BONUS: The Worst Dating Advice...from Dating Coaches

00:00:01 - 00:05:00

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves.  I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

Hello everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating where we really try to dig into the whys of people's behavior and what drives them to do the things they do when it comes to dating relationships love and sex and that includes your own motives for your own behavior. Were still offseason. we're ramping up for season twelve. Which is going to be another groundbreaking amazing season. But in the meantime we have these bonus episodes for you that julian i planned out in this episode in particular is about that advice. We've received or have heard from dating coaches in this. Yes i think everyone could. I feel like the advice. Ones are always super popular. But i love the angle of bad advice because we all know at dateable. We're not like rules followers. We don't love like hard fast advice. And i think historically in the dating coaching realm in the bad dating books that we got were all about like black and white advice and part of why that is inspired us to make dateable for that reason alone. To debunk some of it. And let's just unravel that a little bit. Why is it that the world is filled with bad dating advice. Especially for these dating experts and coaches because it is easier when you have very concrete rules when you put things into black and white when you make them so clear that it's marketable right so you from a business standpoint. It makes sense because that's what sells your book. That's what sells your audio books etcetera but we really believe that. There is no one universal rules for dating. So how could there be all this advice and rules out there that apply to everybody but they could possibly apply to some people. We've gathered to some of the the advice that we just really do not apply to anybody anymore. Maybe they're just more outdated. Yeah this is kind of a fun exercise to take up some of the bad advice. I actually founded article that we contributed to as well. It wasn't bad advice from a dating coach but it was dad day. They could vice from one of your married friends. That was the context of it. I bet burwood. We got that. We'll have reporters reach out to us to contribute articles that i remember when that one came through with huff po. We were both like yep we got a lot. We got a lot of me. Yes oh yes. There's just bad advice out there circulating all the time and maybe sometimes we should speed beat like the bad advice. Police act here. I do want to say though like married. Friends don't always have bad advice. I think like sometimes they are out of touch with the dating world. Sometimes that advice can be tough. But i do think that they bring a different perspective of someone that may not be as in it also so i do want to say that like i feel like i have valued a lot of the advice by buried. Friends have told base. I don't wanna say like we've just reported as bad but there's been a few that have stood out that we're just like wait what julius trying to salvage her friendships right now. I don't know my married. Friends are legit sometime. I spied what of our friends was like. Here's the sky. Take what date him right for this. We were at forget we were at a dream. Force party for anyone dotted cisco like Like i mean. I think most people even if you're done a heck of a hotel heard about dream force so like salesforce obviously beijing But they would have all these parties and we're at a party in my friends. Coworker was gonna like meet us and she likes shows the photo to you and i and she's like one of you guys should date him. We're like yeah. He's really cute as when we were both single. And then she's like yeah. He's married with three kids. We're like what. Why would you show us him. And she's like oh they'll probably break said. The ironic part is now. She's married with two kids. The best part was no evidence this claim she was just like due to statistics right but like are they unhappy. She's like. I don't know i don't really know what we're like. What great thank silverlake so go after unavailable people. Yeah that's that's bad. I don't care what your great advice. Well before we dive into this.

00:05:00 - 00:10:01

I guess we really should talk about our event. That's coming up. Oh yes sounding board. We're talking about schema if you haven't been around for the last episode not not the last episode but we had an episode in season. Eleven about scheme us with dr abigail. Love and scheme are basically like how you're wired. And how how your innate beliefs drive your behavior which is like the tagline of art broadcast exactly but the scheme is a very interesting because the more you learn about your own schemers and your partner schema or other people's scheme as the more you're able to find ways to communicate with them and communicate with yourself so it's a very powerful tool and dr love is going to dive deeper into that and it. We don't wanna call diagnosed but she can basically pinpoint your schema by just asking you a few questions. It's like magic but she's going to be doing a workshop so four people that are nudity. Dateable we have a premium membership Group called the sounding board where there's multiple tiers but one of our main kind of features that spans across couple. The tears is we do a monthly virtual live event and they're all super interactive. They're not your average zoom. We get it. You don't wanna be on him. These are not your average soon party and we are doing like a full on workshop. That i swear is probably like a couple hundred dollars like if you were to do this like outside of us. So we're really lucky to have friends like abigail and like people that are in our network. That are doing this and it's actually likes. We keep saying we take for granted the really cool people were exposed to. It's pretty awesome. That they're willing to spend their time and talk to all of you guys bore in small intimate environment in the great. Follow up to the livestream that we had this week. Which was incredible. We talked about core values. And i think for you add this theme of core values of just been kind of coming all angles. We've been recording season twelve. We have some really great gas store. Were so excited about it. And there's been a theme of like what really matters for the long haul and we also did this dry wit dr abigail love of basically the workshop turning scheme schemers into your relationship values so this is basically just like a way to kind of extend on that even further and just gaining more knowledge about yourself. It's always going to be more powerful. It's never going to hurt you. It will just make you into an even better partner for someone else or yourself. So it's these are things that we really. We believe that we are in service of something when we have. These workshops were inservice of people to to gain. Better control of their love lives and their own behaviors. So check it out. Dateable podcasts dot com slash sounding board. If you like more information about the sounding board in general or this event your next month is most dateable contest so we've already been getting the submissions in so we're going to have kind of community wide ability to come. We will be selling tickets. Alicarte too and they actually are available right now. Dateable podcasts dot com slash events that is currently live right now and you can actually get your early bird tickets. The event will be on thursday february eighteenth and it will be free to sounding board members at the the tears that include events in that anyone that's at the tier that doesn't include events will still get a big discount in an anyone that wants to join lake on as a one off can have that ability can use the code early bird all the way till next thursday in they'll be back to full price. This is our version of a coed pageant without all the shallow and superficial things. Were trying to find the most dateable for twenty twenty one in our community. This will be a really fun interactive and entertaining event. Okay i know you guys are want us to get to the bad advice we will we will. I sure it's worse. We want to promote a great book. This episode is brought to you by a book called. The rancher meets has matched by kate. Pierce here's the summary for the hardworking folks of morgantown. Home really is where the heart is sometimes takes leaving for a while to figure that out in new york times bestselling author. Kate pierces fourth miller's of morgan valley novel. Katie miller uses his carpenter skills to renovate a rundown neighboring ranch for the ailing owner the father of his childhood nemesis. Julia garcia can these two old foes ignore the sparks between them who. It's one of those like frienemie friends with benefits. That i wanna fuck you kind of situation and you wanna learn more about this book. It's called the rancher meets his match you can find more about it. At kensington books dot com or wherever books are sold and again it's called. The rancher meets his match by kate peers cool select shall we get back into it.

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I know there's so much bad advice out there like we head of. I think the one that stood out to me. I that i saw was just just pretend you're not interested to show interest at all acts like you don't care. Yeah this really bothers me. It's like the whole play hard to get. What are you playing hard to get here if you are some looking to get into a relationship. Someone looking for companionship. Someone looking for love. Why would you pretend you're not interested in that. Yeah and also. I feel like it's like you just don't care the other person's gonna think you don't care and they're going to move on to someone that Us care if they actually are looking for that. I do think like the whole like chasing and playing hard to get. That really is like for people. That aren't actually looking for serious relationships. I know i definitely kind of went to some of those rules in my like twenties because i was clueless that i thought that was like the way to get someone and also looking back. In retrospect probably just wasn't really ready for a long term relationship. Like i was kind of playing the game and i remember like as soon as i actually showed someone interests back like wasn't so like you know vague in mysterious. That's when things started to happen. It's i. I don't know i don't hear that many stories where when someone acts totally uninterested they actually ended up having a relationship with that person it just never works out that way and it's always a temporary thing because pick up artists love to do this. You know they love to give that advice and that's where this advice really comes from his bingham culture but it only gets you interest for a second but it's not a good foundation for a long lasting relationship so we hate this one. Julia just realized we're both wearing black today. It's like brad funeral for bad advice. But this one sixty underground r.i.p device. I do think subconsciously showed up that way. Yes i also. I do remember. A dating coach taught like to dating coach. When i was going through something pretty serious with my axe in her advice to me was like kind of act. Like i don't care and remove myself and a guy like like what i'm like in a serious relationship of like literally. That is the worst thing i could do. If that's the relationship it's going to be like. I don't wanna be in that relationship. Like why would i do that makes no sense. That's just horrendous. And that's just like bad nick signals for your partner. They would just think. Does she really care about me or not right like so mixed at all stages of a relationship. You should be doing that in fight absolutely. You shouldn't be doing that in life. Never pretend you don't like something if you like it. Just don't do that another piece of really bad advice. I've heard is the stereotypical gender roles be more feminine. He can be more masculine or lean into your masculinity so she can she can show her femininity. And i think this is just so bad because essentially what someone's asking you to do is to not be yourself and along with that advice is like how do you lean femininity. You should be more dainty and you shouldn't talk about sports and you should speak more quietly a no etiquette and always wear dresses to date and that's not innately who you are. What are you are you portraying a character. Also how archaic is that like first of all in a world that we live in today where it's not like so hetero normative two like why is it like a signing two specific roles to people like there's battle like regardless of your sacks regardless of your gender regardless of anything you can have feminine and masculine qualities even like to call them feminine and masculine qualities. It's putting it there. At least the things that people traditionally associated with that. I think a lot of people have a combination of both. It's not just one or the other and that doesn't matter like who you are and to some extent this implies that if you lean into your femininity you're showing weakness or you're being more demure and if you're leaning into your masculinity you've all heard the sex advice just throw her against the wall of describe her and that's not how things work either because what if your partner doesn't like that so i also don't like the stereotypes that are implied in those words when used tax so let's just p that to like just murder that shit we don't want that no just find someone that you get a log with advice. I your equals. I think that really is the world that we're going to is like you. Hear people say partner. I think partner used to be reserved for same sex couples. And it's something that is now kind of just the norm across like all whatever regardless of what your sexuality is because there isn't this like imbalanced based off of your challenger in like what your masculinity or femininity is amen.

00:15:04 - 00:20:02

Yeah okay the next one. That was on the list. Never talk about religion. Sex or politics. okay specially the world. We live in today like yeah. I need to know that shit right away. also sidebar. there's gonna be a little sidebar but did you hear about how on bumble women are basically. I shouldn't say it's just women. It is that was written up in the article but basically people have been changing their Status to conservative. They're trying to essentially find people that went to the capitol and i'd like turn them into the fbi data apso just crazy. That is the little side box. Ryan a trap people go. There is some. here's a special message from our sponsor. Gobble do you remember at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was like super pumped about cooking and sharing their food photos right. Remember that and like a million months later. No one's posting their food photos anymore. Because we're all so frigging sick of cooking. I know at least for me. I just need variety my meals. And i can't -ccomplish that by just cooking. That is why gobble is the perfect meal delivery solution because you can whip up delicious and healthy meals in fifteen minutes or less goblin. Listen army of sous chefs that do the time consuming work for you and we just tried the me so glazed salmon and was divine. Everything comes with pre portioned fresh ingredients such as already chopped veggies spice blends and perfectly summer sauces. Just pick meals from gobbles extensive menu each week including a variety of flavors classic dishes global recipes and delicious vegetarian options plus a line of lean and clean recipes featuring low calorie and low carb options. And by the way they also have breakfast and desserts. Yes that's right. See what a difference. Gobble will make for your household. They're offering our listeners. This fantastic limited time deal for six meals for just thirty. Six dollars plus free shipping. That's dinner for two people for three nights offer. Just thirty six bucks. An offer only available through gobble dot com slash dateable. Get this special offer. Now by going to gobble dot com slash dat ab ellie for six meals. Thirty six bucks. This episode is brought to you by thrive 'cause medics we all know that when it comes to beauty products. They're just so many choices. But we're going to make the choice simple for you. Try thrive cosmetics a line of high performance award winning products that are both vegan and cruelty free plus for every product. You buy they donate to help. A woman thrive there clinically proven formulas highlight your best features and improve your skin overtime. All thrive products are formulated without parabens selfish and ballads. Those of you who've been listening to us for a while know that we are obsessed with the liquid lash extensions best peschiera a best selling product. That's sold every five seconds. I've totally given up lash extensions since using this mascara. This flake free smudge free and clump. Free mascara has more than eleven thousand five star reviews and one glamorous clean beauty products of twenty twenty award for the best mascara start thriving and help women in need today by going to thrive cosmetics dot com slash. Dateable for fifteen percent off your first purchase. That's thrive see a u. s. e. medics dot com slash. T. e. a. b. l. e. for fifteen percent off your first purchase thrive cosmetics dot com slash. Dateable put it up at our facebook group and she's like regardless of what you where you stand on this. You gotta give women credit for their like you know like raining in its stock or status like wow and i say stocker dot as a bad thing but i was looking up someone with a friend and i found them within like two seconds. They were like how did you do this. And i'm like survival of the fittest. This isn't even dr anymore. That's just collecting information protection. It's protecting yourself but anyways regardless of where you stand. I feel like those her. It would be a red flag to me if someone was not willing to have a conversation regardless of where they stood on it like i like. How can you not be seeing. What's going on right now Yup why should you limit yourself to certain topics and other topics are more important to you or when you're passionate about something obviously avoid topics you don't want to talk about but there there's no again. No universal rule for these are not things you should discuss on a state. We've actually had questions like this in our facebook group. Can't should i not talk about politics on a first date. Well it's important to you. You better fudging talk about it right then. You need to get to know the other person they need to know what you stand for to well. We did have a dating coach. Actually chime in on the facebook group and i remember him saying like the point is to avoid conflict. And keep your options open.

00:20:02 - 00:25:09

That's why historically these are topics that were conflict driven. And that's why dating coaches akiva. Invention most state coaches would recommend staying away from these topics in. I think the feedback was like that is in the like not in modern day like ninety judicial worlds and i think ultimately like it depends how important it is to you to like for religion. Like if you know that you need to be married to someone of the same religion to you or like you know that religion like either to people being atheist or two people being super involved is essential for you. Why would you wait till like date. Five to figure that out. It's not as important to you may be then. It could wait. And i'm sorry. Conflict avoidance is a little different than i guess. Date etiquette to me like dr alexandra solomon has said this on our show who teaches the one of the most popular classes on northwestern's call marriage wanna one she says relationships are made up of conflicts. Because it's within conflicts where we can observe each other and it's how you navigate your relationship out out of conflict. That's most telling so if you are creating conflict on a first date. It's very telling how the other person reacts to it and how you get out of it. It's it's only conflict when both people become defensive and make it conflict one hundred percent at yeah. I think it's also like if someone doesn't wanna talk about it like asking them why they don't wanna talk about it too in non just being like. Oh we're not gonna talk about this. Ever like maybe. There is a valid reason. I don't wanna like discount anyone. That's not willing to talk about it to like. Maybe there is something that's going on for them. But until you have that conversation how would you even know what's happening exactly communicate. That's it here. Here comes another one another piece of advice. This one's kind of a big one. Okay might be controversial. it's you deserve better. You need to go out there and find someone who you deserve. And i hate the word deserve because it's entitlement just because you have your shit together just because are high powered individual or whatever doesn't mean that you're entitled to everything you still have to work for it so this piece of vice really bothers me and i've heard it from multiple experts and just girlfriends general. Where like now you deserve better. You deserve the best. No you you gotta work. It takes two people to work in a relationship so it doesn't just poof. Just because you have your life together that someone will just be dropped. You by stork doesn't work like that. No you don't deserve better. You got work to get better. Also what is better mean. Yeah it's usually tied to like having a better job or you know being better looking. It's not really stuff that actually matters in a relationship. If someone's treating you like shit then yeah maybe you do deserve better for that. But like i don't think that's usually isn't the context when people are using it like. I think it's usually used in like a go. Get you know. Go get that cream of the crop type of thing and also even in your example of someone's treating you like shit. You chose to be with that person so it's not so much you deserve better is that you got to take control and get out of that room and recognize that eating out of that relationship because it's not like someone's forcing you to be with someone who is toxic to you so i know there's a lot of layers to this and it may be but no there's no don't feel entitled in life just because you're successful as certain things and you feel like you do you. Are you like you deserve better than the average person you don't. There's still takes effort. Yeah i mean there are search situations of late domestic abuse insertive short. Make it hard to get out. So i don't want to underline that one hundred percent that it's easy to just get out and do that. But i really don't think that's usually what dating coaches are saying. When they're saying you should do better or you deserve better. It's usually like some sort of status symbol Yup yup she retake wide war. Quick break before we get into the final ones. Yeah here is a message from our sponsor next up another one for me. Julie got it other one this. What drives me crazy. Dote text back right away first of all as somewhat odd the receive again. I'm going to lose interest if days and days go by in. You're not texting me back. I'm not going to be like. Oh my god. They texted back really quick. I've now lost interest. If i was already mediocre. They text back fast than maybe. But if i'm into them and they text back fast that's even better so it really comes down to like it's kind of like equating sex in a way like people always say that just because you've sex quickly usually it it get a if the relationship wasn't there to begin with then sex isn't going to help it or it's not gonna hurt.

00:25:10 - 00:30:03

I think texting is kind of the same way. Like if you're texting back really quick in your giving your all that's not going to hurt it. If it's already a good footing it goes back to what we said earlier. Why pretend you don't have interest in someone that you have interest in if you want to text them back you should take some back. That's common courtesy. Of course if you are not really into them and maybe you're trying to delay this tax where you're trying to tell them something that they may not want to hear again. Understand that but this is in the context of like trying to gain interest and try to win over someone it just again. It's like this temporary fix. That may may gain their attention for one hour. And they're like i. This is interesting but then you're not building a strong relationship at all. no. I hate that one. Because i've done it. I've done it. I've been like counting down the hours you know. It's only been an hour. We're gonna wait another hour. Can i make another hour. No we're gonna make it three hours. What's doing for you creating more anxiety in my own body. And then if they're doing it and then you do it. Basically just like this endless loop of noah showing their face and their feelings for each other and then just dies basically. I used to think of this. I had this idea for an esa. Snl skit where two people are competing to see how delayed they can text each other back to the point. Where like one person. It takes like a year sickly that happen. It's just gonna keep like everyone out does each other like oh. They waited an hour away three hours. They waited ten years. Twenty bitches right god. That is such a turnoff. Such a turnoff. Yup don't yeah and we're all so much on our phones these days come on like don't take that long to text back. I think also too. It was like back in the day. There was to show that you had a life and i think now like you were saying. Everyone's on their phones so you could still have a life. People are texting. Yeah it's just fucking rude. Still do it right. You don't see it for an hour. That's one thing but if you like see it and then purposely don't respond an hour later like you're just fucking with yourself in them yeah. I can't deal with that. No murderer that to murray bearing that this is my last one. This one really irks me to especially geared towards women. I've heard this advice is don't come off to intimidating. Don't talk about your accomplishments. Your career don't talk about anything you've done that he may find competitive for him and just only talk about like food and travel. You know the neutral things. That's so much why is why is that even a piece of advice that has gotten through all filters like i hate them by god that you only have one more but we could probably go on for this little. 'cause this is bad bad advice. I think also. It's like i've been. I don't know it's like one of those things like if you if that's not who you are and why would you want someone to like fall for someone that you're not in a way like you're just suppress your career ambitions because now you have someone interested in you like that's kind of messed up. Yeah and then. I always hear like Women say well. I'm have a bad time dating because men find intimidating so then it becomes an excuse right like oh man find me intimidating and i just don't think that's the one that's not an accurate excuse and if someone finds you intimidating. Obviously they're not the right partner for you especially in a world now where we're all relate champions for each other which i would hope that there is no such thing as intimidations more about growth right that someone you meet someone who challenges you to grow into be better not someone that you are scared of. Yeah i think also. It's like one of those things that i don't. I agree that like maybe you don't bring that to a date to talk about work the entire time because then it can start to feel networking and there isn't like romantic across action per se when it's like a networking event that's not because you can have a high power job or you love what you do and i think you can bring in what you love about your job but like everything else that needs to be balanced with other topics because at the end of the day like a date moore mandic partnership is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to alleviate stress you want someone that's gonna support your ambitions of course but it can't be like a job interview either or like a network networking event. Well yes this is specifically related to a girlfriend of mine.

00:30:03 - 00:34:10

Who is a successful startup founder. Who hired a matchmaker slash dating coach to help her with her profile. And the coaches specifically told her not to say she does Instead she had her changed her occupation to nurse or teacher said those released intimidating and Said that her match rate would go up and that men would be would find her more appealing and attractive and i almost threw up when she told me this. First of all i was like you're paying thousands of dollars for this matchmaker. Who's telling you to undermine everything you've done in your life and to why wh- if a guy can't handle what you have currently accomplished than you're basically it's like bamboozling someone to into your life and then see like ooh. Sorry i why she can say when she's like. I'm not a nurse lake exactly who who cares about that. That's the other thing. It's not a numbers game. You're not trying to match with as many people as possible. You're just trying to get the right matches exactly really bothers me that one. Yeah i mean. I think it's definitely something that i've thought about to it like goes through my head a lot like. Is it going to be intimidated that we do this. Podcast is going to be intimidated. And now i've kind of gotten to the point that i'm like i'm just gonna put it out early because i would rather someone be on board with it and excited by it not turned off by it because it's not like it's a part of my life like i'm not going to just shut things off. That's who i am. Yeah yeah no definitely talked about. The podcast. Should be proud of it. It's such a big part of who you are all right. Those are top bad dating advice. That we've heard from dating experts and coaches all around. We'd love to hear some bad advice. You've gotten throughout the years. Definitely reach out to us either on instagram at dateable podcasts. Or email us. Hello at dateable. Podcasts dot com. Also if you love us because we love you please give a good rating and apple. Podcasts that five stars goes along way for us. It's like ammunition and fuel for what we do and we can just keep cranking out even better content faster content with awesome guests all the way through. So thank you for those of you who've given us reviews if you haven't yet super simple apple podcasts. Five stars may be rilo something like a little love note to us. We appreciate that. We've read them. All we love him. I think what other thing is. Yeah like if you're already. In the facebook group we know janice are moderators. Gonna put a post of about the worst day to advice. You've ever got it so look forward to seeing ones. They're just a reminder to that we have the love and the time of corona group is our free facebook group than the sounding board. Is the group when you wanna take it up a notch and you want to really get those connections and you want to really develop and deepen yourself when it comes to data your relationship so look out the if you're not already in the facebook group definitely join in. All righty led to wrap this up stray ball the dateable. Podcast is part of the frolic. Podcast network find more podcast. You'll love at frolic dot media slash podcast. Want to continue the conversation. I follow us on instagram facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcast tag as an any post with the hashtag. Stay dateable entrust us. We look at all those then head over to our website. Dateable podcasts dot com. There you'll find all the episodes as well as articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts you can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums roseau downloadable for free. On spotify apple podcasts. Google play overcast. Stitcher radio and other podcasts. Platforms your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable.

Hello everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating where we dig a little bit deeper than just stories. We want to get to the bottom of why people behave the way they do. Including your own behaviors. This is our second bonus episode while still in the off season so you just got us but we have re a really great episode planned out for you because we're doing predictions dating predictions for twenty twenty one who doesn't watch us. God thank you. Thank you my own limiting beliefs. That people may be just. Don't wanna hear from us but yeah this is going to be really fun. We did this. Twenty twenty one of these prediction episodes. And i think some stuff actually ironically came true. We didn't dicked more video. Deavere that we we did that. We did not predict covert and we did not know. That video ad surged because of. But i'd already cova. That's true even nikki nova who we talked to. That's a medium. Said that like she would never have predicted kobe. era so i will give some credit that that is one of those things that no one could have predicted but i excited to do our twenty twenty one because we have a little more insight this year you know unfortunately on january first things did not get one hundred percent better. I think we all knew that that it was to just go away. So yeah we're we're going to look at dating trance with a covid viewpoint here and you know. We'll do like a mix of predictions for still pre vaccine and impose vaccine. 'cause i can't also be very different trends by. We'll won't take account into all of those situations. But julian are coming off of high. 'cause we just saw each other at the after not seeing each other for a really long time weeks. Yeah six weeks. At least. Because i left six weeks ago so maybe even longer longer. I think it's been probably yeah. It's a really long time and it just happened to be a gorgeous day san francisco. We sat out in the park super. Save with our masks on too. So that's on the record but it was really nice to see each other and just shoot the shit. I forget what it's like to just shoot the shit with someone. It's hard to video because you don't like over video you're staring at each other. It's not like oh did you hear about so. And so because it. Doesn't you feel like you have to fill in Have dead air but in person you can have to silence and then be like. Oh i just remember this. Yep and you don't need to talk about our baby dateable what's no. Oh my gosh we forgot about. Oh we did talk about janice getting your sweatshirt. that was the one thing that's come up but yes we did not talk about our baby but like any healthy relationship. Sometimes you got to put yourself. I recognize. I know we let our baby serving. That's okay just for one day for the sake of our own relationship. We need quality time together. How hot did look in our sweat shirts. so hot. we make any supermodel. The reason why janice came up china's you're listening the reason you came up as we were with a couple other friends to was like whoever was rocking that like she didn't know janice she's like whoever was rocking that sweatshirt on your instagram and really sold that socially distant yet emotionally available. One and i wanna get one now. So that's a lot to sell sweat shirt. Swisher looked odd hot and it is acted janice. Let me know. This is her first sweatshirt. She's ever owned. I'm like girl. where have you been. It's kovin. I have a whole closet of sweat shirts now. I know i'm really tempted to buy myself one of those. I feel like that thing looked really comfortable and really nice. So it's that's why it's cozy and the colors are really great. Yeah thanks remodeling that for us. Yeah i mean shameless plug again for our merged store but definitely get on it. We're gonna do this thing that you know. Every so often will keep some of like the tried and true designs than really are like the ones that everyone really loves. but we're going to rotate new stuff in and out and we're also going to do a crowd sourced experiment we got. This idea will give a credit jasmine one of our members. She had this idea to like crowd source of you. Know like merch slogans. Because there's been so many great ones like masturbating or You know i. I'll give us credit for zuhdi calls because we actually know it came under our it so there is a request through zuhdi calls on march.

00:05:10 - 00:10:07

So we're gonna do a crowd source kind of like who could come up with the best slogan and they'll win some sort of merch and it will also be available for everyone else to get on it too. I never thought that we would become t shirt designers. But this is our job with with dateable. It's really cool because it helps. Because we're i think we're both creative people. And now we get to exercise that part of our brain and julie's impeccable with design because she is a designer by trade so we have these wonderful designs up on the merge store. Definitely check that out if you haven't yet yep dateable podcast dot com slash shop. That's our own plug. Yup at another plug that will do is sounding board. We've had so many amazing. I mean the group is growing like it was. Yeah it's been wonderful to see everyone like we've been getting a lot of the people that have been regulars in the love the love in the time of corona group. Which is the free group. So i think there has been a little bit of confusion. The free group look for love in the time of corona. You still do need to cut alike. Tell us who you are. So we don't let total ranya but then the sounding board is really worth things. Take a take it up a notch. We have the dateable after show with logan yuri. Who is the director of relationship. Science at hinge like. She's writing a book that's coming out. We're going to have her back on the podcasts. And getting ready for that. But i was thinking about it after an unlike you a you and i take this for granted like how many cool people were able to talk to this podcast. But i'm like this is pretty frigging cool that like people were able to like interact with someone like logan in this like intimate setting. Like where else can you do stuff like that. So we have daughter. Abigail left this month coming up which is going to be amazing so i think it was our top performing episode. It was how you're wired for relationships. All about schema so again like who can like it. Amazing opportunity to be with these people have such high caliber and also we just launched this event. We're going to do in february. it's going to be called the most dateable competition. Twenty twenty one. I hate using the word pageant. But we couldn't think of a better word is a co coed competition you'll go through rounds including talent and q. And a. where we will crown one person as most dateable for twenty twenty one so you have to be in our facebook group in order to see all the details and to submit your video. We are making decisions. By the end of january of six candidates that will go on to compete in the final round so excited. And that's gonna be our february avenge for the sounding board members so if you're sounding board member and we have to tears that go to events for them like he'll be free and then for everyone that's at the france level will like have some sort of upgrade. That's cheaper than if you were to tickets as a one off. So if you've been kind of considering sounding board this could be a good intro to an event but also if you're like a basically ready to go you'll you'll be getting a better deal if you actually just joined the sounding board so again dateable. Podcast dot com slash sounding board giving you all the url dateable podcast dot com. It's all there what i love about. This group is something might idle. Tim ferriss said some so do she. To say tim ferriss. Mind really is thought may lee was your idol. My yeah she. She's who i want to be. Tim ferriss as like the voice. I have in my head all the time. And he says this. And it's just i think it's so compelling he says spend your life talking to people who get it instead of trying to convince people who don't get it. Oh god and love. Our community is because everyone gets if you give them. The group look at discussions. You're like these are my peeps. I don't need lane who i am. It's like people just get it. That's laws group. I know now it's like holding me too high of a standard. What i meet people. That aren't at the like emotional. Iq is a word we hear all the time or e q. I feel like now when i meet people. That aren't at the same level as our people in the tampa kuroda and sounding board. I'm like can you just be like them. Yeah just join our group and get influence exactly. That's basically what it is. I love the us. You're talking about like a movie that you were watching it. You're like it kind. What was it like the sex club on your like no the vow on hbo. Max oh people are going to judge me the vow the vow. A documentary about sex nexium. It is started as a leadership development program landmark like tony robbins as well so you get the way they get you.

00:10:07 - 00:15:04

Which is i think. It's legit is that they help you get over your limiting believes and they help you really accept yourself to move forward. Reach your full potential. I was like this is the same shit we talk about in a sounding board except the sex part. We we don't do a we haven't we haven't explored that part of our business yet. We just got too much but maybe sex call be next for twenty twenty two starts a sex call. Just kidding we'll be like a like a vid pod sex cult we got we got like quarantine together but then we just freely have sexually each other. It's not a genius. There's a name for these they're called fuck pods. I didn't know this pass. only tiffany. Haddish had to tell us all about that in had netflix special. Would your beloved departed. Years party one. Beloved nosair yes. Yes that was a great a great special things for tiny onto that julie. It's a it's a special on that flakes where seven comedians get up at. The scene is like a funeral and now saying goodbye to one thing from twenty twenty and it's just hilarious is so funny but yeah tiffany. Haddish's was casual sex. Basically like dow. I found myself in a relation. Also we won't give it all away guy should check it out sex pods ed. What should i be insulted. That i haven't been invited ten seconds and this one girl's like to i know like that's the point. I'm sorry who has watched it. You're probably like what the fuck are they talking about. This makes no sense. Or if you are a sex pod please reach out because we love to have you on the podcast next season. We should try to find someone. I'd love to talk about sex pods in all serious. We we've got it feedback from some people that they want more sex topics alike. Let's hear mike who has some good ones like we've gone to virtual sex parties we've done real life sex parties but lake sex pods like maybe there's some other stuff out there like let's let's hear it from you all. It's not a bad idea. I'm telling you it's not yeah. Call six pod tomato tomato but we will be talking about sex in our predictions. We're gonna we're gonna kick them off right now. We have five main ones of course are other predictions. We made before we get into our predictions gears. A message from our sponsor magic spoon. I really love that. The current trend is all about healthy eating. But i have to cutting down on carbs and sugar has been especially difficult for me so when i heard about a serial with zero sugar. Eleven grams of protein and only three net grams of carbs in each serving. I was like Sold y'all this not magic. This is magic spoon of delicious tasting. Cereal that is almost too good to be true about. I've already given out like five boxes to friends. Because i'm like please trying to stop talking about it today right. I was trying to sell it to our friend because there are four yummy flavors. Cocoa fruity frosted and blueberry tall kito friendly gluten-free green. Free soy free low carb. Gmo free and frankly guilt free. I'm currently loving the blueberry flavor because it tastes like a summer day after the rain. You know what i mean. So i know that you guys wanna get on this so go to magic spoon dot com slash dateable to grab a variety pack and try it today and be sure to use our promo code dateable checkout to save five dollars off your order and magic spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with a one hundred percent happiness guarantee so we don't like it for any reason they'll refund your money. No questions asked again. That's magic spoon. Dot com slash. Dateable for five dollars off. This episode is also brought to you by better. Help our sponsor for the new year. What are some things that you like to change in your life to find more happiness. Maybe you what do you think is preventing you from achieving your goals. The simple answer is prioritizing. Your mental health. We adaptable are huge. Fans of therapy and better help can match you with your own licensed therapists and connect you in a safe and private online environment. I was able to start communicating with my therapist in less than forty eight hours with better help. They're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches and more affordable than traditional offline counseling. They're licensed professionals specialize in everything from new year resolutions and stress anxiety trauma depression grief and for the new year. We wish for all of you to live your happiest life. That's why as a listener you'll get ten percent off your first month by visiting our sponsor at better help dot com slash dateable. Join over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health again. That's better help. Spelled h. e. l. p. dot com slash dat ab l. e. again. This is no magic. Eight ball is just seeing all the behaviors and patterns from the previous year.

00:15:04 - 00:20:06

We think this is the aftermath of two thousand twenty and dating will be like in twenty twenty one in the context of vaccine and post vaccine so he and post so. Let's start with the first one. This is this is just such a normal prediction. It's like a given video days will become a normal thing. It's it's part of the process before you just message online and then you meet up in person. Now there's another step of video and before people were very shy about video and now become a norm that it's part of the process of dating. Now i mean i love it. I actually started off via. Like i don't know because i had some like earlier video dates that i just felt like they felt so awkward right and i'm like i don't wanna like we have this whole discussion. I remember asking you like. Hey like didn't feel great about it on video but like maybe it's video like a medium. It was just hard to tell. But i've actually had some. That have had a lot of like chemistry through video. And i think it's totally possible. Yeah it's not gonna be fireworks for say like it's not like you can have that physical touch and all that but i think you can really gauge. If there's something there and it just makes you a lot more excited to meet up in real life. And i think that's what was missing for modern datings that everyone was so like disposable and expendable and now i know i was guilty of it at some point that like i was like. I don't even save this person's name like at my phone. I may never see them again. Like what's the point. Even doing that is a terrible attitude. I would much rather have less states but go in excited about who. I'm actually meeting. It just means that i. Irl dates will become more coveted. So there is a ramp up to meeting up in person and videos par that ramp up so that you meet with people in real life but those people are the ones you're really excited about. I also love that. Most people now have a ring light. An external microphone like everyone has their virtual video date thing down there like oh need this background totally angle of so much more comfortable with it now to that i was like before like video in general but i think everyone's getting there like it's definitely like for work to people in their work. Lives like for us. Podcast we have to do it video but even like just like office jobs. Like video is the norm. So thing but yeah. I think it's a good thing. Because i don't know if this is on yearly departed to. I've just been watching too much net flicks by at for six weeks. But i'm back now. Obviously but i like it was something guys watching their like. Who has time to put on makeup. Get dressed like go across town to like meet someone that could be a total dud. And it's true it's like the so much time and that's what gets people. Burnt out on defeating is when they kind of sure. Ning one after another and things don't ever seem to work out. So i would so much rather you know like with zoom you can put on virtual makeup but even just putting like bear bait makeup on getting dressed from the waist op is backload. Easier right yeah. You don't have to account for the time. The commute time of getting there. You don't have to worry about how you smell like. It's just so much easier to do. Virtual dates and i also feel like if those people who are reluctant to do video dates are going to have less dates in twenty one totally believe that totally or even the good old fashioned phone like there's something about even starting their they get ready at all. It's wonderful and then if there's chemistry there then you can upgrade to a video day. But i think what i'm starting to see twenty twenty one. Now there were at the very start. Is that people. Don't wanna do like endless video dates right right. I think it's like let's do one. Let's screen let's see if this is like has some potential in if so then let's meet up the gonna meet up with every last person but we're not going to spend our lives on video like like even okay like san francisco at la or like probably the most extreme that nothing's open but even there in those places like you can still go to a park or do something. And i think in other places. Although i will say other places have weather not working for them. California by be shut shutdown right now but we have weather in our favor that makes it a lot easier to do stuff so maybe people in like places that are cold might do more video dates to like at least see. If it's worth taking that risk to meet someone like in an indoor capacity. Yeah some ways. Safer and speaking of safety shall we go onto our second produce safety. I come odd verse. Dateable is all about safety. Kids vaccination ges on online dating profiles.

00:20:06 - 00:25:01

We've already seen them with the political badges. Now we think there's going to be testing badges. Have i been vaccinated. Am i going to get vaccinated. And this will become very polarizing political and people will condemn each other for whatever they choose but at least four. Whatever you choice you do make with the vaccination. You will feel very strongly about. You can't be like middle of the road for something like this. Go either way if someone sticks a needle in my body. Whatever i give accident. It's not you have to make a conscious choice. Absolutely i think like i mean yeah i think people are going to put it in their profile for schirn like i think they will come out like maybe there will be a badge like i can see like bumble had like the type of data. Are you comfortable with like video for socially distanced. So i could definitely see a badge being created but i think people are going to spell it out or it's gonna be a very early conversation starter for sure. I think that really. I mean there's a lot in terms of just like the safety and comfort but also just like how you view the world in like what there's a lot that's interesting there. Well this whole testing and vaccination movement will open up this entire like testing sort of mentality so people are going to get tested for sti tested for this this and that because they want the. It's nice having the power to know your results. And i think that's what like the cova. Testing has trained us to do is wanting to know what is happening in our body. Yeah so we also put up a poll question and poll in our facebook group in addition to you and i coming up with our predictions and alexa also wrote daters will sti testing more seriously because they realized the power of testing power knowing these results. So i think a lot of people are think thinking that way for sure. Yeah it's good to know right you wanna know either way and now. Personal safety is a priority. We know that now and with kovic you realize you start seeing your your consequences now. No it's contagious. And you know. Your health can impact someone else's health. Yeah i mean. I think also just like i like at variance this recently. That i'm like. I could do a socially distance date but i feel like there is still like an awkwardness to it like. You're not really do some like the touch chicken like the stuff that you would do before and the signals that you would say that way. So i feel like having the task could at least put you at ease to kind. Act more like you did in pre covid times when the vaccine even more to that shows that you care about the other person that you're going on a date with all right. It's a sign of respect. I really think so. Then our our third prediction yeah. Let's move on so meeting people online. That's not through these dating apps. I know everyone's still on the apps. But i think through quarantine people have noticed there many other ways to meet people that could turn into romantic relationships. That aren't branded as dating. Yup i think this is a big one and we actually said this at our earlier predictions or we did it on the episode with jordan abraham about like just stayed in general. I think was on our earlier predictions too. But we talked. About how like apps. Start to simulate real life a bit more you know and i think we have seen that especially now where virtual is the way of life like we've seen it in our facebook group. I think that's been one of the most you know like doing the weekly happy hours like a way that one of our members i forget who said this was like it's like like shalah lied because you could like jump. Yeah like by that. Go that far but yes like there is like it was kind of like a house party that you could jump into different rooms and you know like if felt like that and we. We talked to a few people on episodes last year like we had captured. Who talked about meeting someone on clubhouse which is an app that's really blowing up people. Discussing apparently One girl like put herself in a room and was like who wants to date be if people could come in it was incredible and audio only audio only but people are using it for dating which is incredible and then tiktok we had our couple that met through tiktok start of season eleven. So people are definitely using this. I mean people have always kind of crept into dm's on facebook and instagram. But i think it's even more now because dating apps are not for everyone. I personally still think they are a great way to meet people. You would not have that. I get that. There's a lot of notes like this.

00:25:01 - 00:30:00

There is a toxic side that really drained. Certain people who who and i can see why people don't want to like put themselves out there too as like a personal ad like i think it is different. People have different comfort with it but at the reality is it's very difficult to meet people in real life and it probably is going to be through twenty twenty one like with the vaccine coming out. I can't imagine people like coming up and being in each other's faces match with strangers and like being like super like seductive people they've never met nelson feel like that's gonna happen anytime soon so i do think that we're going to start to like find more and more of these avenues that feel like real life that are online and it's a relief to know that online dating is not the end all be all to meet people is just one avenue and you've gotta diversifying your portfolio. You know what. I mean salihi. Exactly i mean i think people have said people always said it's good to meet people that have similar interests to. Yeah i think more interest based groups are going to start to pop up like meat like kinda like meet up but like online more. And i mean it up. I think has always been one of those things. That people say is a good idea in theory. It like doesn't translate as well. But i think with technology like you can actually start to filter people with similar values and interests and like do other things than just kind of a random. Let's all meet up with no background. And i think there could start to be like an explosion of apps that let people need off common interest but also other factors. It's all about community. And that's what nicky nobody. She predicted that for us to its community. That's how you're going to grow your brand and that's how you're going to grow your network to if you're dating so i really liked that prediction before we get to four and five. We're going to take a break for a message from our sponsor. Here's a special message from our sponsor. Gobble do you remember at the beginning of the pandemic win. Everyone was like super pumped about cooking and sharing their food photos. Right remember that and like a million months later. No one's posing their food photos anymore because we're all so frigging sick of cooking. I know at least for me. Just need variety and my meals and i can't accomplish bat bhai cooking on my own. That is gobble. Is the perfect meal delivery solution because you can whip up delicious and healthy meals in fifteen minutes or less gobble. Listen army of sous chefs that do the time consuming work for you. And we just tried the glazed salmon and was divine. Everything comes with pre portioned fresh ingredients such as already chop veggies spice blends perfectly summer sauces. 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That's thrive c. a. u. s. e. medics dot com slash d. a. t. e. l. e. for fifteen percent off awesome. So let's get into those predictions so number four we think that hookup culture is coming back. Said fetching i dow in twenty twenty we said hookup culture has gone away but i. We think that people have had a lot of pent up sexual energy to make a lot.

00:30:02 - 00:35:01

I don't think it will come back like immediately. I think it will be post. Vaccines probably like part of the year. But i do think people are going to be a little more. Especially if they are cut discerning. The dates a little more on video to begin with. I think that sexist got happen in those early days because people quite frankly need the physical intimacy and touch. But it will. No i feel like with the hookup. Culture a won't be blurred lines. It will be very clear. Wins a hookup. In fact i think people will be like you know. I'm just in this. Were hooking up. I just i really just want aspects which is nice there are no mixed signals. Everyone sort of like wanting that affection so why not just put it out there yet or even if it does blossom into relationship i think just saxl will be on the table way earlier. Yeah that yeah. I see that. Yeah there is. I think people agree with this. There was someone in our group We're gonna we'll we'll go through some of the groups predictions after all sprinkle in a couple that are relevant. There was one about one person said like roaring twenties style day. And i feel like we've been saying this for a while so that came from sukanya But there is one about fuck boys that i wanna read. Oh i love talking about fox news. Things will be back. Julie are is making actually totally agree with what aaron put up here. Is that all the fuck boys are gonna come going to come out in full show this summer thinking they have the best summer ever but after over. A year of lockdown Away from them. women will walk the other way. Oh i agree. I think Back when there's a vaccine there'll be like yep. I can just come into people's lives at have casual ex and do whatever but i do think that like the work that we've all done isn't going to just magically disappear so i totally agree with that and i think like with this whole hookup culture coming back in it. Hook up. culture gets a bad rap like we always think like a negative to that. And i do think though it doesn't need to be a negative like if both people are on board and people are more like upfront about their feelings early on whether it's for casual sex or that they're just ready to like take the plunge into something. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. I don't think i don't. I don't actually think the fuck boys will come back in full force. I f- i feel like because we've been self isolating for so long that these fuck boys have been doing a lot of internal work and they're realizing. I'm only saying this because i've talked to fuck boys enduring this quick this time to be like how are you doing. Are you feeling. And they had feelings. They only had feelings and one guy admitted to me. he's like i realize i'm just really lonely. That's why i'm desperate for this kind of cat and mouse chase. But he he feels like he is seeing dating a little differently because he's connecting more with this feelings. I'm not saying all fucked. Boys have gone through this transformation but i think having that time of self isolation has helped a lot of them evolve. I do actually think that people are still going to be relationship minded even if hookup culture is back in the picture because i agree. I think the loneliness that a lot of people have felt have sean shed a light on the importance of relationships and i think that like i think things will just move faster like in with physical like i think things are moving fast now but not with the physical side always and i think that will just kinda start to catch up and come into that picture. Bit more well. That's a very nice way to transition to our last trend prediction for twenty twenty one right. Yeah of basically that signals are totally changing. Only totally it used to just be like three drinks and some lake touching for me. I'm like yeah i know. I know it's like it's also. I feel like on video dates like it's really hard to know how things are vibing. 'cause there's no signal at all with touch so i think it's really we're going to have to work on our verbal skills more. I think it's really nice when someone say on a video or even a text after like how good a time they had how excited they are to meet you. Whatever that may be like. I think we do need to rely on verbal which has been missing from dating people are always ear to say how they feel and put it out there and they play a dumb games and i think it could be a good thing that we have to rely on other senses a little more. It's such an unprecedented time. That people can't rely on those like dushi. Pick up artists to be like. Oh if he or she does this.

00:35:01 - 00:40:08

It means are interested right. Because we've never been in this predicament. Before so now we actually have to communicate with consent and and also a lot of this is. We haven't seen people's mouths in so long in person that even seeing a mouth close up is going to be a little shocking for some people. I think what. I've heard from some of my friends who are dating again. They're like i feel like. I'm dating from scratch and learning everything from scratch. Like gone are the days when someone just goes in for the kill it like. I can't even imagine if someone that now without asking. Oh my gosh you be like hell no get away. what are you doing. yeah. I went to get like a to go drink. Because that's all that's open in the skylight like got really in my mind and my friends face. I was like this was so it appropriate like he was interacting. Like you used to do back in the night and now you've this the memo here that you just can't do that anymore. Oh no. I don't want someone touching me at all y. Like especially if we have no we haven't had any like dates or any reporter like just someone ran him at a bar like that is now happening. You know get away from me. Even stand to be. I came and watched those scenes. You know when people are too close together. I'm like oh my god. This person just spitting on the other person's face. I mean i think bars and clubs and all that stuff i mean we can go into a hold of the rant on that so we'll save that for another day but i think those are going to look very very different than they are today as well and maybe in twenty twenty two. It will come back. But i don't think twenty twenty one will have the same like social interactions and venues that we once did. Yeah and i think just how we explained that the in real life dates will be the coveted date and with the ramp up. I think it's the same with the kiss. I think there's just going to be a lot of ramp up to that. I kiss because you've got to have a conversation. I young quarantine. who have you seen. Are you seeing other people. Happy be physical with them. These conversations you gotta like check the boxes. Are you go tump to tongue some or even request a test like vigorous like a lot of things that you could do that would make i mean the testing's never one hundred percent but it's still going to give you a better sense then if you have nothing at all. I more comfortable absolutely absolutely. That's it that's our top five predictions for twenty twenty one. I feel pretty good about this list. Of course yeah. Just like twenty twenty. There were a lot of surprises along the way so who knows what else i know. We're like oh yeah we got it because we know where we're coming from but who knows nope in two thousand eight hundred twenty twenty vision we got this and then everyone's like Twenty percent fuck that she. We re some of the predictions Let me read some of them. Some really good ones. We were able to kind of put some of them in. But i thought this was interesting. And i totally see this from nicolay cove engagements break up and there were some comments on this one. Basically how you know. A lot of people have been entering relationships because of loneliness in they may realize when the vaccine calms or were out of this that they don't necessarily really love this person or like them. They're just didn't on convenience so that doesn't happen to people. But i could see. I mean. I think there'll be some that aren't some that are just like any other break-up well i think back in the day when people interrelationships recall it the sunday test. Could you spend a whole sunday with this person doing nothing but now people are entering relationships with the quarantine tests. Could i imagine quarantining with this person for months. And that's a much higher hurdle to to get over. Yeah i mean. I think that he's saying the opposite though although they've been you know now when things open up again. There's going to be all this temptation and you're gonna look at your partner and be like did i really wanted. I want us. But i also see what you're saying that like it could actually be a much stronger foundation. I think it really comes down to like. How much are you using. Didi to fill a void are using it like because you're just lonely and you need anyone or you're using it like the quarantine tasks like i'm going to be super selective with who i let in euros ones will probably be the ones that last hopefully hopefully What about this one. I think Yen said i think once people are vaccinated. There'll be a lot of a way dates to get out of town. No more like a netflix. And chill at home and conflicted about this one. Because now i realize. I'm i'm such a homebody so a perfect date for me. Now is no longer adventuring in peru for perfect date for me is being a home selecting a movie drinking a nice bottle of wine julie.

00:40:08 - 00:45:13

By the way. I started drinking wine. Which is what you injuries. Why now it's it's a big leap for me. I love it. I love it so i don't know i'm conflicted about that one so you wanna go to wine country. Don't you ought to get out of the house like i. I don't okay. So i i agree. I've never been a homebody. I've never described myself that way. But over this time. I have not really minded that aspect that much and i'm like wait. Maybe i am more introverted than i ever thought but that being said i was like with my friend did. She like literally throughout the worst. I've far in san francisco. She's like dot and let's just remind you that before covid. We're like we would never be caught dead at the bus stop. She's like what are we give to go to the bus. Stop right now. That i think sums it up because i think about it all the time. Like what would i give to. Just be at like a bar touching like interacting with a date. The way i use to back in the day. I wanna go out like i do want to do all this stuff so i see where you're coming from on this one. Can we just paint the picture for bus. Stop because i feel every city has a. It's called the bus stop. You're already kind of get a sense of how janki this places because it's supposed to be like face don't stay. You're just there to wait for here. Bus to go to the next place. The bus is a place where you go and your feet are immediately stuck to the ground. So you know it's dirty dirtiest fuck and my first experience of my first and only experience at bus stop. Was i caught to like twenty. Some year olds doing line to the bathroom. And then coming out be like and then the other like go to more coke so they went back and did work. Okay i was like awesome good for you. And then the third aspect of bus stop is nobody ever goes. Hey what are you doing tonight. Do you want to go to bus. Stop. it's not like you know it's not a product. You're not like planning your night around bus. Stop you're just like you're drunk. You are desperate. You're horny and you go. where should we go. I'm bus stop. Hey you know what that sounded pretty good to me right I'm just kidding. I'm really zero to ever go. The bus stop. But i would love. I would love to take a trip right now. I think also that. I mess. Like i think i don't know i mean i think you can do that even in covert worlds like you can do wine tasting do that. But just because it's always smarter more hassle okay. We're like a little out of tangent here. But i think this is a good one but i think even if the vaccine let's say god forbid gets delayed and people like like we do spend all of twenty twenty one similar. I think people are craving to do stuff. And i think that's why you've seen like an uptick in road trips and going to national parks and doing stuff and i do think that's going to continue. I think just being at your house. Twenty four seven is really wearing at people's mental health. I agree that people are gonna wanna be on the move. But maybe they each their own like you are saying. Then you look at the housing market because julie you know unlike on the market for a house or whatever. And they're saying millennials are buying more single family homes now because they want the yard they want the private space shrew thinking that they're going to be homebodies for a long time. I do wonder once vaccine is out. Will they regret their purchase. Decisions of buying these single family homes. I totally did. I was talking to my mom about that. She's like the home prices in our like suburban town of been like. It's hard to get a house the like. Do you really think these people want to be there when things open up again like yeah city suck right now because nothing that is there for a city i mean i really want to say that because i do think there's actually still a lot you can do in a city like dining was pretty fit phenomenal when it was happening. Yeah but i what draws people to cities once that's available again. I think people will be able go back right. And then they'll all be all these like a foreclosed homes in the suburbs because people just don't want to pay for them anymore. That's what i think. Chris says i'm thinking people might get used to dating from a distance and take more time to meet up in person. Yep that's what we pretty much talked about as well. I like this one from a lenzi. People aren't going to be as superficial comes to seeking their friend for the end of the world. Yeah amen to that. I love this quarantine test. I think people should make sure that they apply that. Because i think that will really go back to what was said. At the beginning of the entering. Something out of loneliness like if you look at it. It's almost like empowering it away to be single right now if you're not feeling like that of rolling 'cause you're like i got this and anyone that comes into my life is an added benefit and i think if you can do that and you're like i spend day in day out with this person doing nothing even when things are available and make the mundane shit fun than that's really a good sign of someone to enter relationship with as someone who has survived a quarantine relationship.

00:45:13 - 00:49:43

I gotta tell you. I never thought about a relationship as taking care of someone else. I thought it was just mutual like for each other and you have fun and do things together a companion activity partner but this has been eye opening for our relationship where i've had to take into account someone else to take care of not to just think about them so they take care of them and do meal planning and to think. Are we missing toilet paper at home. Those are like not fun things to do. But you gotta do when you are in a relationship right right so there are you relationships. Do you really want one. Which hey that is a billion dollar question. I mean i think like sometimes of like i would love to have that and i've had like kind of a few things in this time but i feel like sometimes i'm like i really do crave connection again in that other times of like actually buy a on my own path. Yeah like beat your job so it comes in waves for me. I think the right person though that can survive the quarantine tests than it's definitely a more added value. Yes i like. That cool are right. We're going to wrap up this episode again. If you like to participate or even watch our most debatable 2021 competition join our facebook group love in the time of corona. we're taking applications until mid january and we'll be making decisions on the final candidates by the end of january. What is the cutoff day one. Thirteen one thirteen. But you know what it depends on when you listen to this episode if you happen to join after one thirteen and you're still interested. They're still some time. Okay okay maybe one fifteen these waltz. Cutoff is now gonna be like wait. Ivanesevic biological one fifteen is our ultimate cutoff date. But it's gonna be great. It's going to be great. In the winner of the most adaptable twenty. Twenty one competition will win all kinds of swag and possibly a guest spot on our podcast. So there are a lot of upsides to this competition and you get exposed to our entire community and you never know who's out there you never know you never know if you love us and because we love you please give a good rating in apple podcast. We really appreciate those. Were up to four hundred reviews. Now good for us. I know amazing and we have some really phenomenal guests in store for season twelve. I still can't believe these twelve. It just feels yeah. How did they happen. We're almost like episodes this crazy. But i think anyways that helps us get these guests because they look at it they see that where legit helps us. Rise to the charts. This year we were able to get to number. Four was our peak position on relationships or like after brunei brandon. Michelle baba like. I think he's done. We screened shot at it. Because we're like this is. I don't even know what to say. I've definitely gonna like. Hey get up at a poster by room as you should lamb shit raymond. Let's even for one hour. If that's the case that's something to memorialize for sure and help us get. Saddam was so we are ahead of them. That would lifelong dream. Yeah because then we can get the as guests on our show like. Don't you wanna be on the rest podcast right so you see that word. Upper what. I guess it does help. So thank you for everyone. That's done that already. It's make such a difference to us all right. We're going to wrap this up as we do. Always stay thin. No dateable podcast is part of the frolic podcast network. Five more podcasts. You'll love at frolic dot media slash. Podcasts won't continue the conversation. I follow us on instagram facebook and twitter with the handle asked dateable podcast tag. Any post with the hashtag. Stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those posts then head over to our website. Dateable podcasts dot com. You'll find all the episodes articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze an offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums roseau downloadable for free. On spotify apple podcasts. Google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable.