I only know like the women that I surround myself with and Like in the third call us like no like you're not afraid to challenge people and you're not afraid to be challenged and I was like yeah like what are other people. Wait so all of this you find this conversation offensive or were you okay with it like what was the end outcome of it. No I'm not good at small like I can do. Small talk because Because my job and because I feel like I have to do it so frequently like I'm not that interested in small talk like I want to like get to it like Yahoo. Let's talk about your impressions. Let's talk by my impressions of you like like. Let's talk about your trauma like what's going on in your life you know like I'm not interested in like Oh air travel than like us. I mean it's interesting to a point right. It's like not who you are as a person. So did you guys get deep like was it a good convert I still? I guess I was still trying to understand whether the I think there were interesting. Is the way that I would describe it because you don't have that physical connection if there is one and because you're kind of on this phone call where it's kind of like a little bit like. I do a monologue than you do. A monologue and then say thing N. You say a thing you know. There's a there's a little bit harder to have those kind of fun or funny or like joking conversations where you might talk over what each other you know what I mean so I would just say that it was interesting. So do you think that's a matter of a phone or just your chemistry though right? I think it's definitely a mix of both. So he said that impression on me and I said he's. I will now that I said to you go and I was like okay. Great Love it breaks herself. Sounds I was like you just seem like a little? Not Formal is it. You're very aware of how you're presenting You break through like a little bit in these moments. You're not doing a presentation at work. You know what I mean. So guarded up. Yes yes yes. That's that's the way that came across which could be true or untrue. You know like I have no idea. And I'm not judging anybody for how they present themselves like you know so the guard come down by the third conversation. I'm GONNA say no. There were times during each conversation where he would like breakthrough like. He told me this one story about his brother. Like that was like very entertaining. Like where's where's more like VAT person so now you have three conversations with them. What do you think he looks like? This is hard to be honest. I really didn't fully think about it. He said that he does some boxing. So I thought that was interesting. I don't think he's like super like ripped muscle guy and I don't think he's like Linke Guinea Guy. I think he's actually fairly athletic looking. I would say average ISH. I don't know Kelly. Oh interesting mid to late. Thirties of guys joked about having a family soon. Ish guessing that his tone of voice I would say maybe thirty s somewhere in that range. What about ethnicity do any thoughts there? I'm GONNA get that. He's not fully white. I would say he's like a mix of something or not white by to want to think that I don't know maybe his voice some of the things he said he talked about the air force. He talked about kind of ease caused. Emma South I don't know I guess just the places he lived in and maybe the atmosphere in which he grew up together. I don't know it's really hard to say so that you guys have like any points of connection that you felt like this is someone. I WANNA meet He did do the boxing thing and I like doing we tie. So that was. He also did mention that. He did Marie Tie. So I thought that was fun He likes to travel. It seems like he likes travelling a lot. I also liked traveling He likes California. Yeah I mean I like yeah. That's like a laundry list of like things that you're checking off. You basically just named somebody's tinder profile. Like I tell you. I just want to caveat all of this with like horses my own perception of it. I could be totally wrong. Things could be like off base. I don't like I was attempting at some level of. Let's get into it and again I felt like it was very presentational. He could probably get there at some point right.

00:20:00 - 00:25:00

Because I saw breakthrough. But I'm over here just like Oh yeah. Let's really good feedback for him with that. Said would you WanNa meet him in person? I think I would only be curious about what he like. Just for the mystery of it is but like in terms of a match. I would say that we are probably not a match which doesn't say anything about him. It doesn't say anything about any. I just think the two of us together probably not necessarily compatible fair enough and you lasts work Rachel. It was all super interesting number one and like halfway through like when he did. Make that comment about me. I was like Oh right. There's somebody perceiving me against super interesting being able to get that feedback from a person is like very rare. Like that's why I love what you guys do like sometimes on a podcast when you date reviews like I am going to be so curious again. All about rewrite. Ah how I came across is going to be super interesting like I'm very curious. Yeah that's a great part of this whole experiment. Is that you. Kinda get that feedback. Then no one will ever give you. Yeah that should be like a thing though. There should be like at the end of a date. Lake some way to give honest feedback to the person or like a an anonymously online survey or something like not going to Black Mirror Lake ratings. But it's so interesting because then you can compare that as to the way that either you think you're coming across or the way that you want to come across in this experiment takes looks completely out of that equation to even more fascinating. I'm very curious to see what happens. Yeah it may not be the end yet. Always leaving that door open. We'll takes again Rachel. It was so great to talk to you and catch up about what's been going on a couple of days. Thanks ladies thanks Rachel by wow. She also described him as combative Julianne. This is a match made in heaven. Or what I it's not bash or if it's a terrible explosion waiting to happen to you the sense that she's kind of like I'm in this for a social experiment. But he's like I see her as a challenge. You know what I think. At this point anything is possible. So it's GonNa be interesting to see what he says about the other girls and what they say about him. And that's why the next woman we want to introduce you to is lacy. Here are grinds impressions of her. What about Lacey? The next one racy word I have when I think about racy is fun fun. We had a great time. We came up with a little nickname for her lacy strange as a doctor. Strange doctor strange's the little that little time capsule he can make time speed up right so she was like talking to her and make time speed up. Oh really oh okay because when Wanna be called you a stream okay. Now hearing the way you explained it not without that so you guys you felt like the conversation felt more effortless than like went by fast with her. Yeah Yeah Yeah we would be talking about one thing another. We had a really fun stuff in common. For example like You know we love some sense. Sports we've had similar experiences with ways of thinking about social time. You know night live for being outdoors. Or what have you? Your impressions of are changed by the third conversation. I don't think they really changed. I think that the third conversation. So she's the only person that was first second and third conversation and I think that the third conversation was extra late that night you cancel and I was tired and I think and she was out shopping in the country ended flat change as much as it was just like our third conversation. Just didn't end as well as or with the same energy to I two had you know. I can see how lacy is a little bit more when she acted what do you think she looks like if you were to have to describe racy My best guess. She's younger okay. Don't use them Rizal. She's a marina grow. That's Maria girl. Own Works slipped out. She's rather tall. Can you describe for anyone that's dotted? Sf listener what a Burrito girl. That's girl because I think anyone that's what I understand but we got a lot of listeners. Outside San Francisco. I think the Marina Stein is one. That's young fun. I can't say that I really experienced it on the little little older. When I'm up there from the discourse I hear about the marina it's young fun and it's kind of like fatty for anybody who doesn't know. What a Marina Bro. Or MARINA GIRL IS. Kinda like frat rope but I'm curious of she's a Burrito girl girl health that's her own self Description those sort of designations don't mean a lot to me got it. Don't think like.

00:25:00 - 00:30:02

Oh my gosh loans from reading this. I just think like I'm GonNa sit down with a personal get to know them on our we relate and that'll be what it is. What makes you think she's tall because she said so? And then what do you think her ethnicity is best? Guess I'd probably say Caucasian Yeah Caucasian. Girl is twenty six twenty six. Okay very specific will. She asked me how I came to twenty six. I decided well sounds like you didn't just out of college but you don't sound like you're thirty yet. Oh you guys weren't such a talk about AIDS no no. We didn't talk about age we start. Yes we talked about impressed. Okay Fares on so. Why do you think she doesn't sound like she's thirty yet? She's living a really active lifestyle. She sounds like she could be totally knocked off her feet right and be in a relationship but I didn't get the feeling. We actually talked about this she. I don't think that's her preference. She wants to be out there and having fun and I think that is certain point for most women most people really you know men or women just a certain time when they're like I'm a little I really want something more and I don't think she's at that place interesting because I think which we talked to her. She said she was open to a relationship. But also I can also feel that fundus coming through so I see what you're saying. Do you feel like her age. In the heard energy felt compatible for you where you are at the stage of life you know so I was talking to a buddy of mine About a year ago. He said something really on points. You know out women. Don't get as that. All men are always ready for Mrs Right. But in the meantime what women don't understand is that Mrs Right always starts as Miss Right now and so I think it's just a matter of For me like notice. If it's my person would be my person I mean. Typically that's going to start off with something you know really fun and exciting if the person does have it all together it'll bloom and blossom into that special thing right k. So Lazy Strains Jerry deering leaders if there's contacts next to it in just stand alone you're like what I don't is not into. You definitely felt that way. So it'll be interesting to hear her perception of it. Yeah well. He thinks she's really fun. So let's see if she thought he was equally as fun but who is lacy. She's a Caucasian woman. Who's twenty seven years old currently living in the marina here in San Francisco originally from Florida she single and actively going on dates as well as hooking up and having fun this is Lacey Lacey. Tell us will resume your first impressions of Ryan After that. First phone call. It's hard to tell after talking with us for like thirty minutes in such a unique situation. But you seem very friendly very down to earth very good at communicating right. You've even talk to you. Which is really huge. But I yeah so it was a good first impression for Awesome in that. How do things like progress throughout the three times that you talks I think it just got a little more comfortable one more like light hearted and we're joking with each other and just having a good time so you know just a little more of a friendship built over the course of the calls. How would you describe Ryan if you had to use a couple of words friendly's intelligent and I would say over mind? What do you think he looks like? That's so hard for some reason. I feel like he's tall which I have no idea why but probably somewhat athletics. We did talk about like active things that we did in sports and whatnot interest some reason. I picture him. Having like light brown hair and once again I have no idea why this do you think is either a white or possibly half Asian. Oh have Asia Christner humaid. Yeah I don't know why. What were the comments. Do remember thinking said something about like being German Japanese and then kind of backtracked if he would lay shouldn't have said that or he was saying that. Throw me off so interesting. How do you think he is I would say like a twenty US maybe thirty five at you know trying to verbalize like why I think all these things are so weird ever do about before. Why do I think just a we seem to be on the scene wavelength as far as like the amount of time that we've been dating where we are in you know what we're looking worth so if you might be around the interesting was there anything about any of your conversations that really stood out to you. Good or bad it could be either so there was looking like badly glaringly. Bad busted out by any means I think one thing that was good was just that like we seem to feel so comfortable by the last conversation. I was literally talking to him.

00:30:02 - 00:35:07

Whi while walking through a grocery store in Tahoe. My friends getting stuff in a weekend. So how do you think he compares to people you normally date just from the conversations definitely a little different than my normal type but that being said my type hasn't worked out for me so far? Switzer normal type my tight by typically daily athletes their personal trainer in African American. And he doesn't sound like that type. No vote was it. That may not sound like that. It's like his his hobbies me likes to spend his time and what he likes to do and you know he likes to like Cohn into spare time inches. I just didn't get from sides once again. It could be wrong. Did you think there was chemistry between the two of you through these phone calls? Let's pause for a little bit so we can think are amazing sponsor better help. We're all going through some unprecedented times right now and I can't be more grateful for having better help. My side better help offers online therapy with credible professionals who I trust in a safe and private environment whether depression relationships trauma where you just want someone to help you talk things out. This is a place to find that kind of support. That helped offers three thousand. Us licensed professionals across all fifty states. And they make it easier than ever to find health in an affordable way. They even offer financial assistance. If needed now for Dave Blazers only you get ten percent off your first month with the code. Dateable get started today by going to better help dot com slash dateable simply felt depression-era to assess your needs and get matched with a suitable counselor again. That's better health dot com slash dateable and use the Code D. A. T. A. B. L. E. for ten percent off your first month. Stay healthy and safe. Everyone now back to the show. Did you think there was chemistry between the two of us through these phone calls? It's hard to say. There is chemistry because in my opinion. Something something that you find when you're with that person looks physically. There is some sort of a connection or compatibility in the sense that you know we could hold a conversation pretty easily non and get along and would you wanna meet him in real life. Okay open to it. Yeah open to it because you see him as someone that you could open. Because it's an experiment. Curious I mean fell in funny because I was talking about this with my friends even before. This podcast came up about successful relationships. So there people that you meet that you kind of like the love at first sight or you instantly fall in love with them or whatever right but those into working out in my experience the ones that do enough working out are the ones that kind of build over time as like friendships in the relationship evolves and grows in that way you my point of sharing that is i. Don't have that feeling of like. Oh my God Goo Gaga over Ryan but I do feel that I could enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him more which meeting him in person the next step to that. How do you think he would describe you after these calls? I hate evaluating myself to do that in this question. So I'll see how. How do this probably lighthearted? I'm a goofy. I'm joking with everybody all the time. So I think that came across our conversations. Someone who's like activity likes to do things on a nickname assigned to you. Yeah Lacey strange. Because our calls like I'd be we'd be like oh times up. Wow how you make time go so fast. It's like are you like doctor. Strange from the avengers wartime or something from somehow turned into him climbing lacy strange Huddleston. Feel about the Dick Today. Buddy buddy okay. Sounds like you. You guys had some sort of connection and it was easy to talk to each other. I don't get a sense of too much excitement in your voice. No I'm definitely excited. I think 'cause he kinda asked me this question to what he's like you know. Like how important is this to you or whatever but my thing is like you can't take anything too seriously nowadays. I don't WanNa get too invested in something that's like open ended and so many unknowns by I'm definitely es open minded and willing to explore it more. But it's not something that you know. I'm going to and Beth a lot of emotion into early on got. It wouldn't be devastated if it didn't work out but you're open to see work us. Yeah exactly and I do. I do like Ryan. You know what I've gotten to know so far right but I once again you know. I'M NOT GONNA be devastated this right. So how'd a scale of one to Ted? How excited are you have? I would say I like I would go for GIN excited.

00:35:08 - 00:40:07

Sweet baby so much lacey. And we're super excited to see what happens with all this. Yeah I'm excited June. Thank you guys for a definitely unique opportunities unique. Indeed Okay Leeson strange. We'll chat soon. Thank you okay okay. So lisi thought. The conversation went pretty smoothly. She felt like it was pretty comfortable. Also words I would describe my may cover on the surface. It sounded like she enjoy the time. Yeah it'll be interesting to see if she really did or she's just trying to kind of protect her feelings a little. I can't fully read it. But don't forget we still have a third. Her name is Taylor and here Ryan's impressions of her and then we have Taylor first impression. I would say that she has it all together. I know she is someone who is philosophically. Sound who has had a lot of really interesting experiences. It has really processed them like added that all to herself. And do you. Is that a type that you're attracted to? I think that's attractive to just about everybody I don't know who wouldn't appreciate that in an a significant other. So what was it about your conversation with her? That made you have this impression. You know we go into some really like philosophical conversations. We look at my notes. Real quick here. We talked about some of our psychedelic experiences. Which are kind of things that can bring people together? I'm having that experience because it's not that common. We talked a lot about things like our exes ounce experiences there. It's really really long relationships. You guys went a little deeper. Yeah perhaps perhaps you know I think You know we both have had relationships where we dated someone who was super jealous formed our experience. I mean like we were talking about the stuff that that you think about when you reflect on your life and Taylor what do you think she looks like. Taylor Taylor Swift. Does she give you your whole name? No but I you know she Chose Taylor after Taylor swift and giving her fascination with with Taylor swift and Foods the other blonde bombshells singer spears. Britain gets given her fascinations like tennis within Britain Cheeser Caucasian or White Girl K. Best guests picket. She's probably thirty six. Okay okay why is that just a relationship history? It's bast enough to be old. She could be older. She could be younger. But that's my best. Guess that's give or take three years later side. And what do you think she looks like hair color? Have no idea about that. But I do get the feeling that she's very attractive. Otherwise that just some of the stories. She told me about exes things like that. You know You get the feeling. She's probably very attractive. Girl while talk about deep conversations such a different impression than the other women. I know for sure it's so fascinating. How Much C. Three have varied so so different. It seems like they took their conversation to a whole new level which. I'm not sure how he was able to do in three days with like thirty minutes. Each time but Taylor must have gotten something out of him war. Taylor's just someone who has deep conversations with people that's true like sometimes it could just be your personality. Yeah so we gotta meet Taylor. She's a thirty six year old. Asian woman originally from San Jose. She's lived in San Francisco for nine years. She is currently looking for marriage and kids in her future and she just got out of a relationship about two months ago in so ready to date. Here's Taylor's impressions of Ryan Taylor Swift with Eddie. Were willing to do this. Blind date experiment. That's nice of you you know. I just thought it'd be a really interesting at graphic experience and he doesn't celebrity. That's okay you. Kinda like her no way. Is I like the best compliment? You've got it all day. Which Song should I sing? Shake it off. Obviously I don't know bad blood. Hold Taylor had like two more albums. So Taylor you spoke with Ryan three different night for thirty minutes each time just about what were your first impressions of him. After that I call so it's this whole experience is really interesting because it's so the is like the pendulum has swung from looking at an APP.

00:40:07 - 00:45:01

Or you see exactly what they look like. You know their credentials their age in you. Can you create your own narrative of what this person's like so? I had to be really open because I didn't know what he looked like or any of his history and listened to him was his town and see if I could get along with him and it was a really nice experience because he was just so he sounded so warm in open and really kind. All did your impression change throughout the three phone calls. You know when I started to get more information about him. He must've I learned. He is from a military family and he was in the airforce. I started saying like. Oh maybe he's someone who's more disciplined you know because that's kind of my experience with people from the military. I know that they're really good with boundaries and disciplined so just like a little bit more information added to his whole picture. Is she of a typical guy that you would date normally or is he kind of different probably not because I've never dated anyone from taxes or was it the military. What other qualities about him did you really either like or didn't like so much. We talk so much about spirituality and spirituality is my jam so I loved that he did the Wim Hof Meditation Method for a year straight which is also speaks to. I think it was like Oh. He's really disciplined guy to do kind of meditation for year. So I think we can act on that level anything else. Did you connect on? I think it was mainly that and also that he was. He has a pretty open person. I felt like he was an open book. And that sort of the same with me even asked me answer. It felt like that was true. What are some words you use to describe him ritual and thoughtful? Sounds like he reads a bit and he takes things into consideration. I don't need takes things at face value. And he's funny. He's like a he. Sounds like a find funny guy and I could see why he chose him to be on the path. Oh what other conversations did you guys have when you were talking? We talked about past relationships. A little bit How we overcame some of the difficulties of rake up the lessons. We've learned in how we can bring that forward to find the best person for us in the future and by having those conversations did that make you feel closer to him or did you not like having those conversations totally I I think our conversations you don't usually have on a first date but to me. This is all information to get to know another person so I love being. We'll talk about that. And it seemed like he was open and he likes learning about that too. So what do you think are his impressions of you? How would he describe? You probably like a hippie northern California girl. A why's that because when you're over the phone and they can't see you and the conversation is being driven in towards one direction. And then there's just a lot of questions especially when it comes to such an open question about spirituality which go into so many different realms a little nooks and crannies. I think he at one point. He's like yeah. I can tell you from California so I think that definitely showed Taylor. What do you think he looks like now? I think he is black and I think he has clean cut. I think that because I know he was airforce. Sir My guesses and maybe like five. Why do you think that he's African American? I actually wasn't sure if I heard this correctly but I think at one point and maybe I'll be able to ask them. I think on the first phone date. He has said Kay Rico which is like how rich which is like a Latin worse. Oh maybe he's maybe he's Latin and I was like I'm not sure if he says that you just heard it. I think it's not a common phrase that people say but I thought he said that he talked about being Catholic and I know a lot in a lot of Latin folks are Catholics. I thought he was maybe Latin when he talked about the military and his family then I was like Oh maybe and then being in Texas. I don't know I I wasn't sure so I don't know for sure but then I went from Latin to maybe lack African American. And how old do you think he is? I feel like everyone is younger than me. So I'm thirty six but I felt like maybe he was in his early thirty. What made you think that he has? He's young and vibrant and he's not were jaded yet so got like a younger spirit so I guess would you WanNa meet him in person yet? Totally I mean. I love this experiment because helps me get to know myself better as well and I just want to know if all assumptions that you make like if they turned out correct would you wanna meet him to lake because you see him as someone you could date though or is it more just for the experiment. So it's both it's sort of like how I think. Bashar contestants go into the bachelor these days which is like Yes sir looking for love in a real connection but then also they are maybe have I think for the Bachelor Contestants.

00:45:01 - 00:50:02

They have some like. Adc over maybe their career in for me. It was definitely two parts. It was like yes. I'm working a hundred percent looking for someone had a real connection with and I'm looking for the whole nine yards but I also am interested to see like how open I can be an extremely this and see how I react. He seems like a great guy from the three phone calls. I would Totally loved to meet him in person so on a scale one to ten ten being extremely excited. How excited are you to meet him in person? It'd be probably seven okay. That's pretty good. Why do you think not a ten? Maybe at this juncture in my life right now. I don't have a ten for any. Maybe it was for Taylor. Swift reserved only for Terry. We've got seven pretty good especially in light of everything that's going on right now Wanting to meet in person. I think I'll take that. Thanks Taylor taking time out of your really busy tour schedule to do this. Experiment FOR DATA. Wall really honorable of you. I'm so glad you can see my light all right. We'll chat soon Taylor. Wow okay sounds like tailored definitely felt like things went pretty deep. Do So. I'm going to guess there was an absolute connection between these two. But let's hear from Ryan One last time for some of his closing thoughts. We're going to wait to hear who you pick. But is there anyone that you wouldn't pick? Gosh you know I have had a sleep on this a lot. So it's funny becoming really focused now. I have been discerning that you know I usually allowed the girl to pick more by hitting a certain way and just realizing that people who are my people will be will resonate with me right back kind of worse off out instead of being more deliberate in my actually initiation much as I liked all of them. I don't know that I would want to go down that path. They feel like really good friends of mine. I don't know if I'd want like stir those debt pot. I feel like I know them all very well in different ways. Yeah so you said when we talk just briefly that you've had deeper conversations with these people than you have with online dates. Yes can you go in a little more about how this is different than your typical dating APP experiences? I think so much about these things about how people show up. As as I've gotten more mature I've tried to be consistent retire. Show up you know. Noise tried to put my best forward Independent of whether I meet them in real time or online or introduced by a friend or GONNA podcast experiment. Contestants are friends of yours and I think that they were putting their best foot forward. I think the third you know just put her best before just because in perhaps it's those sorts of things informing it because it's an experiment. Thought they all showed up a certain way and I get the feeling that you know. People get so frustrated by so many bad experiences online at when they actually have somebody. Who's ready to meet them? Oftentimes they don't show up or they don't show up well you know It's obviously that impacts all of us as we're going through online dating. I think that this experiment one in which it there was strong encouragement for everyone to show up well. I think that we'd all have a lot better experience. We always just focused on. You know what I have no control over the other person immaculate that you know mark me up or down form how I'm going to show up. I'm going to just do the best I can. Because that's all I can control and that's all I can go back and with myself in a mirror and be happy. You're not about myself. You know what I mean. I think we all have a lot. Barrick's experience with that was our focus. So if we were to since this to a street I love how you call them. Contestants competing it's words about gauging chemistry of without seeing them in person yet and Kuti's thank obviously you don't know your decision yet but of the three women. Who Do you think wants to meet you? The most that's that'd be really presumptions of any of them even care Who will be most excited to meet you? Maybe Rachel Yeah. I think she'd WanNa like you know. Give me you're talking to in real life overture or two. Let's see where it goes. But that's you know that's just throwing a dart really. I think that Taylor and we can sit and talk hours about so many to smooth the sun is it's hard to say Lacey.

00:50:02 - 00:55:03

I would like to say she likes. Meet me by sting. She might be too busy for me. Oh interesting all right mark said like I said I'm really throwing darts. I have no idea all very interesting. Well thank you so much Ryan for participating in this and were excited to hear you pick and see if there's a date okay. All right this was fascinating. Got what else to say like. It's so crazy. How impressions were formed so quickly off of really small things. I think that's like my biggest takeaway from this whole thing because some of the assumptions that were made I just so interesting. It's always interesting to see the different perspectives and also like they knew they were going to be on a podcast right so I think they were listening to each other more intently. Yeah they can give a better impression and talk about it on the show. That was something I definitely took away from. All of them though is that it actually really forced them to continue a connection and I think so often with dating APPs. Is You meet once and you have a okay mediocre experience and then it's not worth pursuing. We're having this experiment. Made You keep pursuing it. No matter what it'll be interesting to see like how that actually impacts who ends up going on the date. I think what we can all learn from. This experiment is what active listening yells like. It felt like all of them were so present with each other and they learn so much about each other in a short amount of time and sometimes in real life when we go. I mean this isn't real life out there. In the wild we go on dates. It can be three or four days and you have learned anything about the other person because you didn't listen. You know what it is. I think like for me to during Corona virus right. Now I've been spending so much time talking on the phone and I think I actually even prefer it to video because it really focuses you in on what someone saying because there is no additional things to be looking at to be doing like it's really just using one-sentence right which is your yes so with that said. I think we should both reveal who you think Brian. It's GonNa pick our tax eleven. Should give our own thanks. I have a very strong opinion. I really think it's GonNa be Taylor. If felt like the way he described her was so different. Felt like they had a connection. It felt like he wanted to talk to her even more. I really think that he's super curious about what she's like in real life in person so I I think he's GonNa pick tailor. Yeah you know what like I actually? Kinda think that too however I'm also not one hundred percent sure because I think there is something that he finds really like fun about Lacey but he also the Rachel could be a wild card to both. There's something that he finds intriguing about her for sure. Like she's like the mysterious one of this. I agree with you. It sounds like the best connection was definitely Taylor in Brian. I'm wondering if his curiosity because sometimes we learned so much about someone. You don't have as much curiosity of someone that you don't know much about so it'll be interesting to see how this actually plays out. Yeah and also I mean I'M NOT GONNA change my mind on this. I do think I do see where you're coming from us while I think it depends on what he's looking for. Yeah not first date. If he's looking for deeper connection conversation than he would take pick Taylor if he's looking for fun and flirty pay. Pick Lacey and he's looking for the ultimate challenge is a throwdown. Rachel you know what I mean. I actually secretly hope it's racial because I would love to be on that date because I feel like her going into like she's would do I think she's except not necessarily because she felt a connection but because she's so curious also yes. Yes okay. Well we're curious to see to hear what you all think. Who Do you think Ryan will pick Willoughby Rachel lacy or Taylor follow us on Instagram at dateable podcast? And we'll take a poll. Let us know. Yeah we're going to do it in our facebook group too so make sure to joy in love in the time with coronal so way in way in and of course you gotta tune into next week's episode of Love is blind part to where Ryan will give as big reveal of who he picked to go on a date with and then what actually happened on that date. Oh my God yes okay. We're good wrap this up. Stay little dateable. Podcast is part of the FROLIC PODCAST NETWORK. Five more podcast. You'll love at frolic dot media slash podcast. Want to continue the conversation. I follow us on Instagram. Facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcasts.

00:55:03 - 00:55:40

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