Season 10 Episode 11: U up? Let's DFH w/ Jordana Abraham

00:00:00 - 00:05:01

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating and now modern dating has turned into online virtual dating AKA video. Who Knew We'd be in this place right? Now we've been talking about. I feel like for years. I was like what is going to be that tipping point of when videos mainstream and ironically I feel like zoom was the dating APP to figure it out an APP. That's not actually. Dating focused is now probably the most used tool for dating you. Did you hear about the Zoom Technologies? Like how all these people invested a net and then they went to the wrong zoom people invested in zoom technologies instead of zoom videos. Zoom Technologies. Salt Lake Kidding and my now. They're trying to like retracted. You're kidding oh my gosh because I have friend downloads. The ZOOM APP on her phone. She never you zoom before and she was like which one there were like ten of them. It was so hard to find the right. Yeah I don't know about you but I feel like I've been so entertained interested by our facebook group that we started the love and the time of Corona so for people that are listening. That aren't there yet. Like definitely get on it. Every day I learn something new about what's happening during this crazy time and again like we don't ever want to minimize everything that's happening but I think there's been like a nice sense of relief of community that's come from that and I think that is really where we're going with love in the time of Krona's that we need all the love we can get right now and one of the things that came up is a girl at asked us. If we'd heard about this new dating term something something is basically getting dumped via zoom. We had this whole debate in the facebook group like. Would you rather be ghosted. Or I think everyone says dumped. I've rather I much rather be dumb. Her virtual like a video called just never hear from them again. If you could go injuring corona virus end they must really not WanNa see you. That's just bad form but this term. It just irked me so much. Julie. 'cause I kept thinking like what I thought we were done with dating terms for bad behavior. But no we just keep coming out with new ones and now it's like whenever we have a new piece of technology there's going to be another term associated with bad behavior with that technology and something is one that. I never thought I would here but it's true. I mean even in the face. Booker said I've heard of people getting laid off over zoom. So kind of makes sense that they get dumped or yup broken up with over. Do you think ghosting might actually go down? Because people would be less afraid to break things off doing it through but I guess that doesn't explain why they can just send a text interesting question. I unfortunately don't think ghosting will ever go away. That's just the way people have been for for centuries. Apparently they've they've been like this even like in the eighteen. Hundreds people were ghosting so I think ghosting here to stay. I think some being. I don't think it's taking place of anything. But this time is forcing people to maybe have some of those uncomfortable conversations confrontations and maybe video halls are just an easier platform for them to deliver that message. Maybe it's kind of like goes hand in hand with like will virtual dating persist even after this. Great lockdown is lifted right. We've kind of gone back and forth and talked about that but before we go to that. If anyone has been we really want you on the podcast because we want to hear about your or if you you've been some per have you done someone over zoom out you want to hear from you is while we really want to do an episode about this? How it goes down with a feels like to be part of that conversation. How was it planned? How did it end was her static or like stat signal? That broke cup the conversation I can totally see that like I really want to have a conversation with what what what what did you say you know what I. I'm sorry you're breaking up a dog in the background readies. I can't get broken up with if I getting served papers yet papers. If I don't actually hear the words I wanna see you again. I'm not getting dumped right right. I think the other caller is our other wishlist thing if anyone has been brave enough to really niece during this time. I feel like during but quarantine.

00:05:01 - 00:10:01

It's given us a lot of time to reflect so if you have been that person that have has ghosted someone and you want to redeem yourself. There is no better come on our show. We will solve all of your problems and naked content out of it. So what do you think though you think after this is all done people will continue to do virtual video dates? I kind of feel like people are going to be extra careful when the lockdowns get lifted. I think we will all be more choosy on who we meet in person and maybe they'll be less of that kind of like dating multiple people at the same time. I think people will be have a little bit more filter when it comes to like who they decide to meet up with in real life yet. I mean it's been very interesting times. I think there's been some pros and cons that we've heard from a lot of our listeners. In people that have reached out getting the pros that you've been able to go deep right and have these like really good conversations without physical getting in the way and I mean I think another pro that people forget about as you really just have to get dressed from like the winds tore hair which really minimizes the amount of time. I don't know about you but I feel like one of the things with data that's always so challenging is the amount of time it takes kidding from getting ready to show up there to meeting like. There's like a whole ordeal that women especially go through so it makes it a lot easier when you're on the phone and you can be in your sweatpants and no one has any idea in the video. It's like do the half get ready right. You can make it work but The CON that we're hearing people are down for this virtual idea like I think a lot of people are excited about it because of all of what people have struggled with of going on data after date in. They don't actually like have any connection so the pros that we talked about but the downside is people are losing a little bit of momentum. When it's been weeks of being quarantined so I think there's going to be a surge again once we get feeling that we're GONNA start to go back into the real world again and then a curious like now when there are signs of this lifting a little if it's GonNa Start 'til like peaking at it's going to be interesting to see. How dating apps go with this because like for this episode. We talked to Jordana Abraham the founder of Bech is in ship dating APP and they actually introduce this date from home feature. And we've seen some other dating APPS. Do this too when you're on board to have these dates from home. You can alert the APP and I think absent general been seeing like a pretty big surge of users. Despite all of this happen it's sort of a misnomer to say date from home because that's online dating is you're dating from home and we were all messaging each other while being home but I think the the crux of this dating at home is that you're making connections at home and I really liked this concept simply because when you're out at a bar or restaurant there's so many other distractions and you may not be as present with the other person as you would be on a video chat or on a phone call and also with video chat. I don't know if you've noticed Julie but like I'm more aware of how much attention and giving the other person and how I am. Mines anti myself like how President I am and I. I can also sense when the other person's sort of losing interest or you may be distracted by something else so all these these very minimal movements and behaviors are amplified over video. So I do think people are able to filter out the other people much better through like hall at home virtual video dating got. The I've read that I think is a really interesting point is with dating normally right before Copeland nineteen. You would always meet at a bar in a public place because he never wanted to bring someone in but there is something really nice and intimate about showing someone. You're only see a side of you. They wouldn't know if you just met at a bar but it also has the safety of not bringing someone physically into your home well in this episode when we talked to Jordana we definitely talked about the future of dating and this is before we even knew the power of video dating during Corona Virus. I mean we had. We did not predict this at all but it will be interesting for you all to hear from her point of view where she sees the future of online dating. Yeah I think what this episode two. We were really excited. 'cause GIORDANA'S PR agency got in touch with us and we always love hearing about these new dating apps that are coming out like I think all of you guys like to hear about them too. There are so many new dating apps and this one's particularly we talk a lot about just like the social interactions. That makes it stand apart.

00:10:01 - 00:15:05

And I think what's been fascinating is that they've actually been put out some articles like after this episode of like how people are still engaging in these social mechanisms. Virtually when I was like editing this episode because what you did this in February he like right before. I think he's like started to turn. And we were talking about just like trends of like making more in real life APP experiences and then we even not that shipped was doing video. We brought up video because both of us have been saying for years that we feel like video is going to have its moment and it hasn't yet so I think it's just a little ironic right before this whole thing. We had this whole conversation about like. When is video going to be that nextwave? I know so many people who use at probably do not know that Jordan is one of the people behind the APP but ship. Is it if you haven't used the APP? It is super fascinating. I got a chance to try it at dinner a few months ago. It is an at the lead to your friends. Help you pick out potential dates allowing them to swipe on your behalf in offering up in open arena for profile discussion. So for all of you people who aren't online dating because you're in a relationship whatever it may be but you are itching to do some online dating a jarring these lockdowns. This is your chance you can use ship and to tell us a little bit more about ship. Here's Jordana I WANNA do a very long intro guest today. Because she's so damn accomplished all here but Jordana Abraham who could be called a female millennial whisper one of the interviews. You did is the CO founder of Betcha media the CO host of you podcasts as well as the founder of ship dating up as many of you already know. Batches is a digital media brand geared toward women. That's been around since two thousand eleven. They built an empire websites instagram podcasts. Store AND BOOKS. Everywhere that young females go to experience the thoughts that run through their heads but are too afraid or uncomfortable to say out loud. Exactly we need an outlet. You Up is a modern dating. Podcast with the median. Jared free that discusses the absence lows of the crazy world. We live in sounds really familiar. Honey topics eating a And there's always a new term. That's the way found whatever term for just being an asshole that the no the shouldn't eating up your friends can set you up with potential suitors ship to celebrate. Its one year anniversary. Thank you to the woman herself. Adorned Anna is thirty years old. She lives in New York. Been there for eight years. Originally from lung island curly in a monogamous relationship. I hope I covered about twenty percent of your accomplish. That pretty much sums it up in a great thing. Very flattering way. Wonderful thank you now. Let's get to the good stuff Jordana. We know so. You're currently in a monogamous relationship. I guess you've probably experienced your own share of dating apps when you were a single. So what's your own history with dating apps your I remember on thirty. I remember when hinder like the first APP and it came out and it was like this crazy thing and everyone I knew it was just like wiping like it was just like the world's most fun game. Yup Remember those days I was definitely one of them. I been. I was single for about like six to seven years before I met my boyfriend. So I was definitely on the I think that was like the peak of the excitement of the APP. Since then I feel like there's jaded nece and so funny. Excitement is turned to like the teague or like often thinking of dating after like a chore like so. Then you have to figure out or after navigate so it's fun with ships to be able to get back kind of like the fun excited feeling about them which I think like was there for like maybe the first five minutes away I I feel like when dating apps first came out. It's almost like when I don't know if you remember this story Danna. I'm dating myself win. Emails I came out. And you just wait for for that ring to sound you to like you've got mail. I don't know if you'll you're getting emails thing like Oh my God another one and now have thirty thousand. Tinder first came out. Because I remember being on match dot com where you would send emails and they would Li literally go to die. You think they'd be messaging all these people just go to this black hole basic right and then. I remember what tinder came out. It was just like nonstop matching people asking you. I remember my first message on there. I'm so excited. I got a message immediately. What does the satellite? Ttf Christian bet like she's like yeah.

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Give instant gratification. Though it kind of takes away the whole excitement of it it really does and before we get into worship is all about. How did you meet your current boyfriend? So we met my friend from college started dating his friend from high school and I guess I was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and I feel like her boyfriend was kind of tired of like may third willing with them and he was like. Oh I have a guy friend from this brand for Michael and then we've been dating ever since those see you are one of the few that have not met on Day. The gas so old school yes. So old guard met many many people in dating APP. He's not one of them. I I always wonder if I would. I like matched with him on. Dating APP would've gone out outlay and what's the answer would have swipe for him. I think so. He's pretty cute. It's nice to have someone vetted for you. Kinda the cool thing about like being set up is okay. Someone says like Oh. There's this person's normal. I can vouch for that. And there's mazing about when a friend introduced someone you immediately. Trust them for some reason right right well I feel Kim started off that way too like friends of friends and then it kind of morphed into more of just anyone. Yeah so I Guess Your Dad. I'm sure you've used your share of dating apps. What have been kind of someone who has a guilty? Especially if you're so intrigued to start like you a podcast pretty used your sheriff day the gaps but what challenges re seeing when you were using diddy ops. Let's take a minute and talk about how we can improve our finances. It has been a really tough time for many especially when it comes to finances and that's why we want to tell you about empower the mobile banking APP that does auto save for you. 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Now back to the show but challenges. Were you seeing when you were using video ups When I was using dating I think the way especially after like hosting this podcast reading all the emails like the advice that we give people I learned so much about like issues facing people who are dating and like sort of the mistakes that we all make. I think looking back when I was single. I think I made a lot of them. I remember I would always Kinda like half the on them like I would download them on Sunday and I would delete them on Tuesday when I was like what am I doing this. Don't let this feel comfortable. And then I read download eight when I was like in a weird day so I think Big I made was kind of like not really like being fully on it. 'cause YOU'RE GONNA do anything you should really like do it for real right so I think that's why I didn't have a ton of success on the APPS because I didn't really like put myself out there that much I wasn't really like messaging a ton of people I have like a fleshed out bio I think I was kinda lying one foot out the door on them so if I go back and tell myself to do it differently. I think I would say like really. You're going to be here like really be here. That's interesting 'cause you kind of mentioned it earlier that a lot of dating APPs like a chore. I think when you feel like you should be doing something. That's what you do because I've been there before it's like. Oh why are meeting anyone? Oh I should get on the data gaps. And then you don't want to be doing. You're not excited to be there. You're just kind of like feeling like oh. I like should be doing this. I don't WanNa miss out by not doing it but I don't really want to be here right and it takes a fun out of dating dating shooting fund. Did we lose sight of that as it pubic? Battling into dates being just negative people. How many people have gone dates were their first day? Conversation is about how it they hate the. Oh my God I never thought well people always ask. What was the best dating APP to be on and usually when someone asks my answer for them is which one do you actually enjoy being on pretty much? The people are on them. So it's like. Which one do you look at that? It's like Oh this is fun to use my not dreading doing this every Sunday and I'm going to delete it by Tuesday so I think there is so much of what you were saying earlier about. Like why even created shipped is like. How do we make fun again exactly? What is so interesting sharp? Because I was introduced to the APP a few months ago by my boyfriend's guy friend.

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Yeah we read dinner and he was. He's recently divorced with two kids and he did not know how to use APPs at all and he got on a ship because he's like someone else to make these decisions for me. I can't do it and I didn't know the guy but I knew enough to kind of figure out what his type is or who he'll be attracted to so I started playing around i. It was very fun because I haven't touched dating up in so long like crack. I'm like yes I'm ANA dating again. But it was for someone else but what. I liked about it was that it didn't feel like an APP. Felt like a social network in a way because we were able to talk about the pigs we were able to Kinda like have conversations about what we were seeing. Really what type? Brian has been your experience to actually see me on my eye. I guess I couldn't say but real life but I'm just going to do what was so funny was I thought it was so cool. I'm like Oh my gosh. I'm on this new deal. I'm GonNa tell all my friends about it. And then I see Juliana. I really thought I was an early. Adopter yeah I actually was. I was trying to talk to you about when I actually -joyed I can't fully remember like where I saw something about chip rally just from breathing news and seeing different things that are out there. I remember the sky that I went on a couple dates with me like decided amicably that we were better off as just friends but then he asked that we actually had him on a podcast for anyone. That's listening. Remember that one very he like. He added to his like ship crew. And this is a whole new level when you were there yet. You're very was actually ironically. Not that many days after it was like maybe within a week to like okay. We're doing this one. But what would I do want to talk about in the discussion is? We're GONNA get a little deeper here. And I've I've heard you talk about this as well. Dirt and some interviews is how dating APPs has always been a little bit isolating. Because you're needing in silo and you're making these decisions for yourself. Sometimes we don't know who we like anymore. There's so many choices there's so many factors or are you even looking right right. Yeah I'll start to like really blur together. I think what we found is. It feels very isolating. People are Kinda like again. They're thinking of it like is really high stakes thing that there's a lot of pressure on a lot of women that we speak to a lot of pressure to like settle down or meets them on and it can. It can just feel like a second job. We made ship. That was like what we really wanted to lower the stakes dating. Make It more fun. Make like explorer by inviting your friends so calm mimic that you'd have where you're out at a bar with your friends and you're like hang out with each other and like maybe there's some guys maybe you meet someone but like also maybe you don't just still had a really fun night. Hang out your friends right as really wanted to bring to the APP and that's exactly it. It's an APP that simulates a real life situation. You never go into a bar with a bunch of girlfriends and you you in the Corner Approach. Agai and not tell your girlfriends. That would just be very odd. You would be every all their opinions that you really think about this guy approaching pretend to drop your phone so I can go over and talk to them or whatever it is. We haven't seen any APPS do that yet. And ship is sort of like the first APP to really stimulate that real life. Irl situation for the table PODCAST. We actually came out with some predictions for twenty twenty about the dating landscape and we predicted that absent technology would go more into the I. R. L. Situation where it's it's an experience that that will replicate in real life experience so you're on trend. I'm glad to hear that Definitely good news for us but yeah it's Kinda like you said with the with the bar thing it's like it's always fun when you go out to a bar with your friends but if you're going out to the bar like alone and you were there for the sole purpose of finding a guy it would be like a much more unpleasant like less social kind of like high stakes feeling than if you were at a bar like getting a drink with Iran right exactly. I know like back in the day. Remember just going out all the time and especially in San Francisco. I mean you probably deal with this New York too. It's like social circles do tend to see each other a lot and you would meet friends of friends and things. Were just organically naturally happened. And that's how a water relationships Scott started so. I think there's something really nice here too. That like for example. If you had thought your your boyfriend's friend was a good fit for me. It's like you're kind of like being that intro. Closing that loop. Yeah but what? We've seen the evolution of dating. Apps is or even before dating apps there was group dating. Ooh Grouper was big for social.

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Thank you on a couple of grouper dates. I did I feel like it was like it was before I went on any real dating updates. Like kind of like a nice like segue into that feeling of like. Oh I don't WanNa meet a stranger. They've no idea I don't know them at all on the Internet alone. Let me bring a couple of my friends out. It seemed like a way to like ease into into like real world dating after college for The Best Group do dove and it was like really go off tangent. But I remember like my friend. Melissa data we wanted to get on group bird for whatever reason we could not get grouper like they like either had their pilotless weightless whatever it was like long before dateable now we could probably pull some strings but I remember like my male friend. He's like I have this girlfriend. That has been on and she has no friends to go on the grouper with like. Do you guys want to go with her? So we'd like I like met up with her like a wine bar before grouper was like one of those awkward moments where you're like looking bigger date but I was looking for and then my third got there late and we're sitting at the table these dudes and they're like how do you guys know each other. It's like Oh friends of friends like Winnipeg really funny. You guys just met like five minutes. You're like actually yes blind date on so many levels then. One of my friends actually won on that day. But okay so. This is a question when you go into group dating situation. This is different than having your friends help match you. You're going on a group date with other singles do you. Are you going in with a serious mentality looking for role relationship? I think that I never did. I did a couple of times but I think it was more meant All have fun in Party. And see what happens on Notre Dame. You had that experience to different. Yeah I think it was kind of like it was just it? It did seem like lower stakes fund kind of thing which was cool about it and I'm surprised they don't exist anymore during the weightless thing is how hard it was to get on at one point. I don't know what the revenue model was but Iran and I are alike connection site for awhile wasn't dating relationship related. It was more just like prepare relief next and but it was. It was a lot of overhead. Doing like the in real life meetings and so I think having the simulated on an APP is a much more like scalable way to go. And it's probably grouper probably didn't shut down because people didn't want it. It's more probably because the operations Scott Difficult and probably liability. Yeah and then even though you were friends with the people you went with or maybe not in your case but still like had no. No-one betting that the people you're going out with Bryant. They were not even like not necessarily were they like normal or not normal or like not a serial killer so it's more like are they someone that they think that you would get along with which is. Kinda cool thing about having your friends that you up run that they know you and they know like they they know the bad people that you're choosing and the people that you just stay away from and they know the people that you should be dating that you're maybe not eating and then they also know your type so I think it's really fun for people who are even in relationships to be on the APP and kind of like being able to see what they're missing out on world or to get a sense of what their friend is going through. Yeah I think that's why from my perspective. I've been having SOMO late because I'm not dating. This really cured. That but at the same time I would say the way I was swine or not swiping the way I was shipping for him was I had his best interests at heart. I wasn't thinking like Oh. This girl would be a hot mess. It'd be hilarious to match them up. No it was like this is a standup guy. Would find a really good person for him so I was taking extra precautions when I was trying to find a match for him. So that's just from the matters perspective. I think also were granted earlier. People are so burnt out because there's so much high pressured own matches and it's always. Our friends that are married like in superstars should not dating APPs. Why wouldn't you do some of the work for you and let them enjoy? Can we just step back for a SEC? And discuss a term ship because Julian older millennials. And we don't quite know how to use ship in a sentence and we're trying to cooperate more. So can you give us a little clarification around that term shit? I mean chip as many meetings in terms of the name of the APP. It's really wanted to celebrate relationships and friendships. So ship is really the common denominator. And that that's one thing among the younger the younger millennials and maybe like Jenn Day shift means to. It's kind of I think it's a pretty much a verb. It's not Technically in in in the real dictionary. Atl that we're trying hard.

00:30:00 - 00:35:02

And it means basically exactly means on to like to root for a couple though was a shift like Brad Brandon. Brandon means like I'm rooting for them like or work for couples. That are no longer together or was that Arlegui. Gee I ship I Dunno gee-gee had the Dane or something like that. Let's try to work. Listen to off or it doesn't have to be celebrities easiest example to us you can say like. Oh yeah for my my friend like I love. I love my friend and her boyfriend is a couple. I ship them. I'm rooting for them. Ship them so you Kinda told us a bit about the swiping four friends. Is there anything else about ship that kind of brings in that real life nece? Well there's an APP group chat which is also really bring people together. It makes people feel like they can share profiles in the APP. So you know like send screen shots of whoever you can say like. Oh I see this guy and the advocate can be such a great match for you and you can share his profile within the APP and then you you and your friends can discuss it. So it's just another way to like you said bring that social aspect back into dating making it more fun making it more like a group fun things for the person's not like oh. I'm here alone on this APP. Having to make all these decisions for myself for having snow having no one's really run by like my thoughts or feelings about the APP and funny because we were talking about You know isolating saying also before been higher friends like know you so well that you think that's so much more true now than it has ever been the past. They feel like with people who are getting married later in life that especially for women like they're they're getting married later there which I think has caused people to create stronger. Female friendships just by nature of them. Having more time single having more time whether or not like attached to someone or in a relationship or only doing or having children earlier and allows them to like really build those friendships. I love that too because sometimes too you're not sure which France want like the every nitty gritty about your in line and then some loving. So they're on shelby. Probably down to get those text messages and there are also some friends. I would never want right in matches so I would never tell even crew does not mention it to them like oh the ship. Ask The doorbusters. Your ship yourself. You could in this dating and relationships space for awhile now with the U up. Podcast with ship and also. I think with Betcha is there. That's fundamentally about relationships connection. How has your own view on dating and relationships evolved since becoming so involved in this dating space? Oh my God so much. It's like I mean I. I've always tried to figure out dating tried to pick. I mean like my parents are divorced. And they've I've seen a lot of divorces nice and you're out of that so I've always been really interested in like how to make a relationship where what makes a relationship work with the best way to to be dating as what's the best way to be in a relationship and like obviously there's no complete right or wrong but I think through hosting this podcast and through you know. We've been writing answering emails about Dating questions on on batches like twenty seven like you said I my my aunt online better. A lot wiser. Yeah just so interesting to read. We get like thousands of emails so resisting to read them all feel like the common thread and then to look back and think like wow. I wish I'd known this at the time that I was dating or I wish I'd known them. When I you know I started getting on the APPS or doing any of that stuff and even me a really good sense of what the issues are that a lot of millennial encountering dating in twenty twenty just kind of like everyone's going to the same thing which is really interesting and really kind of comforting to know especially we do live shows to everyone. They're like really like they understand all the aspects of her so they understand What it's like to date in the Arab instagram and their solidarity. Feeling like Oh. I'm not the only one who feels like they're crazy because they were stopping whether or not someone watch their instagram story. And then like CR- painting a picture based on it so in addition to instagram. What do you think are the other big change? happened like from dating websites on owning say. Apps websites ten years ago. I think I mean especially from our younger listeners. There's a lot of snapchat questions. It's Kinda crazy in that. It seems like getting through an actual first date is like such a big commitment these days or bigger sign of being interested in to someone. Then it was. Maybe like ten fifteen years ago where you'd be like. Oh I ate hasn't really mean anything that's like the only time I've ever really even spoken to your now. It's Kinda like well there's I can send someone a snapchat disappears and it's almost like we never that never even existed or I can. I can check them for months and never actually wind up seeing them or only catch them on a Friday night just to hook up to really does feel like getting on an actual real in person for Thursday is like a meeting.

00:35:02 - 00:40:01

Marriage of story is like a Such a bigger commitment bigger commitment than it used to be. That's so interesting is I feel like we I think there's some of that we see but I think a lot of it. We just people going on like tons and tons of I states. So freely because of the abundance. That's our Jenner younger generation. They're kind of holding back. Yeah and they're trying to figure out what their commitment level is before they even meet each other in real life. But this the way you're talking about with snapchat is blowing my mind because I still have my old emails from match dot Com from two thousand four or whatever I read through them for entertainment and then it brings up old memories but if you have no record of your TV with someone then you really don't are not invested in that person and we used to write novels and match dot Com in like snapchat twitter instagram. It's like you know one line best right EMOJI. Yeah emoji exactly. Yes you think about people who are like graduating college right now. Or they're they're like they're twenty two years old they've they've only lived in a world where people have really used dating after. They haven't the Nice thing I think about being like you know. Thirty plus Is that you did live in that world and you do have a sense of remembering what you all these things and and you crave that more and you. You almost like you know better. In that sense some of my age would be like. Oh I'm not gonNA only if someone on snapchat but that's just the way that you've been interacting with them people's Middle School. It doesn't seem that weird. It doesn't seem that non intimate. Does I think to me or to you I. I'm assuming you kind of be like that's crazy. Way To communicate but for them all the way they've been communicating for as long as they remember that's what they know right. So what's the average? Age On ships. I don't be back Renault. We were like forty two percent giambi and more than nine percent millennial fascinating so a lot of skewing a little younger. Yeah and what are they going through so when we do our live shows we hear some of the same things over and over again. People are ghosting each other. There's a lack of accountability either stating fatigue. What else are you hearing from your users? I think it's just like it's especially like in big cities like New York or San Francisco that there's just so many choices can feel like paralyzing be able to like settle down because there's always just the next person's just like one swipe away or something like that you can feel very like competitive or can feel like everyone's disposable which is you know which is not a good feeling to have it. Does make people feel values like they used to? I think in some ways but in other ways it's kind of amazing I mean like especially you think like what it was like to be. Maybe an older woman or man like ten fifteen years ago like he wants to meet someone you really had to like go out there and you might not have any friends who were going out and doing activities so you would you. Were kind of out of luck but now with dating APPs it is. It's Kinda great that you can meet someone without having to do that. Make it so much easier to to find a relationship in some ways and harder and other ways. Yeah I love also remember even through friends of friends like for years. That's how I met people and then because I've lived in San Francisco for ten years. I'm like wait. I know all my friends and their friends. It's like there's no way left but I think like there's no friends of friends right like there's was shipped which is cool. It's like you're kind of bringing that like I'll meet through a friend of a friend but it's not necessarily. It's like using the Internet allowing the breath of people which is amazing in the sense that you're not limited but you're letting your friends look for you. Kinda give their input to whoever you match with. You also know that. They've been validated by friend. Yeah and they're real people right up there. I remember like one of the benefits dating like I met my ex on hinge and we were like we would never have met like we had no connections that also. That's the braves dating APPs right. Yeah you're casting wiped that but now you're adding this level of accountability and credibility to it and it just makes it a lot safer. Yeah relying on a small circle one and I think I think gaining because he used them the right way. If you're like if you're like I said earlier if you're on it you're really your real about being on it and you're honest to to really use it. Well then it opens up like you just said like a huge world possibility that people that you might have never met even had any chance of meeting before which is kind of amazing or you mentioned the trends we were looking at with dating and one of them was bringing this more. Irl into dating APPs but another one was the ability to have more long distance relationships. Things that you would just never have that access to people before one of the other kind of themes that fell into this whole. Irl PIECES VIDEO and we've seen a lot of APPS. Try video experiment with video and something really nice about video because it gives people a much better feel of who you are.

00:40:02 - 00:45:03

I don't think anyone's quite cracked the code. Yeah what are your thoughts? Hey let's take a quick break so we can all do a mental health check in in these unprecedented times. Some of US may be experiencing unprecedented feelings for me has been feelings of helplessness and uncontrollable anxiousness. So I WANNA know. How are you feeling today? Working on my mental health with our wonderful sponsor better help has ensured me that I'm not alone in this center. Offers online counseling with professional credible and compassionate therapists in a safe and private environment their counselors specialize in depression relationships trauma and many other areas with three thousand US licensed professionals across all fifty states. They make it easier than ever to find help and it doesn't have to be expensive like what you think. Therapy would be and they even offer financial systems now dateable listeners. Only you get ten percents off your first month with a code dateable get started today by going to better help dot com slash dateable simply fill out a questionnaire to assess your needs and get matched with a suitable counselor again. That's better health dot com slash dateable and use the code DAT AP L. Pretend your first month now back to this episode. Something really nice about video because it gives people much better feel of who you are then. I don't think anyone's quite crack the code. Yeah what are your thoughts right? Yeah I've seen a couple of those those ads to that WANNA bring like video or like kind of like a chat roulette of like dating. I think they're I think the sentiment is there. I think we agree with you. I don't think anyone's really gotten it. Totally right yet. I think especially for the younger generation that has a fear that speaking on snapchat like looking someone in the eye on on on on that brother is like a little overwhelming which is kinda sad but I think is true. I mean we the people that we the right into our podcasts. They're like kind of a phone call is crazy before a date owing only imagine their fear of a video chat but I do think it's I like the idea of anything that brings you into a more intimate space with someone. Did you have you guys seen? That SHOW LOVES LINE OWNER. Just talking about that. Show we sane. Anybody who's never watched the show. I guess we should give a recap so it's a group of men in Group of women and then they need each other through a few months I guess but talking only in these like dark rooms and they never they're never exposed to each other and then whoever they pick serve match at the end they marry taking blind dating to a whole new level and also for our own personal enjoyment watching on. What do you think about that? Show at first it was like really understand like this isn't like doesn't seem that revolutionary but then the more you watch the more invested you get paragraphs which. I think is its own separate thing but I do wonder if they did like. I guess the whole point is that you can't see what someone looks like but I do think it's Har- it's easier to have intimate conversations with someone when you can see like their facial expressions. I don't think that that's you know they take out of it and it's supposed to make it better but I think in some ways it kind of it's really hard to to detect connection without being able to look into someone base incense all their you know their emotions and the way that they're taking in what you're saying So but that for some reason that made me think of the video chat thing. I wonder what those have been stronger. Connections words video chat or something like that I like the idea I think if it could be executed correctly or like well. I think it could be really cool because the APP House party. Now what's that so? It's not a dating APP. But it's meant for is basically meant to simulate being a house party for your home alone. Repor like the founder Cave in to company. I worked at in talked about it and at first this is really sat right like all these kids that used to. I think just from growing up and not a smartphone generation. It was really sad to me that they were basically choosing to sit at home in a corner of the room and they tend to be in the House party rather than go out and meet people who but now as I've thought about it more like could there actually be a benefit of that for dating. Sometimes you don't WanNa go out and meet people don't know because these people out super connected. I mean granted. Some of them were friends but they were also connecting to like Friends of friends. Weren just people in totally different parts of the world or different house parties. All of that right and they would be in there for like hours. I really enjoying it so could there be some sort of video. That doesn't feel as much like you're talking into a phone south right. That's their today so your time. Vr Now VR. Oh goggle I just like the avatars like. That's just so creepy to me. I care at all Black Mirror at the Super Black Mirror episode but it does go into this trend that I'm seeing.

00:45:03 - 00:50:01

Which is I feel like. People want to deal with less variables making decisions about their dating. Lives back in the day when when dating APPS and websites I came out. We were checking all the categories. Doing all filters soup felt empowered to say this type prison. I want but after all these years we've come back full circle and now we're saying actually I don't know what the hell looking for. So can someone else make these decisions for me or take away some of the variables so simplifies my decision making experience. Yeah right well I mean I think. We've there's studies that show that you're better at making decisions like in a group. Then you are on your own a lot of the time. It's helpful to get more opinions than anything you do if I mean like I ask about ten opinions before I even book vacation about anyone. Who's been there so I feel like you can get that for someone that you're potentially gonNA date true. You have more power you know. Yeah I mean I think the the part about going back video because there's something here really wants to do that. No can't injured looking to their swing. Nice like you kind of get to know someone a little more like. Is there anything that you've seen or any plans that you guys have shipped to kind of? It doesn't have to be video but anything else to kind of eliminate some of that just not knowing enough by Jesse a photo we do. We do have plans for you. Know like Updated version of the APP. They're confidential at the moment. We are doing some exciting things with the APP. That I'm that I think will really changed the game and a lot of ways but I. I'm not really supposed to talk about them yet. Hoping among that idea and I think that that's something we're definitely definitely worry less crazy here. Let's just let's just say okay. We're in like the future ten years from now. Let's just say dating APPS? All of a sudden get banned by the law. They become illegal. Nobody on gaps. You can't have a date again. Use a dating APP footloose contraband. Everyone's like selling dating APP. Swipe on the black market. You know like I'll give you five bucks back can go on go on Shepard five minutes but what do you think could be an anybody cancer this? I don't want anybody on the spot. The would you think would be the next big tech craze. That could help people date. Ooh that's not a dating APP that's thrown at all. It could be on your phone. Just can't be in a while you guys think. I'm going to say what I don't want it to be be are really opie Dot Com to light. Oh well I was GONNA say Holograms I mean. I'm I'm not as I'm not that anything's at least it's a person. I think it's the Avatar that I can't get behind with glasses the goggles. I can't get behind both. But what if it's just like this projection of live sized person in your room that weird a little creepy to leave your house? You don't have to leave your house. You can feel super comfortable and you can. I mean honestly you can just have a relationship with a Hologram. Never real life got. It could be like her. Yeah Yeah like movie and that movie says a lot about our culture to. Yeah what do you think? What else could it be? Let's get crazy or maybe something like a technology that isn't really exist yet because I think people are going more to real-life like we're actually seeing that trend like Jansy. Does it want to be on screens as much in who? I think it'd be really cool. I don't know how you do this without a day. The maybe there's something just on your phone that you get an alert. I think it'd be really cool if you're in a bar or in a coffee shop or whatever it is and there's some way that you indicate that you're like WanNa talk to your single and you're ready to. Mingle like highly somehow alert. This it can like set off a learns cause it's awkward but so it comes up to you. Don't WanNa be bothered to do work or like you're out with your friends and you don't want to talk to people of that. You're catching up with some of the really sad thing to tell you don't want some random coming at you right right so like how do you put the wave out there to make it feel so? I think that's what's missing right now. Is People are afraid to approach? Because they don't yell whether they have the green light yes or maybe there's even a way till exceed the person before you actually talk to them.

00:50:01 - 00:55:03

Even though there are crosser view you can just like check on your phone that you want them to come over or not. That's a great idea. That's a fabulous idea. 'cause we need those visual cues that what it is and this anything goes in. Today's modern dating if someone's like inbetween something and they don't WanNa be talked to. They were like are out of commission for a while. They're all dating hiatus. It'd be great to have a visual indicator. I will go as far as wearing a headband parties in college like the Red Yellow. Just tell the entire world that grow available I mean and how when knowing your targets are yeah. Yeah that's true having I like that. That's a good idea. Let's do it Jordan like L. The way well this is Interracial before holograms are after definitely before because then people what is like Fatigued by visual cues. I don't even know what kind of fatigue this would be. And then they are like fucking date. Hologram. Graham tell the world will be before we go delirious talk. Let's shall we do some takeaways about our conversation Julie I would say what I'm taking away from. This entire conversation is one. I now finally know what ship means. I feel I feel it. I'm going to start using it tomorrow at work along with Gucci. I'm just GONNA use those over and over again. I don't know what that would be. That's so Gucci. That's so great. Can you use shift in Gucci of one sentence? I want a ship. I WANNA ship Jen and Brad because they be Gucci Cool. Yeah so Jesse Right. Do I sound twenty. Yeah totally Benjamin Button myself just using those two words what I love about this conversation the main takeaway is dating for a Lotta people feels like a very lonely experience with relationships too. And that's why we always on our podcast promotes therapy and just talking things out. But there are other ways where we can use technology for to benefit our dating experience as opposed to feel like a lot of us get frustrated by. We think it's hindering so with ship I think what I my main takeaway from the non data perspective is that it helps facilitate this feeling that you're in it with other people that you are you can be apathetic to other people and then you can make it more of a group experience. I don't feel alone when you're going through. And if you can't stimul- stimulate. If he could simulate that in your entire dating and love life Situation I think it will improve your mindset right. It won't feel an injured and a brother. Stubborn won't feel as I must do this by a certain time. It's just more of part of your life and I think my takeaway is. Let's be dating funding again and sounds like a way to do it. And dating APPs don't have to be a chore. I think that's fine too. Is Insulting your friends. Yeah and telling them that you have a date coming out telling the asking their opinion about someone that should go on a date. Yeah like even pre dating apps like I remember just like we're out in about being like. Oh what do you think of him? Do you like him. And all that stuff like we're bringing. Irl into dating APP. Yeah I really enjoyed that and drew. Dana. I think let's shift our focus for a SEC because I want to talk to you about from fellow. Podcasters podcast when you first started your podcast. I don't know if you had this experience. But Julian I had very basic views about everything was very binary it was very simplistic and now I listened back to those old episodes unlike. I can't believe I think about dating there. Were like some hard rules that I believed in dealbreakers but now with just getting to know people who are out there dating getting to know the dating scene better. I feel that I have better tools for how I approach the dating mindset and love and relationships not that I have all the answers now but I feel like there's just more complexity to how I can think about a topic right one hundred percent. Yeah I guess Jordan. Is there anything that you would add to takeaways or anything else that you want people to kind of remember about shipped to just how you view dating? Yeah get people out of that fatigue I think like you said like we're we're trying to make dating again we're we're trying to bring a social aspect into something that used to be like extremely social. If you if you look back on you know really old and wave doing it where you have like your mom setting you up with someone in your parlor Necessarily want to replicate that.

00:55:03 - 00:57:38

But we want you know you have people betting people for you. You have people who are in it. Was you people who are invested in your dating life and support and I think that's what our podcast does And that's what ship both do discreet. A support system In a way to have fun with with something that people don't they take it very seriously. Yeah that just leads to one last Kind of playing off of what you just said. And what you said you and I think a lot of times. I could see people being nervous to use something like Shit. Because they're like well I don't want my I don't want my friends to see. I don't get a lot of matches or I don't want them to see that. I like someone. They didn't like me like there is a personal side of it. But I think what we're hearing here is that your friends do have your best interest in mind in your probably judging yourself a lot harder than there actually judging you with this stuff so let it be like let people in to it. And don't let fear override the Fund. That could be from it. Yes and if anybody wants to add us to their ship crew feel free to do so. I would love to swipe floor you very good. Yes I believe. I'm going to be important job day. Area MONETIZE ING somehow. Well thank you so much for taking the time out to chat with us. I know you're super busy building your empire and being this female millennial whisper that you are so we really appreciate getting some of your wisdom on our podcast. Thank you this so fun. And we're going to wrap this up. Stay little dateable. Podcast is part of the FROLIC podcast network. More podcasts. You'll love at frolic dot media slash. Podcasts won't continue the conversation. I follow us on Instagram. Facebook and twitter with the handle asked dateable podcast tag as an any post with a Hashtag. Stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those pose then head over to our website dateable PODCASTS DOT com. You'll find all the episodes articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums Roseau downloadable. For Free on spotify APPLE PODCAST. Google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable.