Season 10 Episode 16: Relationship. Are you sure you want one?

00:00:00 - 00:05:11

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show. All about modern dating will always try to do a countdown when we can for Korn team but I still have not been able to count the days. I said to someone the other day. Happy Friday and it was like a Wednesday and whatever it's fine it's all good. It's all good. It's all good. What have you been up to? Did you go outside yesterday yet? A really good day just in the park and I hung out with one of our friends. I actually was kind of a fail but I really have been wanting to get back into more creative passions. I bought this whole paint said and it came with canvases and brushes and everything in our friends. She met me. She's also until a creative pursuits. So I carried legal water bucket and the paint set and I was on packaging the paint set and it was a great has always canvases and everything and then it was did not include paint. I did not realize that what I was like. Why everything but paint? It was kind of an epic I went back to my house. Luckily it wasn't too far. Dropped the paint set off and then we went to a park and did not paint. No good at least you tried. At least you have everything but exactly nine about you. We went to Stern Grove and had a picnic and these high school kids had a fake graduation. They all came their gowns and I think it was one of their parents that was handing out a look like beer. I don't know what he was saying instead of diplomas. Oh my some sort of drink and at the end. They all cracked open. Whatever that was and then guzzled it down. It was hilarious but I was like. Is that beer or is that legal. I'm not really sure well. After the park we did walk around and we went to one of these new like open bar areas One of the restaurants says to go cocktail so that was Kinda fun you know. It's been a while since I paid fifteen dollars for cocktail so supporting local businesses. You drink it outside of that place walks with it what you can walk with. Yeah they give you. A to go cup. What DOES VEGAS NOW? We can walk on the street with alcohol. This is the only silver lining that has come core team. Everyone's just getting drunk in public well. There's a Lotta Silver linings. I think it's great now that I've learned to make cocktails at home. I've been doing all kinds of Margaritas. Nice dice which I'm really into. Yeah and I mean I think like this whole episode has been so interesting that we're going to go into today. 'cause I was editing it yesterday and UA does this. I don't know how much I've shared with. All of the listeners. Did PRESS BE A instagram? Live awhile back. She put me on the spot a little but I was like. You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I please shared this but I've been kind of throughout quarantine have been working through a relationship of mine. It's been fascinating because one of the things that we've seen is this theme of Resurrection of the axe right. Like a return of the axe and this actually kind of started before quarantine cy Wednesday at one hundred percent quarantine related but this was a significant acts of mine probably the most significant relationship of mine and we broke up four years ago. So it's been a while and we've stayed friends throughout this time. And when I say friends probably not really friends like we've tried to see if we can make things work and then also hooking up and all that has been consistent but it's been throughout for years and we use this time in quarantine to really go into just that happened in our relationship. That wasn't able to move us forward because this was someone that. I love very deeply in. I also know that he felt the same way why the quarantine was good. Is it really let us both be super open and communicative about everything? That's been going on for the last like five years. I think we both have hit the point that were either doing this or were not. We've been in limbo state before and we're both like we can't keep doing this and I think what we did was we use the time Without physical connection there was a little virtual sex mixed in. I won't go if you listen to. Last week's episode actually didn't talk about that but yes definitely listed to the virtual sex episode last week no two weeks ago two weeks ago yes such a good one.

00:05:11 - 00:10:05

I've listened to it like maybe three times by now honing in your virtual sex skills exactly actus but yeah. We eventually kind of hit the point like. Let's just meet up in quarantine together for a bit. Because I mean if you're in theory talking about like marriage and like being with this person for life like we can't survive a little timing quarantine like that's a sign and I think what this whole situation there some just personal development that he's been going through and it affected our relationship so I think what we're trying to see is like things will be different this time like I think for me. It's like I'm hesitant to walk into the same situation again right. It's like with any resurrection of the acts. Like you don't want to just die back in and then have all the same problems surface again taking that time to really hash it out in then seeing if we could put it into action was really great and being able to be together even for a short period that we were during quarantine it did bring to surface really great things about our relationship and then the problems again right so it wasn't a way to see if all the talk because I think communication is essential in the fact that we were able to openly communicate so much said so much but the fact that it didn't turn to action is also problematic. It can't just be communication communication. Yeah proof is in the pudding exactly and I think ultimately as you a knows like we basically decided like that a non not changed so it's one of those things that obviously I wish it was different and that wasn't the outcome but at the end of the day we like our past guest Mark Manson said. Love is not enough always right so for me. I'm happy because I feel like one of the challenges when I was first. Moore I dating was that I had trouble stating my needs over this. Podcast I've definitely learned how to articulate myself a lot better and what my needs are also not be afraid to express them because at the end of the day this is your life. This is who you're going to be with and if you can't have your needs met it's just going to be a ton of resentment so yeah. I think that was a moment that I was a little proud of at least but I was that so I'm proud of you and I totally understand. The situation is not like what you thought about in middle school. I remember in middle school just thinking if I like boy. He likes me back. That's not works right. You just have to like each other and as you get older you realize there's a lot more complexities to making relationship work. Which brings up the question. Do you want a relationship right? Everybody on the surface level is like yeah. I think I'm ready for relationship. I think I want one. But when you ultimately dig deep into what a relationship means do you actually want a relationship and this is what this episode is about. And what makes it even more fascinating is after. We interviewed our guests for this episode. I even had to question. Do I want a relationship? Do I even know what a relationship entails because a relationship is not just about the good things right. It's half the good and half the more challenging. I won't say bad but half the more challenge and you realize there's like in your situation they're always going to be external factors that are out of your control so it's not about forcing you of your relationship to overcome. It's about that evolution. We learn about from mark. Manson all being your relationship. And Are you willing to put in the work to do it and both people have to be willing to do it exactly and I think that's why I brought this up though is because of this episode. One of the things that we talked about too is with quarantine. I think it's made us all really question this even more right. I'm single. I live alone. I could have been like I'm thriving. I love answering to no one but myself or I think a lot of people. This has come up for them that it's like no. I'm ready. I'm like I'm ready to be with someone that's just not the that's all in with me and I think that's what came out for me is especially having my ex back in my life. Someone I love very dearly. It showed me that I really do want that person. That's in it with me in an hour and I think that's what became clear that he wasn't that person in. That's where like that. Tough decision had to be made because yeah. I think it's it's tough because it's like if you're with the wrong person it's going to hold you back to from meeting that right person. This quarantine has been very challenging for a lot of couples. Yes and I spoke to one of them yesterday. A friend of mine. He's been with his girlfriend for over a year. They seem great. Really get along. Lots of mutual interests. They live about like three or four blocks away from each other and seem they seem like a pretty solid couple and when the quarantine was about to happen and they had to like kind of make the decision whether they want to you know quarantine up with each other.

00:10:05 - 00:15:00

He said I had to take pause and think. I don't think I want to spend every day with this person. And they broke up before the quarantine interesting. It could be very pivotal for both ways. Yeah but if a quarantine didn't happen their relationship would have carried out for probably another year or so before they find this out but he said I really had to think for a moment like it's either do or die and right now I don't want to quarantine up with this person. I don't want to spend every day with this person. Okay so you're you are in a pretty serious relationship. How do you feel this has changed your views on relationships? Like where do you WanNa go with relationships? I realize that their peaks and valleys in relationships. And just because you get to a peak. It doesn't mean that there isn't a valley coming around the corner and for our relationship in the last two and a half months since we've been in quarantine has been peaked Valley Peak Valley Peak Valley. And that's what makes it so worthwhile is like when you hit that valley. You're like we can get back up Like we can still get to the peak a when you get hit the peak or like we can't rest complacent here because I bet there's another valley coming up to work through it but it only works if two people want to ride the roller coaster. Some people think you just coast through like there's no they just kind of fly through the peaks and valleys and they're kind of in the middle and then in the end it's like your heart rate right is just goes flatlined we. There's absolutely no value in that relationship anymore. So that's really what I've learned is like it's the peaks and valleys that. Make the relationship worthwhile. But they can't be too extreme. That's key I think that's a is like they can't be like mountains to climb down right. That's when it becomes problematic. I think there's some natural flux that's going to happen and that's what I think you're referring to. Yeah never push that rock up the hill. You're just fighting a losing battle and also let's think about this not in a vacuum you could say. I don't want a relationship but that's who you are today and that's what you want today. Yes who knows in a few weeks or months or years? If your feelings change or you have different preferences I want everyone to get out of the mindset of things are so definitive. I don't want kids. I don't want marriage I don't want a relationship or I do. I do I do or I don't I don't I don't you can't guess what your future self will want. Can always voice what you currently want in this present state but also give yourself room and that openness to evolve a maybe eventually you'll want different things and that's exactly a good segue to our episode today as with Brandon and Simone a couple that wrote a book called relationships. Are you sure you want one which is such a catchy name would love to hear your thoughts to you I like. What is the hypothesis in the future of relationships? Because I think back in the day it was expected that you were in a relationship right like that's what society tells you to do your like a weird leper. If you're alone and you know and I think like today's Day and age is totally differently. People are being alone a lot longer. They're choosing to be alone no longer. You like this sad pathetic person. Because you're a single like a lot of times people love the single life or are potentially even reminiscent and jealous of the single life and then also there's like high divorce rates you might become single later on. It's not necessarily a guarantee that you're in a relationship in that's forever. The old way of thinking was you're either a relationship person or you're not a relationship person or I'm good at relationships are. I'm not good at relationships and I mean I think future relationships at least where I hope it goes is that it's a lot more fluid in the sense that like everything else is becoming more fluid. I think what's going to end up happening. Is that going to be more socially acceptable to not be a relationship and because people are single longer and they may be single at different stages of our their lives that it's not like one is better than the other. We're now. There is a feeling still that it is still superior to be in a relationship or engaged or buried. There was like old ways of thinking haven't fully evolved even the we're trying to get there. Yeah that's a pretty good hypothesis for anybody who's like what's up with the hypotheses before we start the episode. We're trying something new where we both just predict. Something will happen with the topic of the episode so I guess my hypotheses would be. I think the future relationship is that everyone will realize nobody's good relationships and couples before they really consciously couple up. Well enroll themselves on relationship universities? They may be online. They may be in person. It's basically another form of couples therapy but it it'd be more like pre problems so it's not like you're trying to solve any issues is just more like here's a toolbox of how how of how to have a successful relationship and I really think that's a future. Business is a relationship university then.

00:15:00 - 00:20:10

People on dating dating sites and on their profiles were start. We'll start comparing like how many relationship academy credits they have. I'll be like Like you're on Lincoln. It is. Yeah I finished. Fifty credits You know I was onto like domestication that course or something like that. You know what though that's fascinating because people always say the one? The reasons people love our podcast is that we talk about things that you just never had any training on right like no one teaches you how to communicate not even romantic relationships with anybody. Well workers or your friends and family like it's so essential skills that there is no education for so. I hope there's something like that and I think that would make people a little more confident especially if they hadn't had that relationship history. Yeah for sure before. We get to our episode. I just WANNA say quick. Thank you to one. Who wrote a review in Apple podcast? That is really helpful. It's what helps our podcast grow. It's what helps us sell. Ourselves to potential sponsors. So it's like a trickle down effect and it helps us get better guests as well So for anyone who hasn't left a review yet if you could do us a huge favor and go and do that and apple podcasts. I mean some other reviews were so nice like they made our day to see them in. Also you don't have to leave a review. We'll also just take a rating that also helps and that takes literally one second so we appreciate everyone that. Did it like just saying that last week made a huge difference of thank you thank you thank you and anyone. That didn't like you a last plug really appreciate it if you just don't mind hitting that Rating Button and then the other announcement that we had. We had such a good time last week that we did a happy hour. Virtual happy hour with our new facebook Group A secret facebook group love in the time of Corona by the dateable. Podcast and it was amazing. I had such a good time. It was so great to meet. All of you is like I think it's one of those things you just kinda talking to the universe. Sometimes we don't really know who's listening. We've made a lot of the listeners that are local but we haven't met all of the people all over the world. We have people in the FACEBOOK GROUP. So it's been amazing. I love love love just the conversations in the facebook group. So you're not in it yet. Definitely join a. It's facebook.com/group/podcastbeyond podcast to make it even easier or you can search love in the time of Corona and we're gonNA keep doing these virtual happy hours because people just had a great time and really enjoyed the people they met in. I don't know about you. I just feel like the people are so genuine and it makes me so happy. We've such amazing listeners. That are truly dateable right. I think like also the energy between men and women. It's just like it's amazing. Like the positivity and support like one of our fears of starting this group was is it gonNA turn into like a meat market or is it gonNA turn into like a Bitch. Session is not any of those has been phenomenal. Yeah in a new dating term came out of that. You weren't in that room Julie. But zander came up with the term Zuhdi call. It's a call over zoom zoom someone after one P at one. Am me they'll do it. I love it I love it. And then our last announcement is that we mentioned a partner a couple of weeks ago called frontline foods. It's a charity that we're partnering with and Really Great. Cause your donation supports restaurants in the food that they are making supports the people on the front lines so frontline foods dot org great. 'cause if you're looking to get behind 'cause we're really excited about this one though show and last but not least. I like to thank our sponsor for this episode best fiends. You've all heard me talk about this mobile game. That's basically helped me survive through this period of social distancing it kept popping up on the list of best mobile games to play during this time. And I guarantee you it really is. It's a game that's free to download basically takes you through a series of challenging puzzles. That are fun but also engages your brain. I like that as a casual game that you can play during any amount of downtime. You have. It's great because there. Are these really cute bug characters in the game and they really take your mind off. Whatever stresses you have during the day I'm alone level. Gosh one hundred and two now every time I know talking along. I'm chugging along so engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of cute characters. Trust me with over one hundred million downloads. Five Star rated mobile puzzle. Game is a must play download free on the apple APP store or Google play. That's fiends friends with the our best fiends. Now let's get to this episode. So this is what we've been hearing for the singles out there who are self quarantine alone. A lot of them. Wish they were in a relationship for the people who are in relationships some of them have expressed maybe they wish they were single and has some alone time so during this time of cove in nineteen.

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It's actually the perfect time to figure out if you actually want to be in a relationship and what that relationship looks like. And that's exactly what our guest today will be talking about. So we have some Melissa's Brendon Watt. They're the CO authors of the best selling book relationship. Are you sure you want one fetters? This is such a great title. There's there's absolutely no sugar coating here. There's none of that. Lovey dovey bullshit just practical tips and tools and was inspired by their own relationship that they built together so they are two of the lead facilitators of access consciousness personal development company in over one hundred seventy three countries and they had relationships done which is a series of workshops online and across the world which invite people to create a true effort relationship. Not just with others but also with themselves and individually simone is originally from the Sunshine coast of Australia currently lives in Sydney. She's fifty years old and currently single and having fun. Brendan also from the Sunshine. Coast of Australia currently living in Houston Texas a little different than Australia. He's in his late thirties. Dating someone but hasn't defined the relationship. So here's a really interesting part. Both of us were together in a relationship. When you were writing the book and upon releasing the Bug you decide to end your eight year relationship however the The same tools that used to create a great relationship. You also used it to uncreative it. So let's just get to that I with your own story. Tell us a little bit about your relationship and how you two met. Well we actually met an access consciousness. Class Brennan came along to a class in. He came along and I thought he was cute. Didn't really pay much more attention training. it's getting bombarded by as girls knows you know At one point Gary Douglas. The founder is consciousness. Said she may. I wanted to actually have sex with this other guy and he said Jimmy. Why do you want to have sex with this guy? And I was like. Because he's up on. Came up with all these raisins anyway. He's an asshole anyway. You WanNa have sex with him. You always look for these guys were complete and utter astles instead. You know what you should have sex or someone like brandon. What Brennan. How much did you pay this guy? Speaking of that a in Simone at this point were you when you first met Brendan. Were you looking to be in a relationship? Where was your mind at Not Really I have. I've had a huge set of resistance relationship for a really long time. My point of view was always like I didn't see a good one. So why would I create one? But that's also using other people's relationships as a reference point to what I could create so I was really good at going. Well you know what I'll hook up with these blue. All goodbye wasn't looking for relationship. In in fact I had pretty much committed to myself to never be in a long term relationship. I just didn't I didn't I didn't feel like I needed one. I've always been a K. On my mind but I do like sex so I was like okay. So how do I work this out? Actually a few of my friends used to call me wonder relationship portray months and be like. I'm done in away so Brennan two longest long-term relationship that I've had really good at doing short ones interesting. Then Brendan what was like your story like. What was your relationship history at this point? What were you looking for? And what? We're impressions of Simone relationship. History at that point was trainwreck. Train wreck nine rick. I was in a long term relationship with them. My son's mother about twelve years like I got into relationship when I got into that relationship with when I was nineteen. She had two kids already. Six years later my son was born so it was like ever since I was very young. It was like it was relationship relationship relationship. I was out of that relationship and then met some six months later and it was like looking back on it now. I realize that relationship may one of those things. Where if you didn't have one though something wrong with you need a relationship if you don't have a relationship then too long in the corner or something but it was like you're a leper have your laptop. That was it was so different. I mean we bugged been in relationships. That didn't work before and it was like and then we met each other and we both like each other and we actually locked each other and I will if I was still waiting for. The train wreck Tacoma waiting for the abuse to come and it just wasn't there we both of open. We've always said that caring for each. It was just. It was really different from from the start going to. Brennan myself to. It took us a while to even admit to each other that we were actually in a relationship.

00:25:03 - 00:30:01

He's his mother. Actually stop does run. Dane said okay. I'm confused. I need some help. We'll she goes. I see the two of you together and if I'm going to ask relationship. I want one like Youtube. The way you guys are together is awesome but you say it's not a relationship so what the hell is it and that's when we both ran. Oh maybe we should start looking at that. We are in relationship is like can I you? We were actually living together. At the time I was GONNA say the secret to a great relationship is not being in relationship. Okay so you guys were living together. Can you walk us through? Because I know you guys were together for eight years like you kind of started to tell us a little bit about your story how it got off the ground. You're living together at this point. You're not really in a relationship. How did you go from being in a relationship all the way to uncoupling the way that we started living together was? I just started staying at someone's house occasionally and then I was like what did I site one that was he said to me. One day you said you honey. I need somewhere to put my colleagues and Iran Tim Moving Yeah I think so. That's how we moved in. Say a whole eight years together. That was very much like that too. Like even when the apartment or a townhouse that I was living in I think you guys will conduct and then Brennan they make you know what I think. Needs to look for a bigger house. Because he had a child and a dog and Mike Place wasn't big enough for the dog and the child and I looked at him and I went. Oh okay I said so. Are you gonNA move out in any went? No you went to get up and go. Oh okay we can do that. And so we did a big house so it was always very much like it was based on not having to be necessary and get a whole years to get. It wasn't a necessity it was a choice and I think that's a really important aspect to get when you are in relationship because as soon as you make this. I am now in a relationship. It serious it's significant. It means something it has to exist tomorrow. And that's when you start to destroy it and What we did was and as you mentioned before is we created it was created all the time and we did let we bought a real estate together with investments together. We created together. We did all of this and there was a block of land that we put on the beach here in Virginia Beach. Beautiful Block of land. People would go. Ooh Dream Brook of land and we met with architects and we created this trade story house. That was GONNA be amazing. You know it's the perfect cast perfect relationship so the thing and looking back on that the moment that we brought that block of land is when we stop creating our relationship in maintaining the perfection of. I guess this reality says it is a good relationship and we stopped creating it for the last year I would say is that I think we were smart enough to say I mean Brennan's the one relationship off and I definitely did that. My God shock thing but then I looked at it. I WENT. Hang on a second. I'm not actually shocked. He was just the brave one that tries to break the relationship up because we voiced still candidate each other so it wasn't the easiest uncoupling and yet it wasn't difficult we were like it was at one stage. We took a bottle of wine outside and went. Okay let's do this. Let's like be willing to go and have willed wool trade. Let's talk about everything that's up and we drank a bottle of wine and we chatted and it was probably some the best conversations that we've had 'cause we were just willing to be vulnerable with each other and say what was up working etc and I think that's so important to have that in a relationship even when you Breaking the relationship up and you break the relationship. Not The papal is one thing. I've really got to make sure people get to. It's not you. It's a relationship. So here's the burning question because we have a lot of listeners have never had any relationship or experience or haven't had extensive relationship experience so how would they even know if a relationship is right for them and how they even know how to navigate one? Let's pause for a little bit so we can think are amazing sponsor better help. We're all going through some unprecedented times right now. And I can't be more grateful for having better helped by my side. Better offers online therapy with credible professionals who I trust in a safe in private environment whether it's depression relationships trauma or you just want someone to help you talk things out. This is the place to find back kind of support offers three thousand. Us license professionals across all fifty states and they make it easier than ever to find help in an affordable way. The even offer financial systems if needed now for dateable listeners. Only you get ten percent off your first month with a code dateable get started today by going to better help dot com slash dateable simply fill out the questionnaire to assess your needs and get matched with a suitable councellor again.

00:30:01 - 00:35:00

That's better health dot com slash dateable and use the Code Dat AB L. E. for ten percent off your first month. Stay healthy and stay safe. Everyone now back to the show. So here's a burning question because we have a lot of listeners have never had any relationship or experience or haven't had extensive relationship experience so how would they even know if it relationship is right for them and how they even know how to navigate? One I would say if you haven't been in a relationship that's definitely not a bad thing. Some of the people that are greatest in things live so the ones who haven't really done it about before you know they don't really have much to prove but one of the things with getting into relationship is really having a great one with yourself then you can get into a and you know you're not looking for somebody to to fulfill the needs that you can't give yourself in a you're not looking for somebody to fill up the gaps in your lock. You looking for somebody who can add loss so the first thing would be. I would be looking okay. So where do I need somebody else to fulfil things in my life that I'm not fulfilling myself if you've got yourself you've got a much better chance at creating an amazing relationship but also the other thing is really getting honest with yourself on what you want in a relationship as we we kind of meet? Someone just got omega. Then that don't want today. There's no question in that. So then we go into this relationship memory on. Why is it not working? Why do I not like any of this stuff? What were you oxygen Really being honest with yourself and clear about it and the thing with Simone and on we into relationship as well. It wasn't this while need. Have this much money and they need to do this Joel. It wasn't a list of things like that. The both of us what we were oxygen pool with somebody who cared about us. Somebody was actually had outback. Somebody who added that energy at law that makes you life Grado. So here's my burning question so if you guys had that right why make the decision to end it? Like what was kind of deciding factor? That like this isn't something we can keep creating in. It's better off to ended up this point. One break up the relationship like I want to know the same thing. That's been my burning question kidding. No kidding it's what we got to a point where it just. It didn't have that excitement for the future of it anymore. And it's like and even the way that we broke the relationship it's like I was treading around things. And if I had my time again I would done a lot different throughout my life. What I've done to in order to get out of something. Kinda just open the back door and run so I look at it now and guy while I actually wasn't my condis moments but I think both of us we knew that that was we got into that sense like Simone instead with that house where it started getting normal and for both of us we were so different that if we have any normal in so both like This doesn't work. We don't like normal. We like being different. And Can I. I mean yes. Be Brennan on the hot spot there and we did well. We were actually having the other day in saying we wouldn't be creating what we all now lives right now right today if we hadn't break up the relationship and what I would like people to get to is if your credit relationship it be great for a week a month a year ten years fifty years but so many people put this timespan on it. They say all that good a great relationship that being married for forty two years. What makes fully to us? Great could be great and right now. I'm having so much fun and I know. Brandon is two and the creative capacity in the like I love living in his house on my own is well it so many things that had shown up that we would not have allowed to show up in a life if we were still together so instead of if you're in a relationship and ask a kate is this working for me today and it doesn't mean you have to walk out the door that that day but look and go? Is there something that you would like to change and we still with friends and we liked each other in yet ago said there wasn't that enthusiasm when we met up with each other after a week or two pot because we travel a lot and you used to? You'd be like Oh my God you know what I'm saying Brennan and it'd be these huge amount of treatment and it got to a maintenance and if your relationship is getting maintenance than I would look at Ken. Can I create something different? Hit like would I like to turn it into we say creation ship instead of relationship? All have done what we will make to do together. And that's a really big question because I see so. Many people break relationship up in created to be trauma drama instead of. Just what if you double of Champagne and said hey? Can we chat? Have we done? What will remain to do together? Is it time for us to move on like this? Is Your Life it. Sorry much possibilities available. So what if you didn't stick to just one thing and what if you allow of all the possibilities that are available in the universe? That's why I look at it.

00:35:00 - 00:40:04

Let's dive into that. Let's really dive into that because I love to talk about this topic. I've heard from three separate people so I'm going to push their stories together into one to protect their identities. But here's send that kind of scenario I've been hearing is I've been married for ten years. We have three kids together. We were college sweethearts or whatever. It may be and best friends but being quarantined together. We've noticed that we really don't know each other and all we ever talk about our kids and now we're having this focus time to talk relationship and I just don't know if it's actually working out so is it time to call it quits or should. I just keep on going for the sake of we've been together for ten years along. Javadi of the relationship and for our kids. What would you say to someone? In this scenario I would say it's just a choice and I would say you actually do not like you say. I don't know what it is but if you're even going to that pay so I'm not sure what to do. You actually do know what you'd like to do and you're not choosing it and it's like this two pots. I would say you either already know that you've left the relationship. I mean the amount of people that we've done in our classes and said Hey. When did you leave relationship in? Wow before I even got married look at the energy of that and then you can choose based on that all go okay so we seem to have grown apart. We don't even know each other. It's a do we actually want to put some some effort in here and get to know each other but I don't guy that Middle Royd just maintain it's like I mean my point of view. It's like like I said before this is a lot. It's like the much available. So do you WanNa just maintain something or do you want what choice do you WanNa make? Which fried do you want to out? Dodig? Because I was Gonna ask you like from because I feel like there's another perspective of that relationships are for the long haul. And when you commit you commit and there can be like EBBS. It flows from a relationship. There might be some really tough times. There might be some great times like even know for my parents marriage. I feel like after the kids left. They like have a way better relationship than they did when we were around. So I guess the other side of it. I love to hear your thoughts. How would you kind of balance? What you've been saying of like this. Is your life these your choices versus. I'M GONNA commit to this and I'm going to make it work. Well I think it's the place obe the commitment and I'm going to make it work but one of the things we do in relationship with that is we we go out of question and we go okay so no matter what. I'm going to make this work and it's like if you you trying to start a car without an engine. It's not going to work so there's a difference between like making it work but also asking. Do I actually decide to one. And is that something we can change with it but also with what's going on right now like the world is really changed with all of us. Big Economy's changed the workforce's change all of these things have Family life has changed. And it's going to get changing. What if we were starting not starting new everyday from that place? We don't have everything that we've credit together but giving up on what your relationship was yesterday in creating something greater tonight right. You always moving forward and for a lot of us. I shouldn't about Egos definitely for me. If I stop in my law it become an comes that becomes at maintenance energy. I don't have any fun and it's the same thing we do in relationships we got all will now. We're in. Let's just actually pay the bills. Make sure the kids are happy. And within twelve months got. I'm I'm a little bit bold. Maybe that's the key it's like if two people are willing to work at it or not in. It does need to be perfect overnight. But it's like need to be in it in working towards something. Can I add to that like I always went? How can I look at one other person say I want to be with you in time? I don't even know where I WANNA be in fifties time so that neither is right or wrong but what I say is this reality has rejected so much that you make have kids. You'll meet to get married actually meant to get married first and then have kids live happily ever after in. You know death do your pot so they can get the rookie chess. What I would live is for people to have the freedom to know that he's not the only choice. Yes as a choice and yet there are other choices available for me. I don't actually safety and I'm not ruling it out but I do not say that I would be in a relationship now entering into one that would loss for the rest of my life. I just that doesn't seem something that I am choosing but I'm not cutting out. I don't want to make an aide. The roll like this no choice. Universe at everything is available and I really would like people to get any choosing single or you choose a relationship for one year. It's not wrong because that is being started projected at paypal that it's wrong not to create something that he's long-term what if nothing was right and nothing was wrong and you have choice every single day. That's the frame I would like people to have is other such big parliament recognizing that you have choice.

00:40:04 - 00:45:07

I remember when I first came along to one of my to one of the access classes that I did and Gary Douglas the founder of access. He said everything. That's showing up in your life. Right now is based on every choice you've ever made and it gave me so much freedom to go. Oh my God I've chosen this long like because I was doing. I was doing victim. I've got no money because I had this childhood because I've got this because and when he said that I realized wow I've created my life the choices that night I can just make some new choices and it's a sign with the relationship like if you if you'll single and have been single you know us or whatever you actually realize that you've been choosing that then you can go okay so I've been choosing this the victim. To what else would I choose now? And just from that point of view alone recognize that you are the creator of your whole law even meetings bad and you can change them a lot easier right. It's going to be tomorrow. I might change my mind. Thank you different. Man might come running down into white holy and be like yes while stayaway away six feet away. Okay let's take baby steps here because this all sounds great in theory but I'm putting on the hat of a single listener saying I want to believe that but it's really hard for me to believe that I chose this life when right now. I'm feeling lonely. I I want to be in relationship. I wish I had a partner. I've tried to be relationships with others before. Quarantine none of those came to fruition. How can they change my mindset and I can't just flip the switch and say I chose is life. It doesn't work like that. So what are the baby steps at people can take mentally to get there so one of the things I would say. Brennan briefly mentioned this before is free honest with you. So do you have a list? You've created and throw away the frigging list like way on that one. You've decided what it has to look like if you if you decide. That relationship has to look for certain white. You've you've just eliminated are much. I'm eleven years older than Brandon. He had a huge man of debt. Massive amounts of debt which. I didn't know about it. Had A child. He had a dog which the dog was really cool. Because I always wanted to have a dog bit me something up actually I was. I remember at one night. I said I know if I can do this. I didn't ask for child and he said to me are sitting on the bed. Crying anyway read. It looked rainy. Went Well we could change. Outlook could leave out and he said but said accommodate five year old was I. I know you do and so I had to look at that. You know. Yeah you in debt. It's like you then you gave up your job. You're smoking your snoring. All these things like on your is you wear a catch list. The list that most people have wouldn't have these things on like I managed famous. I talk to that. Go all he has to have money or he has to have a good job. Why what if you just ask someone who was as we said before carrying the kid about you who didn't judge you and if you're listening to this and you're going on now? I don't have a list. You know what no one can make you chain me except for you. So even if you're listening to this in the next twenty four forty eight hours you grab your phone or pace do old school piece of paper. Pen and start writing down anything that comes into your head or you say that you have created is loose and then destroy it. If I didn't have this lists than what would I be asking? I mean to me you know asking someone who shows up that doesn't judge may or my body and he cares about me. Hello I've got money. I created money. It's in Amanda have money. It's like at a lot of the things that we decide. We want interrelationship It's like we we say people in an image of what we've decided that should be. Also I mean I remember when we had friends years ago that used to say I wish you had a brother Brendan. I'd love to find a guy like you and I was like. Oh honey no you would. She was into long walks on the beach holding hands and doing the full Roy. Mansi cuddly coniston interest night man. That was amazed so but but she sold me. Has this great image of what she wanted but if she would have got together with the we would've lost awake as I was in no way what she actually wanted so Alexa said like if you can really be brutally honest with yourself and destroy those lists and actually stahnke energy mostly.

00:45:07 - 00:50:01

That's going to contribute to your law. You've really opened the doors to things coming to you more. Also not you have to go look for everything. You're actually allowing people to show up in your life but if someone doesn't have relationship experience But they want to be in relationship. How can they look for or be an ideal relationship? I mean they have to create something right in there and I would say it's you'll probably in the best position because if you had no reference point for creating relationship what would it be like one of the things I always recommend to. People is what Drew Barrymore fifty first dates everyday. She wakes up she forgets. What occurred yesterday. What if you had no reference points like I look at my parents and I don't think that they had a great relationship? My mother was really made. My father is extremely kind and just got yelled at all the time. That's not a great relationship. But if I use that as a reference point been not is how I would have to create it to how many people use family as a reference point to creating a relationship and it's not true or use Hollywood you know Hollywood movies etc. It doesn't work. Spoke highlight reel but yet it's true though you see all of that stuff. That's social media. Would I would start with. Is it when you meet someone? It's like you know you know when you meet someone that you like. Oh this person's Nice Will this be fun us because their relationship is meant to be fun? It's not fun. Why are you doing it? That's a really good point because I think you also said too. It's like we have so much pressure like what we think. A relationship should look like and if you look at your relationships with your friends and like people. That aren't as much like they need to follow like one day. This happens in three months. This happens like more of a timeline. Things just naturally organically developed and I think sometimes like when we're so on how things should be. We're not like just appreciating someone in their natural element in the relationship. Yeah one of the things. Like one of the things we do in our clauses and stuff to get people to say where they actually do not. What's going to work for them? It's like if you start looking back on site dates you've been on all people say you going home and had sex with or someone like that and notice the Times that you actually knew it was a gun work but chose it anyway so that you can actually start seeing PSL. I do actually know when it's GonNa work or not going to work and when that energy is off on. I wonder if this person will be funded relationship within. It's Kinda got that heavy feeling. Hopefully NOT GONNA turn out to be much fun when it's got that lightness to it and it's like. Oh that's that excitement to it. It might be something that's going to year. We're talking about getting honest because there's a side of like what you brought up like. Why haven't I had this but then there's also like do I even want this at all which is kind of like the core of what you guys have been talking about. I love that you guys have probably the only ones to have a relationship book like how not to maybe get into a relationship but I think there's something really interesting there because we've talked about like it's just expected that you do these things. But how do you decide if this is something you truly want? Especially if you you've never had a good relationship or you haven't had a lot of relationship history know if it's something you'd want. I would stop with making a list of okay. What do I desire relationship full? Not what do I desire in the relationship? What actually desire full and then if you start going into the things of well I want somebody to need me. All if they start getting into the like I said before those things that okay where my not dating myself if you're looking for a relationship because you've you feel some part of you missing then you're always going to be looking for that. Need TO BE FULFILLED. So looking to go okay. What oh actually desire relationship. If that's to have fun to expand your lot have somebody who's joyful to around and I would say you've got a good chance of actually desiring one and it is. It is a joke at the moment where I live across the road of these two friends of mine. These two gay guys in a not very far down Another ROYD FRIEND OF MINE. Mock and the Big Joy. I remain go. I need a man. What's up I can't get these open. County days flew garage. I was like man so it's become these big jobs but it's like I'm struggling to say. Hey I need a man. Can you help me released? I didn't want to deal with this. There's just found animal week in my garage and I don't know what animals someone can come over and help me and I'm sources. I was asking for that so many times. A woman will decide that she needs a man in her life to fulfill all of these things. Rather than what if you had people in your life who could help you in contribute with certain things and you had a relationship because it was fun. Okay so I totally see that side of things but then I'm hearing people that are like well.

00:50:01 - 00:55:09

I have a life plan I have. I WANNA have kids. I WANNA have a family. I don't want just fun like that isn't my whole goal of a relationship. What would you say to them? I like the way you say that I just WanNa have fun. But in life plan their kids in that so you can't. You can't lifetime torture. Then I'M GONNA OBI FUN. Things we talk about is your point of view creates reality. So if you've got so anywhere that you've got a fixed point of view in place like relationship should lost this long or whatever that is. It's not going to be fun. It's not GONNA be easy. Just that point of view alone is GonNa create that as your reality. What if none of it was wrong having locked plan wanting to have kids wanting to do all the whatever stuff but what if you could? Oxford to be fun an easy also like what did he when we say have fun. What if he decided finance? It's like you know just being not like entering chaos or it's like what if everything was fun. What if having the kids you know was on? What if getting married was found? What if you know cooking was on? What if it all was fun? It's like how many times do you try and make lives serious significant and if you make it serious and significant then that will always control you rather than you I mean. Even now we're in quarantine like I've I'm having so much fun and so much joy in my world from what I'm creating end the possibilities that the fact that I'm actually at home because I usually travel so much that I'm getting to run outside and see the baby in the butterflies in. It's just beautiful. Note you in quarantine. You Not surprised to be having fun. I love when you run down the street and some people. Don't even look at you like Oh my God. If you look at me you're GONNA get coronavirus like wave and they're like hey you know and it's like yeah let the. Who already set up to have fun. And it's not considered something. That is the correct choice so the time like have you noticed if you say your friends any feel sad upset and you stop crying people like. Oh what's up a UI K? What's going on and if you're always joyful and always have maybe you're laughing at you just had the sense enjoy people go. Oh are they on drugs? Natural State was to be joyful and have fun. And that's not please allow the have dislike amount of sadness trauma drama and it's like. I'm sorry. I'm done with trauma drama. Let's go for joining possibilities? That's my world. I love that like fun. Doesn't have to mean not depth like it just like. Yeah I think exactly. Yeah so how does someone who is lonely right now? Still have fun okay so I was talking to some friends of mine actually on a podcast. I was doing in. We're talking about dieting. Acts in it was really interesting. Because obviously in Quarantaine is there distancing etcetera and there was one guy Ways in South Africa in South Africa is very. That's really strict at the moment in the lockdown and so he's on Grindr a gay guy and then another two friends mind on other APPS in what I've noticed is people seem to be more vulnerable with each other and what they were saying is more interested in the fact that you are my friend in La. She said she said Oh. I'm just talking to everyone. She said because under the by the time we get attitude the creams gonna come to the top. And I'M GONNA know exactly who I want to go on a date Getting to converse more. You're getting to have that engagement more and you guys. I've noticed as a level of presence people right now. That is bit like the distractions are not there. The expectations aren't there either. Which is a key piece of earlier. Like people aren't like when is the next date because we don't know when the next state is exactly so what if the time has changed and what I would say is the people who keep saying? We're going to go back back to normal. I'm sorry guys the won't change. There is no there is back to normal. We now get to create future. What would you like the future debate? And what would you like the Future Bay with relationships with sex dating Mike? What is that for you and let's go for that? I think that's a good point too because I think all this is brought up at least that life is short like we just don't know what's going to be around the corner and I mean I think we can get into some takeaways to but I think one of the parts. That's really fascinating. Is that like? I think it's brought up different things for different people. We kind of alluded to earlier like some single people for example might be having the time of their lives and being like. Maybe I don't need relationship like I'm her physically sufficient on my own. There might be other people that this is really bringing to light that. This is something that they really do want to share their life with another person and I think my biggest takeaway from this whole conversation is like there is no one right way to do things like the part that you mentioned of either like ending something when you feel like you're in maintenance versus the people that keep going and let things happen flow.

00:55:09 - 01:00:20

It's a decision in everyone's in control of their decisions and again. It's not like one way to do it or not. That's up to you to decide what your life is. And what your you get to look like? We should be shaming single people. Either like if the relationship. That's a really that's China. Look at how to put this. But it's like for all the people out there that are single or even in relationship. Has Nothing wrong with you? So what if like what? If in this looking do I truly desire relationship or what relationship like to have. What about just for a day while you looking at it. You don't go to anything wrong with you. Get Out of that place because then it's like the other thing is when we've decided wrong with is not having a relationship for example when looking where he looking for the things we want in a relationship to. Kinda hard the wrong. Is there with us so we doesn't really give us a true sense of what's true for us? They give up the wrongness even if it's per day while you're on the relationship but that is a demand after could be it's okay. I'M NOT GONNA make wrong with this and realize also it's it's a massive projection like a lot of his in with their families and stuff you know when he when he hitting married. When are you going to have kids when you like you? Give me a break on seven team address. The question you said about the being single and Bain Lonely. How many like right now. How much does the media family everyone projected you? If you ask single in your in quarantine oh you must be lonely. Prior to by that point of view is your so tool that I would love to keep everyone. If they're in that situation to is asked who does this belong to pay any pure asked that question? Who does this belong to any lightens up? It's like it's not yours. Ninety nine percent about thoughts feelings emotions on the house and yet we stopped buying them in their other people's when most Sidon than than you're willing to acknowledge picking up on everyone in your straight in your city your country etc going. I'm lonely and it's like I you like. I looked at this when I came home and the first time because I I got home just in time to do so quarantine but not have to go to these hotels that they had and the first day of sack. You and I had my suitcases because I came from Europe in the land. Wow I'm depressed and lonely you know. Wait hang on a second. I'm not only I've never done lonely nets when I went a cake. Who does this belong to and then I started to play with the energies over at NAS questions ran. Oh would I prefer it if I was in a in this house with someone a even looked at a couple of my friends who are really creative. I was like nope that would drive me crazy. All you know looked at if I wasn't a relationship note and then Iran. Okay so I'm actually good with being Heim Allied. Now what am I gonNA choose? And what am I gonNA create this again like the thing that we keep asking is that you get to choose but we really brutally honest with yourself for what it is that you asking for and if you are realizing that you'd like vein relationship then start asking for what that that is like. What would you like me alive and the other thing I just WanNa add to that with the what energy would I lock in? My Law is what if it was even if you do it for a day and then switched it up for the next day but indulge in it like actually indulge in those things that you would like to have in a relationship all day. Okay so I'd like this in a relationship and bring that energy up in front of you actually indulge in that relationship and then get. That's kind of a little bit different than that but be willing to say that with even choosing the relationship you can still make different choices. I love that. Yeah it doesn't have to be set in concrete when you start. It's like you can making different choices in creating. How how you desire to do. You think that there are just certain. People are not cut out for relationships while I think people will use that as a justification for not creating but I think for anyone if he truly are than you can create it. I mean we quit a good friend of ours. Who you know. We joke around because she she loves animals and she's got many horses in a dog etc and she loves the relationship she has with her animals just designed to Bain relationship with another person. So it's like but she's happy with her whole says in a dog in the projections. Though years ago that she got that was wrong. Rather than what if you have a great life and hang out with your horses than you dog. That's okay that's not wrong either. Like Brennan said you're not wrong but what you're choosing you get to choose. So what is it that you'd like to choose So that relates to my biggest takeaway. Is this idea of creation ship. I am so obsessed with this idea. Because it's it's a makes you empower and in control of your life and it's not just about being in a relationship with someone else but it's creating for yourself so every day when you wake up you can choose to create something that day and whether you choose to create something with someone or by yourself.

01:00:20 - 01:05:01

It doesn't matter because you're still creating and I love the idea of being in a relationship and asking your partner. What are we trying to create together? Yes because that also brings them into this relationship instead of expecting your partner to act a certain way or like you said so maintaining a relationship which which is worse. 'cause I don't have a two thousand three Toyota Camry not trying to. I'm not trying to maintain this car. Make sure that it runs forever but it's it's about. How do I keep creating this life with someone that I really feel fulfilled in and they feel fulfilled in a lot of times and I am guilty of this shoe is like you said Simone with reference points and you're seeing brandon with just like we're trying to? We're trying to have these expectations of a relationship. We retrofit everything. So what happens is like imagine? If you think a relationship should be a certain shape and you anybody you meet just keep shoving them into the shape and anything. That comes extra out of shape your note. That's their fault in. These are all their fault and this is why they don't belong relationship with me. You're never gonNA find that person because no one's GONNA fit perfectly into that shape but this idea of having clay and just molding with someone and creating shape that you've never seen before that's a beautiful relationship. Yeah and that's how it changes to from like if things aren't in a good place if you guys are willing to do that creation together that's the key versus the maintenance and that's kind of like when you see those situations where things weren't good in. Duke turnaround that's people like actively creating in relationship. That's a choice right but is whenever you talk about what you're looking for in a partner relationship only focus on the factors that you have control of you will never have control of someone else's feelings and their behaviors but you only have controlled what you can do for yourself. And that's how you can create the life that you want to create. I think the part that you guys said earlier I can personally relate to this of like what qualities are important and I think like the ultimate thing is like you want someone that is kind and has your back in his on your team and all of this and do I need someone that has a lot of money. Well if I'm able to provide for myself. That might not be something. I really need in a relationship having like person. That's on my team. I can't provide that for myself. So it's like. What is the goal of the relationship? And what you're actually seeking from it. I think that's like a huge huge revelation of do. I actually want this or not. In what do I want? If we're anybody who feel like they don't have the relationship experienced to relate to this conversation. I would say anybody who has ever been. A child has been relationship how you play on the playground. That is relationship right there. How you play with another kid and if you like playing with him you keep playing with them and the time when you stop playing with them when you don't WanNa play with them anymore. That's a relationship so we should treat relationships in the same way. Which is exactly what you said Brandon is. Where's the fun? As long as the fun is still there. Were still playing with each other creating with each other than we stay in this relationship as soon as you stop wanting to play with each other and and that fun stops then maybe it's time to get out right in you. Define THE FUN. Fund could be different things for different people. It could be having kids. It might not be having kids. I love my preconceived notions totally came through on think. You're right though a lot of people that really want kids. And that's what they're looking for in a partnership they don't view it. That's fun right like building. That family is fun. I mean. Mutual friend's house just had kids. Well for years ago. Now twins and those twins were born and they were looked at as a gift and I loved. Say Kids and it's wonderful and that's what it should be have kids. They should be gift something that you've decided that you do because you told that. That's the next step. I think the other thing that I like the last takeaway. I have is just this whole piece that I mean. We've talked about this before on other episodes too but I think so many times put successor failure if we get married or this is a long term relationship but sugar point like you guys had a great eight years together or how long the allies felt like this was a solid relationship in your relationship now has evolved. It's not you don't have a relationship anymore. Might not be like a sexual relationship. You still have a relationship is toby.

01:05:07 - 01:10:05

We don't really know. Be aggressive a business together. You are you guys talk all the time like things are always evolving and again. I feel like so many times. We have these like black and white rules of what we have to follow all. Never talk to my ex again. If you could talk to your accent you can maintain a friendship and it's getting in the way of you growing in like having fun of on your own. Then what's the problem with it right up so we're going to wrap this up but I do have one final question for both of you. Which is neither of? You are in a defined relationship right now. Is there anything that you miss about being in relationship? I think the things are different times. It's like you know off the spending that much time with somebody likes to travel together and and woke up together and also we'd be in the same country together a lot so it's like it's been interesting because we also ended the relationship and then I moved to Houston so it's just I wouldn't say son knots like missing but there's definitely been the sense of those areas Oh that was fun to do together with different things. There are some things that you can't do on your own Mr Brandon Moyle. I'm GONNA say the I really different to in. We have created a really unique friendship afterwards. When we were together at one point we went jet skiing and we came home. And I were in the Cau- I looked at Brandon Who really like you and he goes. I really like you too now. We were like you know. There's probably five or six using your relationship. But I just really liked him and knowing that he really liked me and we actually still have that in. That's one aspect of relationship that I that I like. Is that closeness and that gratitude that you can have someone else in especially now that we're not traveling away in quarantine in different cities in different countries. We ought choking you pretty much the base for him today and I'm really enjoying that end separate. There's nothing I'm missing. An I'm noticing things that I'm used to but printing these fabulous cook and things that I used to like that unlike a case a handle I instead of going missing this. I'm like how do I feel this animal? How do I create something different? Drive actually been calling human asking these recipes on certain foods that I liked. Because there's no restaurant so in cooking so I'm not going missing. I'm going. How do I have something like that? That that is just different so Yeah so my other million dollar question. It may be. You don't have an answer right now because you're taking it as it goes like do you guys see yourself getting into a relationship with other people or do you feel like single is the way you're going to maintain a life. That's a good question but it's it's like why myself and I pretty much fake for both. It's like relationship needs to be different. Like incentives I get into any place of normal relationship. I know it doesn't work for me so it's like it's not not having it all having it just having one that actually works for me is what it would have to be having where it can be different and like we've talked about like actually creating to be something fun. Yeah and I would say I am not. I didn't have a point of view of if I do I would like it. It's not necessity in every day would be choice so yeah. I'd be definitely open for options and don't need to have a relationship. I think that's exactly what you guys like are summarizing in what you preach to. It's like coming from a place of I. Don't need this but if it adds to my life then it's something I want in having not feeling you have to do something or you feel like you're not whole if you're not doing something and getting out of that mindset. Yeah I'M GONNA CHOOSE IT. I'm going to enjoy it. That's the show Reach people want to find some of your work? Where can they go to? What's a website? We can direct them to You can go to the one with the book relationship. I eat show you want one dot com and also relationships with an ass dumb different dot com and people can get the book on Amazon raid. Yeah and the book is awesome. I loved it thing. We tried to be very vulnerable with it and tell stories about cells that some people were like my God a couple of the stuff. You're talking about this book. I can't even talk to my wife it well. You know what? Let's hide anything. I love the no BS. I think honesty no sugar coating shit. Thank you so much simone. I'm brandon almost time for you to eat. Lunch is a lunchtime over there brandon.

01:10:05 - 01:11:16

You're like well into dinner. Time quoted to ten anti. We're so global right now so were so so we'll wrap this up. The data podcast is part of the FROLIC podcast network. Five more podcasts. You'll love at frolic dot media slash podcasts. Want to continue the conversation. I follow us on Instagram. Facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcast tag as an any post with a Hashtag. Stay dateable and trust as we look at all those pose then head over to our website. Dateable PODCAST DOT COM there. You'll find all the episodes as well. As articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts you can also find our premium. Why series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums also downloadable for free on spotify. Apple podcast. Google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts. Platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable.